Hes gone:(

[babycheeks]

I have been in a long distance relationship for 5 years we met on ICQ and after 8 mths of chat he flew me to him he paid most of the flights I did very few over the years he was always real catering to me regarding money and the flights. I also lived in canada for a year with him. He is my dream guy I have sacraficed he is in Canada me n USA for us to make this work he has too, at one point i even lost my job and he paid a lot of my bills till I was on my feet. I am 26 he is 28. And we had plans of getting his visa in this next year and him moving here so that we may carry on and get married. THe last year has been hard and we havent had a visit because of the money issue but I got a job and am on my feet so had plans to see him this april. Unfortantly I did something so stupid and immature i am just beating myself up over it, but i accused him of being gay because he is jsut a sensitive guy and I was just caught up in the moment of my mothers story that day about how she married am na once and found out he was really gay after 6 years. She told me to make sure he wasnt since he is such a sensitive guy well stupid me following that advice .. well he left me immediately after that. Over the past weeks I have tried so so hard to get him to see that I will work on myself and my insecurity I will show him through actions.. I sent him a letter a good 3 of them, he will not msg me via chat, i have to msg him first and hes slow to respond to me and it cant be about the topic cause if u bring it up he flips out and says look we broke up deal with it that hes not gonna put up with a woman doing that to him. I have told him i understand his shoes, that it was highly immature that I am more than willing to make this work. He is not budgeing at all. The weird thing is he keeps me on his chat and doesnt seem to want to block me I asked him to just block me if he feels this way cause it hurts so bad and he doesnt do it. I also asked him to say on the phone to me that we broke up becuase he did this over chat and he will not do it over the phone.. he says he doesnt want to bring it up again. I cant believe i lost this man... he is wonderful... he has a lot going for him and he is the man id love to marry if we could get this worked out and i could regain his trust. I am just beating myself up here over this he wont talk to me he wont try nothing i think i have to give up... buti ts like I want to fight im to the point id fly out there just to get this worked out but im not sure if hed jsut kick me out... I have asked him how he feels he says he loves me but hes hurt. some advice would be great!

Edited March 6, 2008 by babycheeks

[Mazza]

Hi babycheeks,

 

I see what happened, it's kinda a similar situation to what happened with my girl and how things ended, except I end up pushing her too much, and now she won't talk to me at all, and has blocked me off from reaching her. I'm trying to find a solution to get her back to friends first at least.

 

Anyway as for you, I think you should do what i'm doing now, and give it time and space. Maybe send a email to apologize and losing his trust in you, and that you will wait for him until he's ready to talk things through again. It's immensely difficult waiting, not knowing anything (trust me i know!)- but I know pushing isn't going to make things work, it'll just make things worse. That's what i'm going to do with mine, and i'm hoping she will forgive me and go back to being friends so we can establish trust again.

 

 

Try that and let the ball be in his court, if he does love and care for you - he will reply back. Give it a bit of time, I am.

[babycheeks]

Yeah I kinda had one of those mother daughter talks.. and my mom suggest no contact for right now give him some space and then maybe write a letter and she told me to be real positive dont sound needy and all that other drama cause it only pushes him further. He is still my friend thank god so that gives me an upperhand to show him how the woman I am so I may get some replies. Then she said to just work on my self meaning continue my life and if he loves and cares enough he will see how hard im showing to be better for myself and for him so that we can be something great. He needs to see action not just words same for yours Mazza.But Im not going to give up.. This is my man and I love him and he is right I hurt him and he has every reason to feel that way I just wish he talked it out instead of ran away.. but i can understand his views I love him enough to want to see him happy in the end. So I think Im going about this the best way i can!! I hope to one day be walking down the aisle with this man and if not I can honestly say I love him enough to just want him to be happy even if im not.thanks for the reply.

Edited March 7, 2008 by babycheeks

[Mazza]

Yes I think thats the best way to go about it all, by giving space and continuing on, and not bothering them so much - it'll show that your not so pushy and needy. You can leave a message and let them see what they'll ( as i mean your man, and my girl) do. I think i have no doubt about whether they'll think on things, and the space away will only help that, and see we're stronger than what they first believed to have thought, and perhaps maybe they'll come back. If not the exact way we want it at first, it's all we really should need right now, then works things up from there.

