I feel so lonely and depressed :(

[EMBeee]

Hello all, I don't really quite know where to post this thread but here it goes. I do apologize in advance if this is long but I do appreciate all advice that is given.

 

So here it goes...

 

I just recently got out of a 10 year relationship with a guy I have 2 children with. The whole relationship from the get - go was very verbally, physically, and mentally abusive. I wasn't contributing to any of this abuse at first but I was starting to rebel against him and began the abuse as well. I tried several times to leave but only got my courage to do so just recently.

 

There is a childhood friend of mine whom I have reconnected with after 16 years and we had been talking now for a year and a half. He was married when we first started talking and i was still with my bf. The friend (who I will call Dave) and i stopped talking for a few months. During that time that we weren't talking... I was going through my separation issues and I had not known that Dave was also going through the same issues.

 

He and his wife separated, though not divorced. She cheated on him and immedately moved into a home with her "new" boyfriend. Dave became depressed and suicidal and started talking to me again. He did not know that I had left my bf until i finally told him.

 

Dave calls me his angel because i helped him get through this tough time and i also called him the same because he was helping me through this tough time i was going through. We started by texting at first. Every single night we would text each other all night long. Till it turned into instant messaging and eventually talking on the phone for hours. He helped me get my mind off of my situation.

 

The thing that gets tough is that we both "fell" for each other... or I know I fell for him really hard. He tells me that he's fallen for me, but it's so hard for me to trust anything anyone tells me because i have a lack of self-confidence and trust in anyone due to my abusive relationship. Dave would text me all day lon while we were at work telling me that he missed me and needs me. We even talked about having children together. Because he and i live in different states, we've also talked about seeing one another and he would tell me how he needs me there and he wants this thing between us to be "us" and to make it work. That started dwindling... he hardly ever says good morning to me anymore, we've been talking less and less with one another. Though we still talk, it's just less and less everyday.

 

I am soooo heart- broken over this! I don't know if he's given up on me or if he's lost interest. But it hurts! I've told him that i didn't want to get hurt but he told me he would never hurt me. He also asked that i don't hurt him and i told him i had no plans to hurt him. I asked him that he don't leave me and he replied "I need you too much right now, I wouldn't leave you"

 

So why am I so depressed? I long to hear from him and i keep checking my phone to see if he's called or texted - usually there was always something there but now hardly anything. I feel so sad. I thought we were good for one another. We were best friends from a while ago and got reconnected and just thought it was awesome to get reconnected.

 

I feel so lonely and depressed. Now I feel like I need him and he's not there for me like i was for him. I feel somewhat "used". I feel hopeless! I'm very sad. I don't know what to do anymore. I know that i never should have gotten involved with him on that level. I miss the text messages and the long instant messaging and the long talks on the phone.

 

I know he's not over his ex either which is probably a big factor in what he's backing off. they've been separated a year now. He says he would never go back to her because he doesn't trust her.

[Mustang1984]

I am very sorry to hear how loney and depressed you are. I can feel the pain in your words on here. I was once in a realtionship for 5 1/2 years and was hurt very badly by the girl I was in love with. Once you are used to having someone it is extremly hard to go solo again. Now I am 23 and have never been married, but I do know what its like to lose someone and suddenly be alone and also be far apart from someone you have feelings for. During my 5 1/2 year relationship I spent a lot of time away at college. Its hard having feelings for someone far away. The truth is that no matter how strong the attraction between two people, distance can destroy those feelings over time. Time heals all wounds, but can also create them.

 

It is good that you got out of your abusive relationship as that was not at all healthy for you or your kids. Your story of meeting your old friend who seperated from his wife sounds alomost like things were meant to be between you two. Is he kind to you unlike your ex-husband? The problem with long distance is that over time generally one person begins to get tired. Messages simpy arent enough. There has to be physical passion between people in order to sustain a healthy relationship. This is esspecially true with us guys as being physically passionate leads to strong emotions of love. In women it can be the opposite with emotions leading towred being physical. It sounds like this man likely cares for you very much, but does not want to torture himself by not getting to see you since your in diferent states. Therefore he communicates less.

 

The truth is that one of you will have to sacrafice to move by the other one most likely to make things work. Granted with childeren I know this would be hard for you. You also mentioned that he isnt over his ex which is normal. A relationship cannot be formed until both of you are ready to move on. I really hope everything works out for you. I just wanted to let you know your not alone.

[EMBeee]

Thank you for your response. I was/am supposed to meet him the last weekend in April. We are still talking, but not as much as we used to. I know that the "physical" part is the hard part to endure being we are so far apart from one another. He has expressed to me that he needs to see me now. Which I can understand, I need to see him now too, but with time and money and work and the kids, it's almost impossible. He also has kids too. So that makes matters even harder. I want to say "thanks again" and I will certainly keep you updated.