Author Star Gazer Posted March 9, 2008 Author Share Posted March 9, 2008 4 years older seems forgivable to me. It seems like that's about the right age difference, I mean. 4 years older than his STATED age. He's in fact now almost more than 10 years older than me. His STATED age was pushing it for me already. In addition, I made it very clear during our numerous telephone conversations how important honesty is to me, and that I've dated guys in their late 30's and never quite felt like we had the same interests and such. I assume you have equally specific height and weight requirements. I can hear it now: "Before dinner you were in the right weight range, but then you ate and now I really can't date you. It's a hard and fast rule, you know. Maybe we can try again in the morning. Or could you maybe go try to use the bathroom? Next time I'd recommend staying away from that second glass of water." That's really insulting, Johan. I'm not superficial. It's not unreasonable for an already short woman to want to be shorter than the guy she's dating when in heels, and not want someone who's more than 30-40 pounds heavier than their healthy weight. Like I said, I only have two hard and fast rules: taller than me in heels, and completely honest. Link to post Share on other sites
wesrjohn Posted March 9, 2008 Share Posted March 9, 2008 Im sorry but you seem to have this preoccupation with age differences. As the lying about is not good, Maybe you should see the positive aspects of an older guy and what he can bring to the table. And be more open to the age thing because there are so many other requirements that would be much more important to a successful relationship. He can also have a problem with youre immaturity with something as petty as an age difference. What other issues could he be in store for? Try and consider that a relationship is two people and not just you. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 (edited) Im sorry but you seem to have this preoccupation with age differences. As the lying about is not good, Maybe you should see the positive aspects of an older guy and what he can bring to the table. And be more open to the age thing because there are so many other requirements that would be much more important to a successful relationship. He can also have a problem with youre immaturity with something as petty as an age difference. What other issues could he be in store for? Try and consider that a relationship is two people and not just you. This is completely bizarre! First, you need not be sorry with someone else's personal preferences...that's what makes us human. Second, the poster didn't come here for a lecture on why she should like older men. I happen to love younger women and it pisses me off to the max when people try to convince me I shouldn't. I am an adult...just like the original poster...and by virtue of that fact I am honored with the privilege of liking what the hell I want and rejecting what I want. You have implied that the OP is immature because she has a problem "with something as petty as an age difference." Well, I hate to differ with you but that's no more petty than preferences about the make and color of a car we may want to buy, food and drink preferences, exercise preferences, etc. Everybody has certain feelings about the opposite sex and what they like...it can vary according to height, weight, hair color, education, etc. or a combination. To imply that they are immature for doing that is highly irrational and actually contrary to human nature and biology. If this lady doesn't want to date people more than ten years older than she is, that's her right. There are American soldiers fighting all over the world to preserve her freedom to do such (among other freedoms, of course). Edited March 10, 2008 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted March 10, 2008 Author Share Posted March 10, 2008 Im sorry but you seem to have this preoccupation with age differences. As the lying about is not good, Maybe you should see the positive aspects of an older guy and what he can bring to the table. And be more open to the age thing because there are so many other requirements that would be much more important to a successful relationship. He can also have a problem with youre immaturity with something as petty as an age difference. What other issues could he be in store for? Try and consider that a relationship is two people and not just you. I am not here to debate the pros and cons of dating an older man. This has very little to do with the age difference and EVERYTHING to do with the fact that he LIED. The "requirements that are important in a successful relationship" include honesty, do they not? That said, if it wasn't important, if age doesn't and shouldn't matter at all, then why does he feel compelled to lie to EVERYONE about it? Keep in mind that when he told me his true age and apologized, he also said that he completely understood if I was no longer interested because that's the reaction he usually gets when women find out he hasn't been honest. BTW, generally not wanting to date someone 10 years older than me (and certainly not someone who's 10 years older AND a proven liar) does not make me immature or petty, but thanks for the insult. But wait - aren't you the same person who was complaining about online dishonesty? Glass houses, dude. