findmyway Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 (edited) You aren't at the point yet where you are ready to give up mental images? I know I am not, no way... I already feel lonely enough. How am I doing?? Well, I am definitely still trying to "find my way". I have my moments. Tonight I was saved only by spending time w/my dad (I am single, no kids or anything so my house is empty). I am home now and thankfully, this board makes me feel alittle less alone. Edited March 8, 2008 by findmyway Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 I know I wasnt supposed to answer her call, but it was 6:15 this morning, from a number I didnt recognize (she is down in Florida). Anyway, she called to say she was very sorry for how crazy things have gotten, and this was the last thing she wanted of course.. She wanted to know WHY I called her H, and I told her.. She said that while she is still a little mad, hurt, confused and scared, the thing that sticks out the most during this "clarity trip to Florida", is JUST HOW MUCH SHE LOVES ME... I never asked "how are things at home" and the ONLY thing I said about US, is that "I" am moving forward for ME.. I said that I am glad that the "Affair" is over. And she said she was too.. I was proud of her for saying that she was sorry, and recognizing that things had gotten out of hand. She said that we may have some "trust issues to work through one day, huh?" I said, "yes, but I believe it IS something that we can work through and earn from eachother ONE DAY "We left it at "maybe we can talk about things down the road" Hi Stamp, Golly..I must say it sound's like you did a great job of staying strong here..good for you! I would continue to stick with NC.. while I know that's tough because it does not take away all of the flashback's of what once was.. it's the best method for moving on. Little Step's.. You will get there. Hug's! AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
phoenixgirl Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 Just wanted to say that I'm here, I'm listening, and I support you 100%. Don't know that that matters a whole lot... but I've been taking a whole lotta hope and inspiration from your story. I think you're doing great. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted March 9, 2008 Author Share Posted March 9, 2008 Just wanted to say that I'm here, I'm listening, and I support you 100%. Don't know that that matters a whole lot... but I've been taking a whole lotta hope and inspiration from your story. I think you're doing great. Thanks YOU! and I will be watching you too, and I will be watching U2, next week, with my son, the new movie... Anyway, keep that chin of yours up.. We can do this Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted March 9, 2008 Share Posted March 9, 2008 As someone who's been NC with xMM for over 8 weeks now, I just wanted to say it's really hard to kill the 'hope', and maybe there are different types or degrees of 'hope' or something. Because there's 'being open to her again IF things change'... but being sure and certain that you will not go back to the affair, and will not accept friendship or continued contact. That's more or less where you are, SD, right? Well I don't see how you can totally kill off that 'openness' to her IF things change. That's how I feel about my ex anyway. Doesn't mean I'm not moving on, but it's not exactly 'hope' as it's expressed negatively. Yes, I do hope he changes things at home, but no, it's not going to change the way I feel about my future, and I know I'll never be back there again... Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted March 9, 2008 Author Share Posted March 9, 2008 As someone who's been NC with xMM for over 8 weeks now, I just wanted to say it's really hard to kill the 'hope', and maybe there are different types or degrees of 'hope' or something. Because there's 'being open to her again IF things change'... but being sure and certain that you will not go back to the affair, and will not accept friendship or continued contact. That's more or less where you are, SD, right? Well I don't see how you can totally kill off that 'openness' to her IF things change. That's how I feel about my ex anyway. Doesn't mean I'm not moving on, but it's not exactly 'hope' as it's expressed negatively. Yes, I do hope he changes things at home, but no, it's not going to change the way I feel about my future, and I know I'll never be back there again... That is how I feel, Frannie.. I WILL NOT go back to this affair, or any affair.. IF she changes things at home in the very near future, then I will be open to conversations, which would be being open to HER.... and I would "HOPE" to find "HER" again. But it would have to be soon Link to post Share on other sites
phoenixgirl Posted March 9, 2008 Share Posted March 9, 2008 Stamp, I feel ya on this one, about the hope thing. He's going home so I'm done, I refuse to be OW anymore and I KNOW I'll stand firm in that aspect. But I suppose there still is that little kernel of hope in me that "someday" if things ultimately don't work out b/t him and his W, *after* the theoretical divorce (because I couldn't go through another period of being with sMM like I did the last 8 months), and *if* I'm still single - because I'm sure as hell not going to sit around hingeing my life LIFE on that hope - then maybe we can be together again. But that's, what, another year and a half, maybe two of hypothetical wishing?? Isn't that just a little too pathetic? I've got to learn to let go of hope. