Guy turning into bridezilla!

[lexi29]

My fiance is sort of scaring/surprising me because of how excited he is about planning our wedding. Personally I don't think the wedding is that important, its the marriage that is important so I'm not one to dream about the "big day" or have everything already planned out in my head. I know I want a small wedding- just close friends and family and an outdoor wedding. He wants to get married in August or Sept of this year. I wanted to try for next year. However everyone is just so excited (him his family, my parents etc) that I agreed to this year in Sept. We haven't set a definate date yet, but my fiance already has his guest list written out, planned the reception menu, asked his friends to be his best man, groomsmen etc. I know who I want to ask to be in my bridal party and I am sure all but one will say yes (one is my cousin, not sure if she'll accept or not). Also his son will be a jr. groomsman or ring bearer (he's 8, is that too old?)

 

My fiance wants me to start looking into invitations and this weekend he wants to go look at places we could hold the reception. He's even opened a savings account (and this is from a guy who never had a savings account in his life and he's 30 yrs old!) so he can start saving money for the wedding and he's already given me a list of things he is going to pay for!! Only thing that bugs me is he wants his niece to be a flower girl to walk with his son (he has 7 nieces but this one is the same age as his son) I really don't want her in the wedding because I dont even know this girl. I think I've met her ONE time. I'd rather have one of his two nieces that I know very well in the wedding. But anyway, thats off topic.

 

Its just I've never known a guy (I have a lot of married friends) to be so excited and into planning a wedding!! He wants to talk about it every day!! How can I get him to calm down, or get myself to feel more excited and enthusiastic. I would almost just get married at the court house and avoid the hassle and then have a nice reception afterward. I dont even want a bridal shower and I don't want to register anywhere (I know its tradition but we really don't NEED anything. We dont live together but I have more than enough stuff for one household plus his stuff. His parents are very excited too and are coming up with ideas of places THEY want to have the reception. He is their last son who is not married (he has five brothers and one sister and the sister hasn't gotten married yet)

 

How can I feel as enthusiastic as he does? Its great but is it normal for the guy to be so excited about the wedding?

[carhill]

If your intended sends you flowers and knows what each of them are and why he picked them, then it's normal. He's just wired that way. If not, I'm at a loss, other than he likes to please others (which it sounds like here).

 

Normally, weddings are planned at least a year in advance. I know my wife contracts for hair between six months and a year in advance where she has to do site work (at the church and/or bride's home). It's pretty normal

[blind_otter]

TBH if you wanna have your wedding in Sept you better get your rear in gear in terms of planning - you need all the time you can get. You need to be reserving you photographer, florist, the place where you will have the event, the reception hall, god the list goes on and on....

[laRubiaBonita]

i wish i had half his enthusiasm for my sept. 2008 wedding. (and my fiance can have the other half)!

 

i think it's awesome! the grooms should be a major part of this, which is how i think bride-zillas are formed... too much stress

[Trialbyfire]

"Put your hands in the air and back slowly away from the wedding invitations."

 

Yikes, peel him back and get your own arse moving on this. Book your venues first before you commit too firmly to such a short time-line.

[lexi29]

lol, no when he sends me flowers he picks them out because he thinks I'll like the colors- he has NO idea what the names of them are (well except for roses).

 

We are going pretty low key for the wedding- his parents are catering it (they used to have a business as a side job), my sister's best friend will do the bridal party's hair (she's not a hairdresser, she's a teacher but she did my hair for two weddings I was in and did the hairstyles of everyone in my sister's wedding and she's really amazing), my fiance's coworker is going to deejay, my friend is an amatuer photographer and she takes beautiful pictures. She is trying to start her own business and she was at my sister's wedding and took her own personal pictures and they actually turned out better than the $3000 proffessional photographer's that my parents hired for the ocasion. My friend had all these great ideas for poses and took live shots as well and 90% of them turned out better than the professional photographer's pictures. The only things I"m worried about are finding my dress and the bridesmaid dresses and finding a place for the reception that isn't booked already.

 

I guess I just sort of expected my fiance to sit back and let me plan everything. His enthusiam is appreciated though. Just strange to me.

[curiousnycgirl]

This was my brother. His wife actually never really wanted to get married, and certainly never wanted the whole big wedding thing. Of course my parents wanted it ALL for their only-son-the-doctor (that is one big word btw).

 

My brother caused HUGE fights every single day for about 8 months leading up to the day. The only times I got involved were to either tell my parents to back off, or take the bride shopping for a dress.

 

He argued about the dress, and having her makeup done, but he doesn't take me on, and admits I was right about both.

 

To give him his credit, it really was a very lovely wedding - and had he not reigned in my parents it would not have been nearly as lovely.

 

I say let your fiance do his thing - stand back when he wants to take the lead.

 

But most important, enoy it!

[hotgurl]

wow my finace only cares about the food & venue.

 

Do you guys have a budget yet? Weddings can cost a lot of money. If you have out of town guests you should send you save the dates as soon as you get a venue.

 

and get your butt in gear to get a venue I booked mine 1 year in advance.

[vander]

I can identify -- my fiance is more excited about the wedding than I am. I think a wedding is a superficial party and huge waste of time and money. But he thinks it's extremely important.

 

To make matters worse, he wants a massive & expensive wedding. I really want something less expensive because my poor parents will be bearing the brunt of the costs.