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted March 10, 2008 Author Share Posted March 10, 2008 You guys keep saying that he's 4 years older than me. He's not. He's 4 years older than his stated age on the site. He's actually 10 years older than me. He said he was 35, but he's in fact 39 (and about to turn 40). I'm 29. But again, I'm not trying to open a discussion about dating older men. What's important here is that he lied, and he lied about something he knew mattered TO ME. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 You guys keep saying that he's 4 years older than me. He's not. He's 4 years older than his stated age on the site. He's actually 10 years older than me. He said he was 35, but he's in fact 39 (and about to turn 40). I'm 29. But again, I'm not trying to open a discussion about dating older men. What's important here is that he lied, and he lied about something he knew mattered TO ME. Gotcha and my post has been duly modified. All other facts, comments and opinions remain unchanged. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 4 years older than his STATED age. He's in fact now almost more than 10 years older than me. His STATED age was pushing it for me already. In addition, I made it very clear during our numerous telephone conversations how important honesty is to me, and that I've dated guys in their late 30's and never quite felt like we had the same interests and such. Ah, I misread your original post. 10 years difference is a lot. And I don't blame you for being annoyed about it. That's really insulting, Johan. I'm not superficial. It's not unreasonable for an already short woman to want to be shorter than the guy she's dating when in heels, and not want someone who's more than 30-40 pounds heavier than their healthy weight. Well, I still think what I wrote was amusing, but it had nothing to do with you, as it was based on my original understanding of the problem. Which was wrong. So, I'm sorry. I agree: you are not superficial. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 Ah, I misread your original post. 10 years difference is a lot. And I don't blame you for being annoyed about it. Same here SG.. I did misread your OP... 10 years at 29 is more than most people date... Link to post Share on other sites
AussieJack Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 (edited) Who cares if he lied? I mean besides you. It doesn't bother me all that much. I agree that lying is BAD BAD BAD ! I met this "lady" once on Match and she said that she was 35 years old and her body was "average" ... I am 47 and VERY average -every time I think about exercise I lie down until the feeling passes. Anyways, she was smokin HOT (a 9.9 ) We went out on a date and she bought me dinner, paid for the limo, got all touchy and begged to come back to my place..I was feeling overwhelmed and my gut was telling me something aint' right, so I asked for some ID.. She looked sheepish and handed me her DL which put her age at 27 YEARS OLD. I just got out of the limo and walked away - damn I hate liars ! Edited March 10, 2008 by AussieJack Link to post Share on other sites
AriaIncognito Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 The last guy I dated was shorter than me (I'm 5' 4" barefoot). He puts 5'5" on all his online profiles because he believes that it gets him in the door with most women that he'd not be getting in the door with. So far it appears to have worked, so i guess not everyone expects exact honestly on these profiles? I dont know. Personally, I probably wouldn't have wanted to consider a guy that was shorter than me, but it ended up probably being the strongest connection I've felt with anyone in my dating life, so I guess I can't knock it. It sucks that you know he was dishonest from the get go, but I dont know, I think I'd go on a few dates and see if it really mattered or not. (his age). Because maybe it won't once you get to know him. We all have the imposed limits, but sometimes it's good to go outside of them as learning experiences. My last 2 relationships were both outside my limits, and while they didn't work out in the long run, I learned a lot about myself from both of them, so I think they were good for me to experience... Just my 2 cents, of course. Link to post Share on other sites
SoHotZanzibar Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 Same here SG.. I did misread your OP... 10 years at 29 is more than most people date... My turn to apologize! I also misread the post. Yeah, if you have a problem with 10 years, tell him to keep on truckin. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 Ahhh. I have to admit I am guilty about lying about my age. I am 38- and I routinely put 35.... recently I got the courage to up the age to 36. I don't do it to purposely decieve people, for me it's a personal insecurity. I have a problem with my age- so I am not truthful about it. Shame on me- I know. However- having said that. Once someone contacts me and we chat, I tell them before I meet them that I am really 38. Then, they can make the decision to either meet me or not. I had one instance where I kept the age to myself and when he found out he was mad.... (we still dated after)... but that situation taught me a lesson. I will now be honest usually with the first msn conversation. In my experience, men have lied to me about: Height Being married or having a gf Age Body type Having kids I don't take the online thing too seriously. I understand that it's frustrating when people aren't honest. I know it usually has to do with people's own insecurities. Link to post Share on other sites