It's .. very daunting i know.. believe me, i'm having much strain on myself about it all, just gotta wait till the moment though.

[moys]

Yes I think thats the best way to go about it all, by giving space and continuing on, and not bothering them so much - it'll show that your not so pushy and needy. You can leave a message and let them see what they'll ( as i mean your man, and my girl) do. I think i have no doubt about whether they'll think on things, and the space away will only help that, and see we're stronger than what they first believed to have thought, and perhaps maybe they'll come back. If not the exact way we want it at first, it's all we really should need right now, then works things up from there.

It's .. very daunting i know.. believe me, i'm having much strain on myself about it all, just gotta wait till the moment though.

 

I agree with Mazza. You don't show him that you are working on yourself and your insecurities by bombarding him with communications. You should give him space and take time out for yourself to really examine the situation and work your issues out. When you create that space he will see through your actions that you are fine and secure with yourself. He will also have had time to think about everything and possibly miss you.

[D-Lish]

Did you at anytime get the vibe he is gay?

Do you believe there is any truth to it?

Just wondering.

 

I asked my ex husband at one point if he had ever wondered if he was gay- and after saying no, we both had a good laugh and he would tease me by pretending to be gay sometimes. I didn't accuse him in anger though- I am not sure if that is what happened with you.

 

I don't understand why he doesn't have you blocked.

I was seeing someone and after we broke up he initially blocked me- but then put me back on his "allow list"... I know this because if I add him back to my contact list he still shows up as active online. So I can't tell you what that means. It sort of feels to me that in your situation that he hasn't given up on things yet. YOu're right- if he wanted you done and gone, he would have deleted and blocked you.

 

I think you just have to give him space. He knows how you feel and he knows how to reach you. I would just give him some time and in the meantime stop contacting him. Contacting him and pleading won't bring him back. Maybe he needs some real time of no contact while he figures things out.

 

I wouldn't send him any more apology letters~ you've already said sorry numerous times. If you keep saying it, it will probably annoy him further.

 

I think time and space is the answer. Just let him be- no contact from you for a good length of time.

[babycheeks]

Thanks everyone Im glad i found this forum. I plan on following the advise. No hes not gay at all... hes just a sensitive person. Again thanks guys ill update u all!

[TMichaels]

Thanks everyone Im glad i found this forum. I plan on following the advise. No hes not gay at all... hes just a sensitive person. Again thanks guys ill update u all!

 

Sounds like a good plan, babycheeks. Good luck to you!

 

Best,

TMichaels

[babycheeks]

contact.... we have made contact ( the no contact time helped).. communication is a bit slow but... in all he is hurt " its a masculinity insult" i told him how devasting it is to just walk away and not communicate.. he said well i did the same thing when i slapped his face i didnt communicate my real insecurities.. so we know we need work on communication.. but yes we are needto work on this communication slowly and esp his end wow, he said we can build a bridge, and we shall see.. so this may be a slow process but this is what i want and i know i love him.. so the work to gain his trust is just worth it for me. So.. its a start.. and I plan on really putting forth the effort and seeing what he can pull out his hat too. I hope he is up for a meet up soon so we can really see about some of this face to face.. but im gonna go real slow for i can feel he is still real hurt and cut up over this. Im going to have to treat him like a wounded child. I think he is needing time to heal.. and to see my insecurity changes i have made. But i do have some concerns...

 

Ok now here are my concerns:

 

 

 

he walked away not a break not i need space... no communication.. just its over.. he will not talk to me on the phone.. the convo was made via messenger, its like he cant face me even just a voice... but im also thinking the reason he kept me on that messenger all this time.. was just that he prob always knew he wanted to try and build a bridge later.. when i ask him what are his needs to help with building the bridge? no answer..what is ur intake on that?

Edited March 17, 2008 by babycheeks