My family amazes me

[anonymous_one]

Yes I am a regular here but due to the fact that this will likely be a rather pathetic vent/rant of sorts, I just didn't want anyone who knows me here to "feel sorry" for me; thus, I'd like to remain anonymous, thx.

 

Today is my 36th birthday. I learned a long time ago to never expect much on my birthday, and that way I would never be disappointed. I have spent many of them all alone due to geographical reasons; I used to live a few thousand miles away from family. Now I live a half hour away.

 

I am absolutely shocked that my mom and dad have not bothered to pick up the phone to call and acknowledge my birthday. They've never "not" before. I know, however, this has to do with my sister.

 

My younger (by 3 yrs) sister and I got into an argument at the beginning of April. She said some extremely cold and hurtful things to me; things that made it oh so clear that she has no comprehension whatsoever about anything that matters to me in life. She ended up leaving me 2 nasty voicemails and stupidly, I listened to them on my way to work one morning, and I cried all the way to work.

 

About 1 month ago, she left me a voicemail at home, sarcastically and snidely indicating that she'd tried calling me earlier but that I am obviously not returning her calls..and in a rather snooty and threatening way, she told me that she knows I'm angry with her, but that if I didn't return her call she was going to show up on my doorstep. Well, her continued rudeness didn't do much to foster my desire to call her, or make attempts at reconciling. I've lived here for over 18 months and maybe she's been to visit me a handful of times. She's a b*tch, what can I say. She thinks that her husband and her children should be the center of our family's attention and devotion. At any family gathering, I would quickly faid off into the woodwork because the only topics up for discussion were those surrounding her children, her inlaws, my brother inlaws career, their fancy house, their fancy holidays, which new designer clothing she bought for the children.

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not an attention seeker, in fact, I'm more of one to blend into the background, but I could around allof them with 2 black eyes and all my teeth missing and nobody would even notice.

 

My sister leads a very charmed life. She's always been my parent's pet and favorite, and I learned to just accept that many years ago. She's always been one to put on a good show, portraying herself always as the "good daughter".....while being a real hellraiser and tramp, to some degree, behind their backs (back before she was married). I, on the other hand, was who I was, and I didn't try to put on a show or kiss my parents' ass.

 

We both grew up in an abusive home, where our mother was a first-class neurotic timebomb (she's much different now, of course). I always go the brunt of her wrath a lot more, because I was "the oldest." I got my first fat lip from my mother at the age of 4 yrs old and I can recall it vividly. My sister and I were squabbling over something insigificant, and in usual motherly-style, mom felt my sister should have whatever it was, and she hauled off and slapped my mouth so hard I ended up with a fat lip.

 

Growing up, I had to endure my mother's many suicide threats, histrionics, screaming, swearing, being whipped with willow branches and skipping ropes (til I had welts all over my body); her hands around my throat many times, filled with rage and choking me (why, I don't know, I was never a bad kid, was too afraid to disobey). I remember she'd get in one of her "moods" and she would come charging into my humble little bedroom ,and she'd be raging on about how messy it was (it wasn't), and she would tear all of the blankets and sheets off the bed, she'd dump out all of my drawers, she'd take all of my clothes off the hangers in the closet, she'd go through my room like a hurricane, screaming psychotically all the while, and she'd command me to not come out until I'd cleaned my room.

 

Her favorite threat was that she was going down into the basement to get the shotgun, that she was going to kill herself, because my sister and I were so bad/didn't appreciate all she did for us/her life was so miserable (Dad would not be home when she did this, usually). The first dozen times she did this, I would wet my pants out of sheer terror. My sister would scream and beg my mom, tell her that we loved her. The next dozen times I had had enough of mom's loony antics and I must have made a conscious decision at the meager age of 10 or 11 that I didn't care what she did. I learned early on about drama queens and histrionics. My sister didn't. She would be mom's faithful little pet and fall for her unstable s*** every single time.

 

Mom obviously grew to resent me a lot because she could no longer elicit the response of a sorrowful and terrified little child.

 

I attribute a lot of my sister's being the "favorite" to all of this as a child. My sister was an ass kisser, and to be true to myself, I could simply not continue to allow my own mother to abuse me like she had; her tricks and games and pathetic ploys would no longer work on me.

 

Anyway, my sister spent much of her life, into her twenties, kissing their ass and being the good daughter, all the while having an easy ride, while I was out there busting my ass to make a life for myself, all by myself.

 

My sister married someone with a lot of money who is as arrogant as the day is long. She's changed a lot and I don't like the person she's become.

 

She and her husband live next door to a young guy, about our age, who years before was in a motorcycle accident that left him paralyzed from the waist down. He is a very proud guy and doesn't ever want to ask for help (which is understandable). His insurance settlement afforded him the beautiful home he lives in, but money is running out for him and his health isn't that great. He is plagued with horrible, persistent open sores to his tailbone area that require dangerous surgery to possibly cure...basically the gist of it is that he asks my brother inlaw for help now and then, like for him to take him to the clinic to have his dressing changed, or to borrow $20. This is a guy who's spent many an hour on the floor in his home because he couldn't get to the phone to call for help.

 

You should hear my sister and brother inlaw (mostly sister) talk about how annoyed they are when this guys calls them. My sister b!tches that her precious hubby was called over next door to take this guy to get groceries or to the clinic. She is an ungrateful b!tch on wheels. If not for the grace of God, she could be the one with a festering hole in her ass, doing her best to survive, fearing she'll forever be alone with no partner in life and no children. She is a snob. I am ashamed of her, in her designer home with her designer clothes, not a care in the world and complaining that that paraplegic next door is becoming a "nuisance."