SoHotZanzibar Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 That's no big deal D-Lish. too bad you just can't put mid 30's or something like that. it's how honest you are when you talk one-on-one that really counts IMO. And with the guy lying about a 10 year difference...thats huge Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted March 10, 2008 Author Share Posted March 10, 2008 D - it would have been a completely different thing if he'd told me via IM, email, or any of our SEVEN telephone conversations prior to meeting. (That's an issue in and of itself - despite my desire to meet quickly and not spend a lot of time on the phone, he insisted upon talking for a while before meeting, probably to reel me in?) And if he'd told me he's a little insecure about his age, or FEELS like he's 35, or anything other than the whole, "It's not a big deal, people lie all the time, I did it for myself to have more options" that he gave me... well, he might have had a chance. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 That's no big deal D-Lish. too bad you just can't put mid 30's or something like that. it's how honest you are when you talk one-on-one that really counts IMO. And with the guy lying about a 10 year difference...thats huge I agree- 10 years is huge. I know I would never try and pretend I was 28. I like to date under 40. I once met up with a guy who said he was 27. His pic was taken from a distance- so it was hard to tell. When I met him- he couldn't have been more than maybe 19- 20 tops. His mom kept calling his cell phone to ask when he was bringing the car home and he paid for his portion of dinner with loonies and toonies. lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 Oh wow, She dates that tempered broke guy and he is the "love of her life" or something... Guy moves aways and she moves on the next day. Meets "internet dude" and he is.... "too-good-to-be-true thus far." OMG Amazing!!! I wish I'd be like that, meet Joe and he's just "perfect". Prince Charming. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted March 10, 2008 Author Share Posted March 10, 2008 Oh wow, She dates that tempered broke guy and he is the "love of her life" or something... Guy moves aways and she moves on the next day. Meets "internet dude" and he is.... "too-good-to-be-true thus far." OMG Amazing!!! I wish I'd be like that, meet Joe and he's just "perfect". Prince Charming. Ex moved away two months ago, Ariadne. I've hardly completely moved on. I've been on two very unsuccessful dates. Whop-dee-doo. The "too-good-to-be-true" comment obviously has to be taken in context - I started to think he was too good to the point I wondered if he was slick/manipulating me. He basically figured out what I wanted and told me that's what he was - but it was all on paper (or really, computer screen), before I had ever even met the guy. Clearly he wasn't what he presented in at least two ways (honesty and his age), and I have no interest in sticking around to figure out all the other ways where he lied. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 Ah the women of LS and their constant man troubles. I can tell this situation has really disturbed you, and chances of further bonding with this man may be futile. But I think I've got the recipe to create man for you. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 Ex moved away two months ago, Ariadne. I've hardly completely moved on. I've been on two very unsuccessful dates. Whop-dee-doo. The "too-good-to-be-true" comment obviously has to be taken in context - I started to think he was too good to the point I wondered if he was slick/manipulating me. He basically figured out what I wanted and told me that's what he was - but it was all on paper (or really, computer screen), before I had ever even met the guy. Clearly he wasn't what he presented in at least two ways (honesty and his age), and I have no interest in sticking around to figure out all the other ways where he lied. I don't know if you've followed any of my internet dating sauga's- but for the most part, I haven't found too much success. SOmetimes I see pictures of uys on the site saying they are 35 when they look like my dad. Either they are lying about their age or I don't have much to look forward to in my age range. It's so easy to hide behind a computer screen. I don't know how this guy thought he could get away with pretending to be 10 years younger. I mean, you would have known as soon as you met him....he had to know that unless he is seriously delusional. As a rule, before I meet someone I have a couple conversations with them on web cam. That has served me well in knowing "what" I am meeting.... the rest is a crap shoot. Don't let one experience ruin it for you. I've met some cool people. This guy you met was way too shady... there is no recovering from that. I take it easy now. I always wait a few weeks before meeting someone- make sure to have plenty of conversations- see pictures and view them on cam. I get pissed if someone tries to push a meeting on me. on the the next.... that's the one good thing about online dating- if one doesn't work out, there is a line up behind him.... Link to post Share on other sites
