XxBacktoBlackXx Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 I am really confused about this situation. My BF wants to be a script writer in Hollywood/LA. We don't live in California, but recently he took a trip there because he has a connection with a producer that was putting on a short film. This producer liked a script he wrote and tells him she will pass the script out to other people. He was offered a job over the summer working on a set of a small film. I am very, very happy for the steps he has made, but I am also really confused. I feel really hurt from continual comments he makes when he tells me he would cheat on me with so and so actress, especially since he is going to be around these types all of the time. I am hurt that he tells me he writes scripts specifically for a certain actress that he drools over and tells me this all the time. I am also hurt that he is letting this success seem as if it is not as important as steps I am taking toward my career. I am only a student, but I have goals for the future, too. Success is never guaranteed, regardless of who you know. I don't know why, but all of these things are really catching up to me. I love him very much, but I feel maybe I need to let him go. If he thinks his life/career path is better than mine, it is not fair for me to stay. I think eventually he wants me to move with him to LA, but that would not happen anytime soon. I just don't know. I'm tired of the constant commentary of female celebrities, and feeling degraded by it as well as feeling like my pathway does not matter. But at the same time, I don't know if I can let go. Just the thought of it breaks my heart to pieces. Link to post Share on other sites
NuTuDating Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 Talk to him about it. Tell him what you think about his pigheaded comments and that you don't appreciate it. If you've been together that long, this is something you should be able to tell him. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 I don't know why, but all of these things are really catching up to me. I love him very much, but I feel maybe I need to let him go. If he thinks his life/career path is better than mine, it is not fair for me to stay. I think eventually he wants me to move with him to LA, but that would not happen anytime soon. I just don't know. I'm tired of the constant commentary of female celebrities, and feeling degraded by it as well as feeling like my pathway does not matter. But at the same time, I don't know if I can let go. Just the thought of it breaks my heart to pieces. All I can say that if you ever get the chance to date a man who isn't a self absorbed a-hole... you will see that this isn't normal guy behavior. Sorry, I just think your BF treats you poorly, and doesnt appreciate you. I think you deserve better... but that's just my humble opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
maynicholas Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 Seriously- if I had $1 for every guy I heard who swore they were going to move to LA and become a (write, actor, musician, film maker) insert title here... I would be a VERY rich woman. Move on now before you are still dancing this dance in a few years and it is even harder to get out. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 I think the little bit of recognition he recieved has gone to his head! I think he will find that the world of hollywood isn't as easy to break into as one thinks.... I dated a guy all throughout college- after graduating he got an on air job at a crappy little Canadian "kids news show" as a host.... I helped him move from Hamilton to Toronto and then didn't hear from him!!! I finally got a hold of him (remember we dated 2 years) and he told me that he had moved on to "bigger and better things" and had to explore his new life in the "Big City". What a retard that guy was. I still see him doing commentary reporting for a local network and when I see him I just cringe. I hope this is just something that is temporary. I really would give him the head's up as to how this is affecting you! If the behaviour continues, I'd cut him loose. Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 The majority of men who say they will do X mean exactly that. They can tell you they're joking, and it doesn't mean a damn thing. If he says he'd screw whatever big name celebrity out there, then he would if given a chance. He's not joking about this Btb. If he didn't mean it, then he would've knocked this crap off the FIRST time you talked to him about it. You know you've told him how you feel when he makes those comments. He didn't listen. You do need to let this A-Hole go. I know you love him, and don't want to, but he's using you. He gets what he wants from you until something (he feels) is better comes along. You're an awesome person. Don't allow this to happen anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
DanielMadr Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 I feel really hurt from continual comments he makes when he tells me he would cheat on me with so and so actress, especially since he is going to be around these types all of the time. I am hurt that he tells me he writes scripts specifically for a certain actress that he drools over and tells me this all the time. First it sounded to me as he teasing you. But the second sentence is quite a weird one. He is an azzhole wussy. Link to post Share on other sites