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted March 9, 2008 Author Share Posted March 9, 2008 Stamp, I feel ya on this one, about the hope thing. He's going home so I'm done, I refuse to be OW anymore and I KNOW I'll stand firm in that aspect. But I suppose there still is that little kernel of hope in me that "someday" if things ultimately don't work out b/t him and his W, *after* the theoretical divorce (because I couldn't go through another period of being with sMM like I did the last 8 months), and *if* I'm still single - because I'm sure as hell not going to sit around hingeing my life LIFE on that hope - then maybe we can be together again. But that's, what, another year and a half, maybe two of hypothetical wishing?? Isn't that just a little too pathetic? I've got to learn to let go of hope. YES it is! See for me though, Discovery day was over 8 months ago, and she NEVER "went back home" to "try" with him. IF she did, I would be 8 months further down MY road, but she didnt. Yes, she "still lived there", but she never "went back to try to fix the marriage"... NOW, the clock is ticking and it is ticking FAST.. Really, once it "warms up" and I start to do "certain things" AND SHE KNOWS THIS. So basically, it is NOW OR NEVER Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted March 9, 2008 Share Posted March 9, 2008 As someone who's been NC with xMM for over 8 weeks now, I just wanted to say it's really hard to kill the 'hope', and maybe there are different types or degrees of 'hope' or something. Because there's 'being open to her again IF things change'... but being sure and certain that you will not go back to the affair, and will not accept friendship or continued contact. That's more or less where you are, SD, right? Well I don't see how you can totally kill off that 'openness' to her IF things change. That's how I feel about my ex anyway. Doesn't mean I'm not moving on, but it's not exactly 'hope' as it's expressed negatively. Yes, I do hope he changes things at home, but no, it's not going to change the way I feel about my future, and I know I'll never be back there again... Hi Frannie, havent seen you around, I did not know you were in NC??? Mine found out that i am looking at jobs elseswhere, he is pissed now. Oh well, i think its for the best for me to just leave, go far away, and start new. Hopefully all goes in two months. Then I can finally move on, NC is way to hard when you see each other everyday at work. Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted March 9, 2008 Share Posted March 9, 2008 That is how I feel, Frannie.. I WILL NOT go back to this affair, or any affair.. IF she changes things at home in the very near future, then I will be open to conversations, which would be being open to HER.... and I would "HOPE" to find "HER" again. But it would have to be soon You know stamp, I really think they are in denial themselves, they have intentions, but just cant get anything accomplished. They are just to weak of people.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted March 9, 2008 Author Share Posted March 9, 2008 You know stamp, I really think they are in denial themselves, they have intentions, but just cant get anything accomplished. They are just to weak of people.... Maybe so... And I will know.. And I WILL keep walking.. AND SHE WILL KNOW THIS TOO... see, there are MANY things about me and my life that will eat her up... and she will know that I am "moving on", her golf buddy is playing "life" with out her, with his chin up, the sun bright, having friends and neighbors over and "living his life" without her... SHE KNOWS.. And I know too.. That I will be OK, absolutely OK... Time is my pal, and Spring will bring my healing Link to post Share on other sites
phoenixgirl Posted March 9, 2008 Share Posted March 9, 2008 Mina - know what ya mean about the work thing. It sucks. Stamp - that's it exactly! He's going to KNOW that I'm moving on with my life - I think that's one of the things that p*sses him off so much about me wanting all my pictures back. With that move I'm telling him that I'M MOVING ON and I'm MAKING him do the same, MAKING him take responsibility for his choice in going back home. But if his M is really all that awful (and I know for a fact that in the past it has been), and if nothing changes in it when he goes back home, HE'LL BE STUCK. But *I* won't be. My own possibilities are endless! (And as a matter of fact OMG I have one acquaintance emailing me over the last two days and showing definite signs of interest, how the heck to do I handle THAT?) Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted March 9, 2008 Author Share Posted March 9, 2008 Mina - know what ya mean about the work thing. It sucks. Stamp - that's it exactly! He's going to KNOW that I'm moving on with my life - I think that's one of the things that p*sses him off so much about me wanting all my pictures back. With that move I'm telling him that I'M MOVING ON and I'm MAKING him do the same, MAKING him take responsibility for his choice in going back home. But if his M is really all that awful (and I know for a fact that in the past it has been), and if nothing changes in it when he goes back home, HE'LL BE STUCK. But *I* won't be. My own possibilities are endless! (And as a matter of fact OMG I have one acquaintance emailing me over the last two days and showing definite signs of interest, how the heck to do I handle THAT?) You TAKE IT SLOW.... For you. DO NOT just jump into another relationship at the drop of a hat. Take some ME time for a while, it won't kill you.. Tonight is "movie night", for just me... Link to post Share on other sites
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