My fiancee just does not understand about men at all...

[MrPeterParker]

My fiancee is a very naive lady and she constantly gets men throwing themselves at her or making a pass. Like her boss... it makes me just want to lock her up in the house and turn her into a housewife here because it's getting obnoxious already. Her boss has called our home on several occasions on the weekend and I think it's unacceptable. She won't quit this job though and even if she does, like it will be any different at the next place.

She went to one of her afterwork parties last Friday at some joint and she can't handle liquor either. When I picked her up, she had her eyes rolling back sitting at a booth with this guy caressing her breast.. I ended up with a black eye and four stitches and the guy with a broken and bloody nose. It's like I'm always on edge and anxious because I know where ever she goes, a fight will inevitably ensue as men can't seem to keep their hands off of her.

She doesn't even remember that night whatsoever and she was so surprised and crying when she saw me in the morning.

What's even worse than all of this is the anticipatory anxiety I'm getting from knowing she will be meeting an old friend in two weeks. She told me about this close to a month ago. She said they are just friends and he doesn't see her "in that way anymore". She says this almost about ever guy she encounters and doesn't understand that they all just want to get into her pants. I feel like I'm fighting an endless battle here and pretty much have to escort her everywhere like a bodyguard. I'm so exhausted and sick of it, yet I love her so much. She has been with very few men as she is quite shy and reserved. She's really the only good thing I've come across in my life and too good for this world.. yet I don't know if maybe she is somehow asking for this attention or provoking it. I don't even know why I'm writing this as I see this is just a helpless situation that somehow SHE has to learn how to control and quit putting herself into these precarious situations but she won't because "it's not a big deal" or "we are just friends"... the excuses just go on and on.

[Kamille]

wow.. is this how you gain masculinity.. by ganging up on people on a message board..... lmao

 

Anyways, like i originally said; when someone has something useful to offer, id like to here it, minus all the argumentative or name-calling chidlish bs..

thankS!

 

My fiancee would never cheat either, unless it was against her will! Make no mistake about that part!

 

 

Ok, so if your fiance would never cheat, then this has nothing to do with jealousy right? What you worry about is that she'll get herself in an unsafe situation?

 

I definitely think there is a weird dynamic between the two of you.

 

She reminds me of some friends of mine who use the 'but he's just a friend' line as a way to still be faithful to their bf yet still enjoy getting attention from guys. They're always shocked when one of their 'friends' actually make a move on them. It annoys me because I can pinpoint the part of their behavior that rile men up (like touching them, leaning foward) yet they're always stunned when I tell them that, yes, they were flirting with their "friend".

 

But you have to realize that you can't protect her. That she has probably been this way for longer then you have been around and that she still manages to pull through unscathed. I know this isn't very reassuring, but you need to recognize that she's an adult and therefore she's responsible for herself.

Edited March 7, 2008 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[MrPeterParker]

Ok, so if your fiance would never cheat, then this has nothing to do with jealousy right? What you worry about is that she'll get herself in an unsafe situation?

 

Because she doesn't know how to protect herself apparently and I am the one who has to always get in the middle of the mess she creates or at least runs into. I don't know if I can take a lifetime of it.

[LucreziaBorgia]

This sounds like a recipe for disaster. A woman who needs constant validation from other men, and a man who is possessive of her. Both of you need to work on your issues before you can even consider getting married. I don't see this going anywhere but to divorce court in under five years, if that. Have you considered any premarital counseling to get this all out in the open between the two of you via an objective third party?

[Mr. Lucky]

She's really the only good thing I've come across in my life and too good for this world.. yet I don't know if maybe she is somehow asking for this attention or provoking it.

More than a little contradiction there. It seems important for you to see her as the victim in these situations - hence your fight with the other guy. But how about her responsibility to keep his hand off her breast? That's simply not how an engaged woman conducts herself. I have a suspicion that you're being played and manipulated here. "She doesn't even remember that night" - not sure I believe that...

 

Mr. Lucky

[sally4sara]

When you talk about locking her inside I get the shivers!

You say she won't quit her job and even if she did, the same thing would happen at her new job. Also she goes out and gets so wasted, she is passed out at the bar and getting groped.

 

How often does this happen when she goes out? I'm trying to figure out if your issue is mostly her boss calling or if it is mostly her lack of responsibility when she goes out and drinks.

It really sounds like either your girl acts like she is available to a lot of other men (boss included) and/or you are seriously insecure and controlling. Why do you think the same thing would happen at a new job? Trust me, no girl is just SOOOOO beautiful that she cannot leave the house without being attacked and groped.

[carhill]

OP, is your fiance sexually passive with you? IOW, just let's you do what you want but doesn't take an active role?

 

Perhaps she has male attention issues or perhaps she has a passive personality. Any history of sexual abuse as a child? I've seen such behaviors result. Did she use sex to get you to like her?

 

I know these questions are personal, but I think may be key to understanding her role.

 

Would you say your behavior with her is similar to or different from that exhibited with other women you've been with. I'm trying to ascertain if her personality has affected your behavior.

 

I think PMC would be a good thing to consider.

[zomgsavemymarriage]

This sounds like a recipe for disaster. A woman who needs constant validation from other men, and a man who is possessive of her. Both of you need to work on your issues before you can even consider getting married. I don't see this going anywhere but to divorce court in under five years, if that. Have you considered any premarital counseling to get this all out in the open between the two of you via an objective third party?

 

I agree, do NOT get married until these issues are resolved, if that is even possible.

[Curmudgeon]

Because she doesn't know how to protect herself apparently and I am the one who has to always get in the middle of the mess she creates or at least runs into. I don't know if I can take a lifetime of it.

 

Why would you set yourself up for black eyes and stitches for the rest of your life for a presumed adult who obviously welcomes the attention of other men. She has to be putting out strong signals of availability if multiple men react this way towards her. We're not all animals.

[JerseyShortie]

I agree with Mr. Lucky. No one is that stupid. And usually a woman is aware of the effect she has of men. Unless your wife dresses in baseball caps and burkas, she isn't *that* navie. Especially if she is letting another man touch her breast. That is utterly ridiculous! And I also think " I don't even remember that night ..." line to be lame. Women remember EVERYTHING. Unless she is under the influcence of substance abuse.