 

So I'm in this awkward position. To give him the wedding of his dreams, my parents would have to go broke. I can't (and won't) do that to them.

 

You're lucky that your fiance knows what he's going to pay for and that he has it all listed out. I hope he also has a ballpark financial figure as well. It might cost him more than he thinks.

 

As far as the flowergirl goes, I can understand that too -- in a somewhat different way. My mom told me that it's always been her lifelong dream to make my bridal bouquet. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I'd rather have something professionally made. But since it's my mother, and it's her "lifelong dream" ... I'll just let her make it. If it falls apart walking down the aisle, so be it ... at least she will be happy.

[lexi29]

I actually would be perfectly fine with NO wedding. I don't want a bridal shower (I hate opening gifts in front of people and find it tacky to register for gifts. (just my own feelings, I don't mind buying for others off a registry) I think we would be better off going to the courthouse because we keep arguing/disagreeing over things for the wedding and its just causing more stress than its worth. I really don't think its fair that the bride's parents are expected to pay for the majority of the wedding costs. My parents are not poor but are getting close to retirement and don't have any money saved up. They would be putting everything on credit and I don't want them to do that. They've offered to pay for my dress and the food for the wedding (fiance's parents are catering and just charging for the cost of the food). We are currently arguing over what food to have at the reception. Also his parents are driving me nuts because they have ALL these ideas about where we should have the wedding (his dad wants us to have the wedding in the town they live in which has a gazebo right next to a main road and beside a WWII display plane!!! No thanks! And his parents want us to have the reception in their town (where my fiance lives too). At a VFW hall! Again, no thanks. Also my parents live 1.5 hrs away and my sister lives 6 hours away so I want to have a reception within an hour from where I live but I want it to be a very nice place and close to hotels etc.

 

His parents are breathing down my neck and we haven't even been engaged for a month!! Help!

[hotgurl]

I actually would be perfectly fine with NO wedding. I don't want a bridal shower (I hate opening gifts in front of people and find it tacky to register for gifts. (just my own feelings, I don't mind buying for others off a registry) I think we would be better off going to the courthouse because we keep arguing/disagreeing over things for the wedding and its just causing more stress than its worth. I really don't think its fair that the bride's parents are expected to pay for the majority of the wedding costs. My parents are not poor but are getting close to retirement and don't have any money saved up. They would be putting everything on credit and I don't want them to do that. They've offered to pay for my dress and the food for the wedding (fiance's parents are catering and just charging for the cost of the food). We are currently arguing over what food to have at the reception. Also his parents are driving me nuts because they have ALL these ideas about where we should have the wedding (his dad wants us to have the wedding in the town they live in which has a gazebo right next to a main road and beside a WWII display plane!!! No thanks! And his parents want us to have the reception in their town (where my fiance lives too). At a VFW hall! Again, no thanks. Also my parents live 1.5 hrs away and my sister lives 6 hours away so I want to have a reception within an hour from where I live but I want it to be a very nice place and close to hotels etc.

 

His parents are breathing down my neck and we haven't even been engaged for a month!! Help!

 

Ok lexi take a deep breath.

 

First things first. accept the fact that you probably are not going to get married at a courthouse. Since apprantly your finace wants a wedding.

 

Next: figure out your budget and who is paying for what. This is important since you need to know this to do anything else.

 

now: figure out your guests. How many people are you inviting? This will effect everything as well.

 

third: start shopping for a venue.

 

fourth get orginized I am getting married in July I have a binder with divided section so I can keep track of my contact, contracts, paymnet schdules etc..

 

plus they aare right you have to get moving if you are getting married in Sept.

[vander]

His parents are breathing down my neck and we haven't even been engaged for a month!! Help!

 

Just a thought -- but several coworkers and friends of mine have recommended getting a wedding planner for this very reason. They said the wedding planner can play the role of "the bad guy" -- she can step in for you and tell your future-in-laws to back off, that it's your wedding & not theirs, etc.

 

I'm not sure if anyone else here might have any personal experience with this (I've only heard about it secondhand) ... if so it would be great if someone would be willing to share their experience.

[natch]

I got married 5 months ago and if my h2b, now H was that excited...i would have been thrilled.

 

I agree with vander...wedding planner is the way to go - reduces the strain on the relationships with you in-laws. That's what I did and our planner played her role BEAUTIFULLY!

 

Hope it works out...

[Ronni_W]

How can I feel as enthusiastic as he does? Its great but is it normal for the guy to be so excited about the wedding?

Hi Lexi.

Well...there's absolutely nothing that says one has to be as enthusiastic as the other!

The only difference here is that traditionally it is the woman who takes on the role that your guy has. But, so what?

 

It may not be "normal" for other guys to act this way but, again, so what? Our outdated (and sexist, now that I'm thinking about it ) views don't HAVE to get in the way of your guy's fun and pleasure of wedding planning...does it?

 

If it works for both of you, why not just decide that he is the "main planner"? (You'd need to then stay in the role of 'supporter' of course, but that doesn't mean you won't have a say or right to veto whatever it is that your definitely do not want.)

 

Certainly there's no need to feel "bad" about the differences in enthusiasm levels. Good heck, I'd have loved it if I just needed to worry about my "personal" stuff (dress, shoes, bridal party ladies, etc.) -- and maybe pick a song or two. That would have been heaven -- enjoy it just because you can!

 

Congrats to both of you, btw!!!