Wasting my youth

[Jmina]

I don't know exactly how to put this other than in terms of friendships, friendship groups i don't know where i belong or who to turn to.

 

Growing up i had my school friends (who i am still friends with and will explain about that later) and my ballet friends. (who are almost all younger)

 

Once i left school, i was still very much spending time with them all and also spending time with family friends.

 

Then i was in a relationship that ended 10 months ago.

 

So basically i havnt felt like this before until now.

 

The ex and i had mutual friends that we often hung out with, and of course we had each other, so friends never really was a problem.

 

After we broke up i had a hard time accepting that i had lost the friends i had made through her as i really felt happy around them and i felt very similar to them - much more than my school friends.

 

At this point i'll add that even though i love my school friends and really enjoy my time with them, i really don't fit with them. They are all married or engaged or have children, they are all buying houses (they are 22-24) and really settling down. I seem to be the only one who is anything but settled. Not now that i am single again.

To make it even more different i was in a same sex relationship and they are all straight. They don't have any problems with me and as far as i know enjoy my company. Who knows what they say behind my back?!

 

So i've lost my new friends that i adored through the breakup

 

The school friends -that i used to spend a lot of time with are becoming much more sparse inbetween visits and much more low key occasions (i actually feel that they are in a rush to settle and grow up instead of dedicating their early- mid (at least) 20's to themselves. At least that is how i feel about my life.

 

The ballet friends - i am starting to become less close with because as i feel i am getting older they are still under age. I am starting to push them away a bit in fear that i am living somewhere i shouldn't be. I mean ive been a teenager, ive been there and done that. i love them dearly and do enjoy spending time with them but it doesnt fulfill me.

 

My family friends - are also buying houses and have partners and i hardly see them anymore either and when i do its always in a couple setting. So it reminds me of how grown up and settled everyone is while i am totally different.

 

I like who i am, and i like being single. I like my friends and i don't mind seeing them occasionally.

 

What i really desire is a group of friends who i fit into. I would like some more single friends, more carefree, fun loving friends that dont worry so much about how much the cost of meat is, or how boring their jobs are or how early they go to bed. But i want them to be real, i want them to like me just as much as i like them. I feel stuck in a rut!

 

I feel that i dont have friends to turn to anymore, i am always alone after work when i would rather be out and about watching plays, theatre, going out to tea, a few drinks, festivals, just really enjoying being young and experiencing what my city has to offer. I have noone to do it with! i dont have a licence and wont catch public transport on my own at night as it would involved walking through dark creepy suburbs alone.

 

So i find myself at home, on the computer, reading, thinking, taking extra baths or showers, trying to find things to do so im not just sitting around! but i feel like i am wasting my life. I'm not happy.

 

I need a plan to improve my life and i think it starts with getting my licence.

 

I have always had so many dear friends, and have always been popular amongst them and dearly loved, i still have them but our paths are just so different now.

 

Where do i fit? how do i get the life that i want? i dream of it daily i dont know whats stopping me. My friends arent holding me back, im sure they would be happy for me to go out and get what im looking for.

 

I guess in a way this is a good thing because its the next level of moving on from my break up. Im not longing for the ex im longing for my own life and i want to make it.

 

please help

[Pyro]

Thats quite a story.

 

You should join a club or some kind of group thing. Thats always a for sure way to meet new people with similar interests.

 

Remember too that the older we get, the more that individuals are ready to settle down, get married, buy a house, have children, etc. It is still possible to find single friends with similar interests as you, but it may take some time.

 

If you want more single friends, then the bar may be the place to start looking.

 

No license? How old are you if you don't mind me asking?

Edited March 10, 2008 by Pyro

[Jmina]

I am already in a club and a company for dance. I dont know what else i would join. I guess i could look to see what there is on offer?

 

I am 24 and i have got my Learners! lol Before you ask i havnt needed my licence till now really. because before ive always caught public transport car pooled or goteen lifts, and well i never felt like i needed to just get out and drive somewhere before till now.

 

i want it and im ready for it now.

 

i dont know why it took so long but i wasnt ready to drive for along time even though i was old enough and actually quite a good driver.

[Gold Pile]

Get the license, it opens your world up.

 

Mid 20's is a natural time to start shedding the ways of childhood.

 

Having loads of friends, even a few "friends" that you'd be better off without.... this is the way of teenagers.

 

By all means have a few good friends and more "ok" friends too. But as a functioning adult you don't need them the way you used to. (emotional support for the smallest of issues) They don't need you as much either.

 

You're becoming more of an individual and less of a clone/drone/cog/.

 

What you're going through is natural. You'll live and live well. Billions have travelled this road B4 you....most of us make it.

[Jmina]

Thanks goldpile

 

I know i will make it, there is no doubt about that. I am just figuring out the best option to take now, as i feel we are where we are from our own choices.

 

I think this post will really help in terms of direction for me.