Scrivdog Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 On Saturday we were at the mall with the kids and I happened to notice a couple of about our age walking in front of us arm in arm. The woman quickly reached down and pinched his ass and then brought her arm up quickly. My wife both saw it and I chuckled. Later that night she made a comment about it suggesting how odd it was. I told her that I didn't think it was odd at all. In fact I thought that's the way married people should be. Then again, I said, maybe she wasn't his wife at all but his mistress - which maybe would explain her actions. She rolled her eyes and said "Maybe you should get a girlfriend, then". To which I replied, "Oh that. Yeah - I already have one." For a minute she thought I was just being funny, then her jaw dropped. Needless to say, things are a little more surrealistic around the home right now. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 So, what happens next? Are you relieved that you told her? Did you tell for reaction/put an end to either affair or with your marriage? Just wondering why you told. OK, end of question period. How do you feel right now? (Okay I lied, I squeaked in one more..) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scrivdog Posted March 10, 2008 Author Share Posted March 10, 2008 So, what happens next? Are you relieved that you told her? Did you tell for reaction/put an end to either affair or with your marriage? Just wondering why you told. OK, end of question period. How do you feel right now? (Okay I lied, I squeaked in one more..) 1) Yeah. I'm relieved. It's a weight off my shoulders - no doubt about it. 2) Neither. I'm just tired of lying. It's a drag. 3) I feel ok. I sipping a little red wine and getting ready for bed. She's still awake though - and fit to be tied. Go figure. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 What do you want to happen? For her to divorce you? To force a choice here? Either her or the OW? You don't sound like you care much what her reaction is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scrivdog Posted March 10, 2008 Author Share Posted March 10, 2008 What do you want to happen? For her to divorce you? To force a choice here? Either her or the OW? You don't sound like you care much what her reaction is. It's not that I don't care what her reaction is - I'm no monster. But she's a little hysterical right now and so I reckon I'm going to have to wait a little before we can actually have a reasonable discussion about this. I don't know that I want a divorce - but then again, it may not be the worst thing in the world either. In any case, once she calms down and thinks about things - I don't think she's going to want a divorce. That's just from the practical perspective of things. And I'll watch out for her. But I also have no intention right now of dropping the OW. But then again - if that goes South, which it was probably inevitably destined to do anyway - then I'll accept that too. Link to post Share on other sites
SoHotZanzibar Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 But why would she want to touch you? She always going to be thinking what diseases you might bring home. And now she is always going to be second guessing income. How much are you spending on her when it should be spent on your family? And who else have you been with? There might only be one, but why should she believe that when you have been lying the whole time? Im sure you have heard this 1000 times on here, but I wouldn't expect her to be reasonable. I woudnt expect any sleep tonight from either of you two. Now you have to think about what its like to face her parents, friends..ugh Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scrivdog Posted March 10, 2008 Author Share Posted March 10, 2008 .. Now you have to think about what its like to face her parents, friends..ugh Oddly enough - I'm looking forward to that part. I'm sure they never suspected a thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scrivdog Posted March 10, 2008 Author Share Posted March 10, 2008 But why would she want to touch you? She always going to be thinking what diseases you might bring home. She wasn't too keen on touching me before. Hey - at least now she has a real reason. (I need to put down the booze) Link to post Share on other sites
SoHotZanzibar Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 Oddly enough - I'm looking forward to that part. I'm sure they never suspected a thing. So why exactly looking forward to it? What do you expect to happen or be accomplished? Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 Do you love your GF? Or is it just a sex thing? You seem pretty calm about it as your life as you knew it is ready to blow up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scrivdog Posted March 10, 2008 Author Share Posted March 10, 2008 So why exactly looking forward to it? What do you expect to happen or be accomplished? Nothing will be accomplished. But at least the veil will have been lifted. They can shake their heads and wonder how I could be such a scoundrel. Especially to such a lovely and devopted wife. Ah who cares? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scrivdog Posted March 10, 2008 Author Share Posted March 10, 2008 Do you love your GF? Or is it just a sex thing? You seem pretty calm about it as your life as you knew it is ready to blow up. My life was a mess. I needed it to blow up. I can't say that I love my gf, but I sure do like her. I feel incredibly passionate towards her. But I know that we'd never make it as a real couple. Sex is definitely the big player here. Link to post Share on other sites
SoHotZanzibar Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 Nothing will be accomplished. But at least the veil will have been lifted. They can shake their heads and wonder how I could be such a scoundrel. Especially to such a lovely and devopted wife. Ah who cares? Well, you do. Otherwise you wouldnt be posting about it. So you are looking forward to appear to a scoundrel in front of your inlaws? How does that make sense? Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 My life was a mess. I needed it to blow up. I can't say that I love my gf, but I sure do like her. I feel incredibly passionate towards her. But I know that we'd never make it as a real couple. Sex is definitely the big player here. Then it sounds like you're in a good place actually. But you should have taken the high road and divorced your wife first. How long have you been married and how many kids? I think you should go talk to your wife instead of us. She's probably hurting really badly right now. Is she a mean woman, your wife? Link to post Share on other sites