cutegirl Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 I am sure it's "common" for people to lie about themselves when dating online but to me it seems really desperate, it's like they are so desperate that they will say and do anything just to get their foot in the door and not only is he lying to you but he's telling the same lie to every other woman he meets online too! So it's not like he's lying because he's infatuated with you but because it's customary for him. I would be insulted. It would seriously piss me off and make me think of the guy differently. I hate liars, I'm very perceptive and I always keep mental notes of everything that a new guy is telling me to make sure that everything adds up. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 Ah the women of LS and their constant man troubles. I can tell this situation has really disturbed you, and chances of further bonding with this man may be futile. But I think I've got the recipe to create man for you. Says the guy who gets bent out of shape about leaving a voice mail. Link to post Share on other sites
ICallsEmAsISeesEm Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 Well Star, I didn't read all 4 pages, just the first one and I can plainly see you don't appreciate having been CONNED, and that's what he did. I don't share the opinion of others that it's a minor little lie like telling you your butt doesn't look fat in those jeans. The guy LIED and had plenty of opportunity to come clean LONG before the end of your date. And rightfully so, it's bothering you. The even more disconcerting thing about this is the fact that he's so practiced at it. I wasn't surprised when I read you'd seen his ad on there 5 years ago, or the fact that he uses a younger picture on his profile to draw you in. He's running a little shell game and it's disrespectful to YOU and anyone else he lies to. I read all the time about guys who are ticked off when they go on a 'first meet' and the gal shows up 100 pounds heavier than her pictures had depicted. They feel conned and they don't like having been tricked and most of them wouldn't ask the gal for a 2nd date. You were tricked too, just with the age. He seems a little too smooth at the lying game, doesn't he? No wonder he's still on the same dating site 5 years later. There's a REASON for that, Star. Link to post Share on other sites
lino Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 Well Star, I didn't read all 4 pages, just the first one and I can plainly see you don't appreciate having been CONNED, and that's what he did. I don't share the opinion of others that it's a minor little lie like telling you your butt doesn't look fat in those jeans. The guy LIED and had plenty of opportunity to come clean LONG before the end of your date. And rightfully so, it's bothering you. The even more disconcerting thing about this is the fact that he's so practiced at it. I wasn't surprised when I read you'd seen his ad on there 5 years ago, or the fact that he uses a younger picture on his profile to draw you in. He's running a little shell game and it's disrespectful to YOU and anyone else he lies to. I read all the time about guys who are ticked off when they go on a 'first meet' and the gal shows up 100 pounds heavier than her pictures had depicted. They feel conned and they don't like having been tricked and most of them wouldn't ask the gal for a 2nd date. You were tricked too, just with the age. He seems a little too smooth at the lying game, doesn't he? No wonder he's still on the same dating site 5 years later. There's a REASON for that, Star. well said. star gazer, the approach you're taking to this is not unreasonable at all IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
malaclypse Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 Thing is, it's not his age that bothers me as much as the fact that he LIED about it. I won't go into detail, but there's been several opportunities where he's had the opportunity to fess up. In fact, given the circumstances those other opportunities amount to additional lies IMO. His actual age does bug me a little bit. I'm not sure if he had told me his real age at the beginning whether I would have still talked to him and met up with him. I don't get the apologist view many people have here... of course, almost no one always and always tells the truth and nothing but the truth, but if he's so accustomed to lying, doesn't feel bad about it and thinks it's no big deal...this is be a red flag in my book. Unless of course you're willing to be with someone whose word you cannot trust...The main point is not the age, but that you probably will never really know what he said is true and what's not... Link to post Share on other sites
HotPink Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 I think you are right to be cautious, right to be worried that he IS a liar and right to not date this man. Link to post Share on other sites
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