Jackb228 Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 (edited) Hi my names Jack 18 months Thats how long its been since i was in a relationship, and even that was a year after the last. i recently finished University in england and returned to my home town, and things have just been bad. i have made few friends outside of work and im finding it very hard too meet new people having very few friends left in my home town with hardly any of those knowing any girls that are single. The thing is its taken me this long, and all this difficulty in making relationships and there was one standing right next too me at work. lets just call her E. we got on badly for a while but in the last few months after Xmas we got very close. i was spending almost every evening over at her flat but i just couldnt pop the question just too say would you like too go out some time. but i managed it in the end. i even got a reservation at a table in a resteraunt in our town. all was set and then Bam her new Bf appears. Somone she had never even met before asks her out at work and she says yes. i dont think i have ever felt so ****ed over in my whole life. i tried everthing to try and drop my feelings for her but last week i told her everything about how i felt, and her answer was i feel the same way. i am still totally flabagasted she feels this way about me and she doesnt see anything happening with this guy . I dont know what to do . were meeting up in an hour hopefully too talk. Please could somone a guy girl or whatever please offer some advice. do i lay the friend or try and muscle in and risk losing everything. (Ps sorry im writting this in a bit of a state) Edited March 7, 2008 by Jackb228 Link to post Share on other sites
fishtaco Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 What you did wrong: - Try to date someone at work... that's bad - You were too slow - You were building a friendship when you wanted romance - You were focused on one woman - You created some sort of mental relationship with her when you weren't in a relationship, that's why when it's gone you feel hurt... you did it to yourself. Basics of dating is watch your hygiene, don't be creepy, increase your social life. If you don't have friends you won't have dates. If you don't have a network of friends already, build one. Friends may come and go, but you have to keep your friend network for life. Dating will come from some connection from that network, directly or indirectly. Even if it's Eric's birthday and you happened to meet some random woman Julie at the restaurant. Well you were at the restaurant because of Eric's birthday. Dating is a social event, you have to be social. A lot of people make the mistake of leaving their friends when they get into a relationship. Well, once that relationship is done they've got to beg to come back or start over. Oh and you can ask your friends for help. Anything from style, social etiquette, and even setting you up, or inside information on a lead. Then on top of the basics, don't have one woman as your focus. Quantity is the key, use the shotgun method. Of course then it's a balancing act, you want to keep all your leads separate, unless you're working some form of strategy. Let's say E is one of 3 girls you're dating, and you have 2 other leads you haven't explored yet. She goes away... okay... whatever, activate one of the leads. Much easier than hurting and much more effective. But of course before you can accomplish this you need a solid social network first. If you don't know how to make friends then I can't help you. I've alway been able to make friends, but once upon a time, not dates. I've paid my dues and learned the ropes, so I can tell you what I do. But the foundation is still from a stage were I could make friends. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Mezzi Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 My advice to you is to be perfectly clear that you and her are on the same page when you meet tonight. Also be a little more passionate and show your interest in a romantic relationship as well as a friendship. In addition, maybe you should consider the effect of a relationship with a co-worker. I hope you meet more people as well, I understand how it feels to have few friends. Like you ive also been out of a relationship for close to 18 months. Yes, it sucks to be in this position; but it will improve. Best of luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
sam light Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 If she says she feels the same way, then what is the question? Get out of the friend mind set now. Go for it Link to post Share on other sites
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