Author daisygirl Posted March 28, 2008 Author Share Posted March 28, 2008 Findingme, Thanks so much for sharing your story! Sounds like you really went through hell and back. I can't believe what your ex put you through with the kids. That's awful that people use children like that to get "revenge" on an ex. But I am sure it happens all the time. Gunny, Thank you for sharing the info! I need to check out those books to help me with my finances. I admit I need lots of help in that area.... Twice_shy, I am so sorry to hear that your children are living in that environment. I agree that the mother does NOT always deserve custody just because she's a woman. It just so happens in my situation that I have been the primary caretaker for my son without much help (other than financial, of course) from anyone else. I don't drink, I don't smoke, and I don't do drugs, so I see no reason that my husband would think he would deserve sole custody. But you are so right that the courts should not always assume the kids are best with the mother. Years ago, my uncle was awarded sole custody of all 3 of his kids because his ex was an alcoholic and was living with a convicted child molester. But he still had to fight like hell. She even ended up kidnapping the youngest one and my uncle had to find her himself. It was so sad. She's not in their lives at all anymore. She doesn't want to be..... Good luck to you, twice_shy.... Link to post Share on other sites
Findingme Posted March 29, 2008 Share Posted March 29, 2008 Findingme, Thanks so much for sharing your story! Sounds like you really went through hell and back. I can't believe what your ex put you through with the kids. That's awful that people use children like that to get "revenge" on an ex. But I am sure it happens all the time. Gunny, Thank you for sharing the info! I need to check out those books to help me with my finances. I admit I need lots of help in that area.... Twice_shy, I am so sorry to hear that your children are living in that environment. I agree that the mother does NOT always deserve custody just because she's a woman. It just so happens in my situation that I have been the primary caretaker for my son without much help (other than financial, of course) from anyone else. I don't drink, I don't smoke, and I don't do drugs, so I see no reason that my husband would think he would deserve sole custody. But you are so right that the courts should not always assume the kids are best with the mother. Years ago, my uncle was awarded sole custody of all 3 of his kids because his ex was an alcoholic and was living with a convicted child molester. But he still had to fight like hell. She even ended up kidnapping the youngest one and my uncle had to find her himself. It was so sad. She's not in their lives at all anymore. She doesn't want to be..... Good luck to you, twice_shy.... Hey sweety, It happens every day, not just to me. It really pisses me off when people do this stuff because in the long run the kids get hurt the worst. My daughter for instance has trouble bonding with people, I think some of it is due to all that but the rest due to moving around so much with the military. In this day and age they try as much as possible to award joint custody which I think is a great thing in most cases. I know that's the way I would rather have it if hubby and I got divorced. It's not always feasible but think for the kids the so called adults ought to be putting aside their differences to do the right thing for their kids. Again...... good luck! Until that day show your son every day that you love him, don't let him get lost in all the crap. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted March 29, 2008 Share Posted March 29, 2008 How to say this? My Mom left me when I was six? This was back in the Sixties? When women's choices were slim and next to none? And, "Slim?" He just left town? Flashforward 30 years! The hardest thing I had with my X leaving me? Was abdonment! I had "issues" with it! I'm OK with it now? Because I understand the "who, what, when, where" of it all? NOW? Link to post Share on other sites
Findingme Posted March 29, 2008 Share Posted March 29, 2008 How to say this? My Mom left me when I was six? This was back in the Sixties? When women's choices were slim and next to none? And, "Slim?" He just left town? Flashforward 30 years! The hardest thing I had with my X leaving me? Was abdonment! I had "issues" with it! I'm OK with it now? Because I understand the "who, what, when, where" of it all? NOW? Gunny that is F'd up! That actually happened to my Mom also when she was really young and she never even to this day has gotten over it. I think it's part of the reason she deals so much with depression, does something to ya, but you know that already. I felt the same way missing my Dad, I was always told growin up whenever we did something bad that we would have to go live with our Dad so we assumed that he wasn't a nice guy and didn't want us because we never heard from him. Well I did get sent to live with him when I was 16 and let me tell you, the story was COMPLETELY different then we were led to believe. My Mom and step dad skipped state with us when we were little and he had no idea where we were. Mom would call him every few years but he never knew where we were. He went to see us 1 day and when he got to our house nobody answered the door so he looked in the window and the house was empty. To this day I still remember crying myself to sleep for my Dad and my step dad getting mad because I cried all the time. Apparantly my Dad had custody of me and My Mom had my sister for like 2 years. I don't remember that, funny how I do remember feeling loved but that ended pretty quick with my step-dad. My Dad died 13 years ago, I miss him still. Just the other night I dreamed I was hanging out with him and when I woke up I just wanted to go back to sleep so I could hang out with him again. Sometimes I find myself still reaching for the phone to call him and I just get sad. We used to do this weird thing nobody would understand but we'd swear at each other in spanish, not really AT each other but TO each other. We'd go to Cherry Valley together, go fishing together at Saltnsea (spelling) LONG time ago, to the waterhole thing, forget the name of it but it was water that melted from the mountains in the desert, as hot as the desert was that water was COLD. Sorry for my trip down memory lane. Have you seen your Mom since then? My Mom and I were NOT close growing up, we're closer now but nowhere near what my relationship with my Dad. I feel very blessed that I was able to meet and spend a little time even if it was short with my Dad, I felt like I finally belonged to someone who really wanted me. Hope this post didn't make you feel worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Author daisygirl Posted April 4, 2008 Author Share Posted April 4, 2008 Hey everyone! I wanted to give a quick update to my situation. I also wanted to say thanks again for all the support. It really means a lot to me.I am really glad I found this board :-) Anyway, I'll make this as brief as possible. STBX has been pretty calm lately and seems to be finally accepting that it's over. He seems excited about being out on his own, and is even saying his friends and family in Turkey have women to fix him up with. He's even already started emailing one woman to "get to know her". He told me all about it, and even showed me her picture. I was kind of surprised that he's wanting to meet a woman so quickly, but I don't feel the least bit jealous. I even pictured him with another woman - dating, living with, or whatever - and can't feel anyhting but happy that he's moving on. No jealousy at all. I just asked him to be careful who he brings around our son, and of course I'll do the same when the time comes that I feel comfortable dating. However, that's the last thing on my mind right now. I went and talked to an attorney on Wednesday and got some info. She said that I would most likely get primary physical custody of our son and we'd have joint legal custody, which sounds great to me. But she said in this state, spousal support is very rare and pretty much only happens if the spouse is disabled or unable to work for some other reason. Which is fine also, I'll make do somehow. The other bad news is that she requires a retainer (which I completely understand) but I don't have the funds to put one down right now - all bank accts are in STBX's name. I also don't have anyone who can help me financially, so I am not sure what to do there. May have to go to legal aid. More good news though - I had TWO job interviews this week! Neither are my dream job (lol), but both are pretty good money, good benefits, good hours, etc. So I am hoping to hear from one or both of them next week. I had good feelings about both, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed!! That's it for now. I'll keep you all posted as things progress. Right now, I am feeling pretty good Link to post Share on other sites
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