 

Anyway, I have not talked to my sister since early April. Her precious son's 1st birthday was 2 days ago. I am so disgusted with her, I was surely not about to call her up to wish him (a baby) a happy birthday. I'm sure there was a large family birthday party for him, and I wanted no part of it because as childish as it is, I am very hurt still with her and I feel that if she weren't my sister, just an acquaintance, she's so different from me and so stuck in her own little world that i'd have nothing to do with her..so why should i have to simply because we're related?

 

So I'm sure she went crying to my parents and telling that what an awful sister I am, what an awful aunt I am and how I didn't even acknowledge her little manchild's blessed birthday.

 

My parents have always been ones to profess they'll never choose sides, when it comes down to my sister and I. But I know they do. I know they all talk about me behind my back as well. However, I have never talked about my sister behind their back, for if I tried, they would quickly tell me to keep quiet, that they didn't want to hear about it or be in the middle.

 

Well, I guess them not calling today is my 'punishment' for being such a rotten sister.

 

So I spend my 36th birthday feeling rather alone, somewhat hurt, a little angry, and pretty disappointed.

 

thx

[yes]

i don't know what to say about your family but ... happy bday!

 

-yes

[LOTSOFLOVE]

MY POOR BABY

I HAVE LIVED A LIFE OF PAIN AND SUFFERING

PRACTICALY LIVING IN HOSPITALS FOR MOST OF MY CHILDHOOD

BEACAUSE OF MY ILLNESS

MY MOTHER WOULD VISHOUSLY SPANK ME FOR DOING BAD IN SCHOOL WHEN I WAS OUT OF SCHOOL 40 % OF THE TIME

MY SISTER NOW AN ADULT AND MARIED AND WITH CHILDREN

TREATS ME WITH NO REGARD FOR THE HELL I HAVE BEEN THRU

 

AND THE FACT THAT I DO NOT HAVE A WIFE AND CHILDREN TO LOVE AS I MOST DESPERATLY WANT

SHE HAS ASKED ME FOR MONEY SEVERAL TIMES UP TO $ 80 000

I HAVE LOVINGLY WITHOUT QUESTIONS LENT HER THE MONEY

 

A FEW WEEKS AGO AFTER LOOSING MY BUSINESS OF 12 YEARS I ASKED HER TO BORROW $ 5000.

I WAS INTEROGATED AS TO WHERE WAS THE MONEY GOING TO COME FROM TO PAY HER AND WHEN I WAS GOING TO PAY HER

SHE MADE ME WISH I WOULD HAVE NEVER ASKED HER FOR MONEY

 

I POURED MY HEART OUT IN AN EMAIL I SENT HER TELLING HOW MUCH SHE HURT ME SHE TOTALY IGNORES MY EMAIL

 

IM VERY COMPUTER LITERATE AND KNOW SHE GOT THE EMAIL

MY MOTHER TAKES SIDES EVEN THOUGH SHE SAYS SHE DOES NOT

 

EVEN HER HUSBAND REALISES HOW COLD SHE IS WITH ME

I LOVE MY NIECES SO VERY MUCH AND STILL PUT UP WITH HER TO SEE THEM AND SPEND SOME TIME WITH THEM

OTHER THAN FOR MY NIECES EVERYTIME I GO THERE I WISH I WOULDENT HAD

 

YOURE NOT ALONE AND YOURE POST HAS MADE ME FEEL IM NOT ALONE

 

I WISH YOU THE BEST IN THE WORLD

 

CARLOS

[HokeyReligions]

CONGRATS ON MAKING IT TO 36! YEAH FANFARE APPLAUSE CYBER-HUGS (wish I was 36 again!)

 

I didn't come from an abusive family, but a neglectful one and one spent in hospitals because of various family members illnesses.

 

I am the "favored" daughter because I'm the youngest and the only one who didn't run away as a teenager. I've always been the one that my mother could depend on - as such, my mother lives with my husband and I.

 

I have a sister something like you have described, only instead of marrying a rich husband, she married one who beat her, raped their daughters, beat them and she raised them on welfare and ADC because he was too stupid to work and/or too lazy.

 

We didn't see her for years because her loser of a husband would not allow it and they lived in another state. As I got older I tried to stay in touch and do what I could for her kids - often taking them for months at a time to raise (even though I was a teenager myself) when my family was in a hospital somewhere.

 

Now that the kids are grown with kids of their own, and my sister divorced that loser and remarried - she has become even more of a princess than ever and she's always right about everything. When our mother was forced out of her home in California by my sister, my sister had someone call me and tell me that mom had to live with me. My sister went so far as to take back everything she had ever given mom, like family photos, and it was horrible.

 

I used to miss having contact with my neices and nephew and I've never seen pictures of their kids, but I accept that we are all better off this way. It's sad that families can't be close when it seems like we should, but then again, you don't pick your family.

 

I'm sorry that your family has hurt you and as hard as it is all you can really do is be yourself and act the way you would like your family to act and if they don't respond then you just have to accept it. Sometimes its darn hard to be a role model when those you are modeling for won't look. But you have the satisfaction of knowing that you are the best person you can be and you can be proud to say that if you would like to have someone like you for a friend or a relative. Someone else will see that too eventually.

 

If you want to stay in touch with your sisters kids - then do. Even if they don't recognize the effort now, someday they will grow up and might remember their aunt who was always kind to them.

[silkprint]

Happy Bday and congrats . New to this board and it looks great . Wanted to say that my lil sister was actually ON the Springer show . Can you imagine how emabarrassing that was?