SoHotZanzibar Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 What about your finances? Did you get those in order in case she wants a divorce? If she is vengeful, you might be in a world of hurt, financially wise. And then you have worry about a second mortgage or rent. And then what if she dates and makes the kids call her new BF 'dad'!? Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 Being in a sexless marriage really brought out the sexual prowess in me after the divorce. Maybe your wife will get like that too. Maybe this is the wake-up call she needs. This and seeing that woman pinching the guy's behind in the mall. Link to post Share on other sites
SoHotZanzibar Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 Being in a sexless marriage really brought out the sexual prowess in me after the divorce. Maybe your wife will get like that too. Maybe this is the wake-up call she needs. This and seeing that woman pinching the guy's behind in the mall. Well, she does deserve a real man that can treat her like she should be treated and be fully satisfied. She's probably been begging for that for years Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 Well, she does deserve a real man that can treat her like she should be treated and be fully satisfied. She's probably been begging for that for years I think these all are good points Scriv should tell his wife to make her not feel so bad. Scriv you should go talk to your wife. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 1) Yeah. I'm relieved. It's a weight off my shoulders - no doubt about it. 2) Neither. I'm just tired of lying. It's a drag. 3) I feel ok. I sipping a little red wine and getting ready for bed. She's still awake though - and fit to be tied. Go figure. Scriv - does your OW know you told your W? Is she prepared for whatever happens next? Are you? I hope your relief lasts long enough to get you through the next phase. It's pretty rough! Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 (edited) You realize, don't you Scriv, that no matter how tired you were of the lying, or how angry, frustrated, abandoned and betrayed you might feel underneath it all... there's only ONE REASON for telling on yourself. You're hoping your wife can somehow step up to the plate and fix this thing. Now, you've said you won't dump the OW... my suggestion to you is that you do so with abundant haste. Fact is, if things don't work out at home, you can certainly do better, and you've already seen that "half the package" doesn't make you happy. Meantime, you know as well as I do that there's NO CHANCE to repair the marriage and family dynamic as things stand today with a third person on the scene. Edited March 10, 2008 by Ladyjane14 ... typo Link to post Share on other sites
Kasan Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 I'm just flabbergasted that you would share this with us Scrivdog. You have been so steadfast in your beliefs that what you were doing was okay, a way to co-exist in a sexless marriage, as you didn't want your children to grow up with divorced parents. So how does your wife finding out about the other woman change the status quo for you? Good luck Scrivdog. Link to post Share on other sites
Jess-Belle Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 I'm not familiar with your story Scrivdog but it's gotta be rough to be with someone who has these issues with being affectionate. Has your W been to therapy for that? Had either of you tried couples counseling before things got to this point? *sigh* Best of luck to you in this painful situation. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 I'm sure this is a strange sort of relief to have this out in the open. Sort of like lancing an particularly painful and hard to reach boil. I'm curious to see where this goes. You say that you and OW are not relationship material and that it is primarily sex. Are you and OW in agreement over this? It could get very confusing for all involved. OW might think this is her chance, W might think this is a chance to fix things - what do you think? Is this your chance to leave, or to stay and try to repair the damage? If you are staying, you will have to let go of OW. Do you have a game plan? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scrivdog Posted March 10, 2008 Author Share Posted March 10, 2008 LadyJane!? .. <sitting up, straightening up tie> I .. I didn't hear you come in! Ok seriously. Yeah maybe you're on to something. Ideally - sure I'd like her to express some desire to keep this together now that her assumptions have been shattered. Sure I'd like to see her making this clear with some good ole red-blooded female passion rather than with a calculator and a spreadsheet. I don't have that expectation in any way shape or form. Shortly I'll know what she's really worried about. If she's all worried about the finances, I'll put those worries to rest. If we get lawyers, they'll both be bored. No matter what any attorney thinks they'll get out of me - I'll be giving her more. She won't have to worry about her finances ever. So with that out of the way - she can make a purely (almost) emotional decision without regards to her lifestyle. I like the OW. She's awfully nice to me. She makes me happy when I see her and talk to her. But if my wife actually thinks she wants to keep it together with the both of us, I'll drop the OW - but I'm not going to do this on a whim. Do I have a game plan? No. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 Do I have a game plan? No. Seppuku? Just kidding, but your posting about giving away the store just brought that image to mind. Without seeing history, my take is you're somewhat wealthy, ambivalent, and emotionally disconnected. From the responses by people who know your backstory, it appears this (telling W) has been a process reached over a long period of time. Right now, this minute, regarding your relationship with your W, what do you want? Link to post Share on other sites
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