Lefwynius Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 A little over a year ago, I became affliated with an alternative christian group through the death of a friend. This group regularly holds youth weekends around the country, one of which I was invited to by his family. Cutting a long story short, I became very close to them and six months later decided/was prompted to get baptised. Still in mourning and feeling the responsibility of filling his shoes (which with hindsight was foolish of me) I went through with it. I've now come to realise that the only reason I went to the meeting/church is because of my mourning (and reminder of an early fear of death), but still feel obligated to go so as not to worry/disappoint/hurt his immediate family. They constantly remind me of my helped in getting them through the last couple of years and many think of my entering the meeting as being, well a sort of silver lining to the accident. Which poses a dilema, I now desperately want to claim the life I had before I entered back again. I'm tired of the sunday meetings, they don't mean anything to me anymore and the frequent social events and bible classes that you're almost expected to attend are near pointless for me. At the moment I'm also living in an all christian household at uni, but I can always move, my primary goal is to try to make a quiet sidestep out of the meeting without hurting his family, or annoying the many many people I've met since I came into the group. I know technically they shouldn't be annoyed with me, being christians, but I've got an awful feeling that won't be the case for everyone. Can anyone offer me advice? I'd really appreciate it, I'm tired of losing sleep over this. Link to post Share on other sites
Obama08 Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 (edited) No one needs organized religion. My advice: Do what makes you happy. If they can't appreciate that it's their problem, not yours. You don't owe them anything, but you do owe it to yourself to find a new path, and you should be proud to have come to that conclusion on your own. Many people can't, and are very unhappy for a very long time. All you need to do now is act, which is easier than you might think. Just be as honest with them as you have been with us. Once you've said the words, it's out there, and you can start moving on. Odds are they'll understand. Good luck! [edit] One last bit of advice: Don't let fear rule your actions. Optimism is your best guide. Keep this in mind when talking about this with your Christian friends. Edited March 10, 2008 by Obama08 Link to post Share on other sites
KidEternity Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 You know being Christians they should be the most understanding of people, right? So do what makes you happy amigo and don't let what anyone else thinks of you! If it isn't making you happy you need to get out of there! Plus maybe if you talked to those people and let them know how you're feeling they could help you out? Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 (edited) It is stressful - you don't want to disappoint his family but you know that they'll likely feel that, regardless. Here are a few ideas that came to mind. How you communicate your plans and desires may go a long way in helping them be supportive of you. Let them know that being with them and within the community has also been of great comfort and strength to you. You are grateful and happy for your experiences with them BUT you realize that it is time for you to travel a different path. You are not "forsaking" anything or abandoning them, but rather seeking to expand your faith/spirituality in your own way. Say upfront that it's been a very difficult decision for you. That you appreciate how much they care about you, and you're so lucky and happy that you won't also have to cope with any of the un-Christianlike judgments that people of lesser faith and compassion would have. If they do start laying guilt-trips, be firm but polite -- I do not wish to be the living object of your loss and needs. My purpose is not to fulfill the dreams and visions you had for him. My mission is not to take on the responsibility of living up to his potential. Basically, be understanding of their feelings and supportive of their continued involvement in that community...AND follow your own mind and heart. (I wouldn't go into how it was misguided to get involved in the first place and how it has become meaningless -- that likely will do more damage than good.) Best of luck. You have given it due consideration so it is the right decision for you, for the next phase of your life...even if you're not really sure right now how that may look. Be good with you, and chances are you'll start enjoying some better sleep . Edited March 11, 2008 by Ronni_W confusing sentence Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 this probably wouldn't be lying, but you can let them know that because you need to focus on schooling, you won't be going to meetings as often, but you'll be thinking of them with love. Because I imagine that for someone as young as you to be seeking advice on how to deal with the situation, you care about them to a strong degree. And I imagine they reciprocate the feelings for their child's friend. I think someone who is strong in their faith – regardless of what that faith is – will and can respect the spiritual journey of another, and will show support of you even if they question your behavior. Because they probably understand that this is all new to you and you're feeling your way, that you're going to be questioning or seeking … hopefully, they'll allow you to this on terms you're comfortable with and won't make a huge scene about it. whatever you end up doing, make it clear that you care about them. I think that kind of knowledge tempers the decisions people make, and keeps them from being as painful as we fear. Link to post Share on other sites
disgracian Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 There is no easy way to go through with something that will most likely upset people that you care about. Ultimately you have to be yourself and be comfortable with where you are, and you already recognise that and the need to do something about the situation you've found yourself in. I think by describing the situation here to a bunch of strangers on the internet, you're well on your way to a working draft of what you need to tell them. Still in mourning and feeling the responsibility of filling his shoes (which with hindsight was foolish of me) I went through with it. I've now come to realise that the only reason I went to the meeting/church is because of my mourning (and reminder of an early fear of death), but still feel obligated to go so as not to worry/disappoint/hurt his immediate family. That's the meat and potatoes of it right there. Were I you, I would explain that through one thing leading to another, I got myself into a situation that I'm not comfortable with and now need to continue with my life as I left it. They can either accept this or not. If they do that's fine, but if they don't then you just have to keep reminding yourself that you are entitled to live your own life according to who you are. Cheers, D. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lefwynius Posted March 12, 2008 Author Share Posted March 12, 2008 (edited) Thanks everyone for posting your advice, you've all been very helpful. I've decided to confide in a friend when I return home in a couple of weeks, before approaching the family. Both of which will probably happen over my birthday - now that's something to look forward to. Thank you again Edited March 12, 2008 by Lefwynius Link to post Share on other sites
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