Hm, budding LDR - a "real" option?!

[Curiousa]

Reading the generally negative feedback on LDR here, I am interested in receiving some feedback concering my situation:

 

Met a guy online in an MMORPG, about a year and a half ago or so - we hit it off extremely well, ended spending a lot of gaming, msn and mobile phone time with each other during that time, talking about lots of things, incl. family/relationship trouble, what we enjoy about each other's company etc.

 

As it happened, we sort of "fell in love" with each other, or well, at least with the person we met/have interacted with online. It's been pretty intense, but in a good way. We met in real life a couple of times few months back, we liked each other there too, but whereas he was totally smitten by me, I got to admit that I was a bit more "luke warm" about our meeting. I guess I sort of found it more difficult to relate the "real" person to the one I had got used to online (phone, pics and long "chats" non-withstanding).

 

Still, I still found that the traits I like and treasure about him online are still there; so we decided to keep working / developing on a "potential" real life relationship. Yet due to distance and financial issues, we cannot meet more often then maybe once every other 2-3 months. Of course, we could both go and look for someone local instead, but whenever we discuss it, we end up agreeing that we feel our relationship with each other is very "special" to us, and we both feel like it deserves a chance.

 

Delusion or option? We both turned down otherwise "suitable" offers on the local dating front; we are aware that our situation will be difficult if we ever get together, and that neither relationship nor distance are challenges that will go away quickly.

 

I am the one who more often get doubtful about how things will turn out, but so far he has been dispelling my worries and concerns in his oh so very sweet, loving and understanding way. Funny thing is, he's actually a better "writer" than "talker", he's very poetic, deep and sensitive in his writing, but quite shy in real life; I am willing to give it a try, though, because I deeply care about him, am emotionally very attached and so far very happy when together with him. But, reading all these negative things about LDR here is making me wondering if we are not a bit too naive ....

 

Anyone cares to share their "assessment"?! Thanks anyway.

[Tony T]

Your hesitation is warranted. I think you ought to keep your options open and date real, live people who are in your proximity. You can also continue with the LDR. If you didn't fall head over heals with someone you could touch on a regular basis, you could always fall back on the LDR.

 

Your LDR will be totally meaningless until you can be with and interact with him on a daily basis. That is the only time you will know if the two of you are compatible and if there's chemistry.

 

It's really up to you. Waiting for this LDR to materialize into something more is a decision you and only you can make. Perhaps you should put a deadline on it...a time frame. You only live once and why lose years of your life gambling that this may be the real thing when you have absolutely no idea.

[pleasehelpme]

Everything in life is a gamble. If you don't take a chance on him & distance, then you are taking a chance with 'someone else coming' and u don't even know how long that will be. Be true to what you want. Just follow your heart. In the end, Amor Vinci Omnes - Love conquers all.

[Jtizzle]

well i agree with tony on what he said that you should keep ur options open to dating around ur own area..Curiousa i COMPLETLY understand how you are feeling towards this one dude..cuz i've been there myself...TWICE...and i am currently trying to fight it now...

you said in WRITING he seemed DEEP, POETIC, and SENSITIVE...

but in PERSON he was quite shy...when ur dealing with people like that online.. 89% of the chances are that they are nothing like the people (when you meet them in person)you interacted with on-line....in the cyber world you can create a WHOLE new identity and characteristic traits...

 

but besides that...u cannot build a REAL PLATONIC relationship with him if you havent been there with him on a daily basis..NOW im not saying it cant work at all..im jus saying dating a person ONLINE and dating a person in REAL LIFE is all different...to be in a REAL LIFE relationship with him. you will have to make sacrifices and live together to see if this will work...

 

you already made it clear that it was difficult to "relate" the real person to the one you had online...and being in a LDR computer love one at that ..will only make it harder...u will find out soon enuff that the stuff you guys talk about online...are very hard to talk about in person..so i say if u really are into this man like you say u are...then sacrifices need to be made and u should do the relationship right...ask him if he can come visit you for a month or so...or you go visit him for a month or so...

[Curiousa]

it just confirms to me what I have been wondering about, so thanks a lot .

 

I would love to give it a "real" chance, go and see each other for a month here or there, but unfortunately, there is this minor job issue of not getting that much time off at one time (neither of us). So it can be a max of 10 days here and there - and with like 1500 miles between us, it's also a money issue of travelling .

 

We are trying to see each other as much as possible, giving the financial and time restraints, and maybe in another half year or so I will see a bit clearer about the "chances".

 

As for keeping my options open in the near vicinity - well, I won't rule anything out, but i am not the type of person who can "spread" her affection too widely, so unless someone would show up who swept me off my feet, I doubt I would put too much effort into this, unless I saw a bit clearer that this ldr thing is a definite non-starter.