lexi29 Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 Your bf sounds kind of insensitive and maybe has low self esteem. It is disrepectful of him to make comments about how he'd sleep with another woman (no matter how unlikely it may be that he has that chance) because he's so obssessed with an actress. He should think you are #1 and treat you accordingly. You didn't say how old he is but he sounds like he doesn't have a very firm grasp on reality. I hope that he does accomplish what he sets out to do but as someone else pointed out, it isn't easy to make it in Hollywood. If he doesn't respect your feelings then you deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 I had a similar problem with my ex. He didn't go as far as to say he would cheat on me, but he did make comments that implied he was better then me. For awhile I found myself constantly trying to prove that he wasn't, but now that I'm rid of him, I feel so much better. It was hard at first because I loved him so much, but I realized I didn't deserve to be put down like that. I would talk to him, and if he continues, leave him. Link to post Share on other sites
shanny Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 It sounds like you need to let him go (much easier said than done, I know). He is rubbing his success in your face. Relationships should be partnerships. His success should be your success. The stuff that he's saying about the actresses is out of line. You're a student and sound ambitious and he should be proud of you, yet instead he respects them more, regardless of ambitions and personality. Another thing... it doesn't sound like he's really made it in the business yet, more like he's just starting. It's a tough business and his dreams could fall apart at any time. What if it falls apart and then is suddenly kissing your ass to make things better with you? It sounds like you might be a back up. Good luck with this and I apologize if this sounded harsh... but I think you deserve someone who respects you and all the great things about you more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted March 7, 2008 Author Share Posted March 7, 2008 Thanks for the replies. I appreciate it. I am going to visit him this weekend. If anything comes up about any of this, I will talk to him about it. The last time I tried to, though, he made it out to be that I was trying to control his sense of humor and control him in general, which is not what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to feel better about the situation, is all. Sometimes I can feel a bit vulnerable and insecure and such comments do not make me feel any better. Link to post Share on other sites
DanielMadr Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 The majority of men who say they will do X mean exactly that. They can tell you they're joking, and it doesn't mean a damn thing. If he says he'd screw whatever big name celebrity out there, then he would if given a chance. He's not joking about this Btb. If he didn't mean it, then he would've knocked this crap off the FIRST time you talked to him about it. You know you've told him how you feel when he makes those comments. He didn't listen. You do need to let this A-Hole go. I know you love him, and don't want to, but he's using you. He gets what he wants from you until something (he feels) is better comes along. You're an awesome person. Don't allow this to happen anymore. Hmmm. You are right. Freudian slips and all. But it could be just teasing really - generaly speaking (this thread is another chapter). And personally I dont think men, at least those I know, speak about who would they bang....they just do it. But they dont try to terorize their girlfriends like this az*hole. Dump his sorry azz, OP. Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 Hmmm. You are right. Freudian slips and all. But it could be just teasing really - generaly speaking (this thread is another chapter). And personally I dont think men, at least those I know, speak about who would they bang....they just do it. But they dont try to terorize their girlfriends like this az*hole. Dump his sorry azz, OP. Normally I'd agree that it was just teasing. Its still kind of lame, but guys are weird.... But this guy will say this crap right after his girl gave him head, and he didn't lift a finger to give her anything in return. Now, if he's received oral pleasure from her, and then he'd gone out of his way to return the favor, and afterword cracked a joke.... well, maybe. Its still lame, but his actions would've said he didn't mean it. But from what BTB has posted, this guy is a taker, and he's using the jokes to see how far he can push the limits before she'd leave him. Kind of like a litmus test on her reaction to what he wants to do. He'll say this about women he knows and talks to. And turns the whole thing around to tell her she's evil for saying it bothered her. Like she's censoring him, when she very mildly, extremely meekly, suggested she might sorta be kind of hurt when he says stuff like that. How much of an a$$ can a guy be when his girl can barely even suggest she might be hurt by his words and he accuses her of placing chains on his thoughts. ugh. Anyway, yeah... for some guys its a joke and they don't mean it. I wish this guy fell into that category. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 Seriously- if I had $1 for every guy I heard who swore they were going to move to LA and become a (write, actor, musician, film maker) insert title here... I would be a VERY rich woman. Move on now before you are still dancing this dance in a few years and it is even harder to get out. NO KIDDING. When living in West LA, almost every single person I met was an actor/director/screenwriter/blah blah blah. All waiters too, mind you. And every single one of them has since returned to their hometown. The likelihood of succeed is slim to none, even with connections. Link to post Share on other sites
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