elij Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 (edited) hey, i suspect strongly my girlfriend has cheated on me -- but she denies it up and down despite so much evidence i have pointing to the contrary. i believe she will never admit it as long as she wants to be with me -- i no longer can confront her on it because if i do it will turn into a bitter, ugly fight. do i stay with a woman who i am quite, quite sure cheated on me under such circumstances, or let it go and try to overlook it? Edited March 10, 2008 by elij Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 What do you think will benefit you most in the long run? Staying with a woman who cheats on you, who will continue to cheat on you, continue to lie to you, probably bring you home an STD or two or three, will never be trustworthy, etc - (because once she knows she gets away with it, there will be no reason to stop). Or... Tear off the bandaid really quick, and dump her - suffer briefly and then find a woman with whom you can build a loving, trusting relationship? You do have the option of quality, but it would mean dumping your girlfriend since she hardly qualifies. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 OP, your "either or" alternatives don't indicate a tone of anything but remaining in the relationship. Perhaps it's just semantics. In any event, what would happen to you if you stopped dating her? Link to post Share on other sites
connerb Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 I went through the same thing w/ my SO. I knew something was up and grilled him for weeks and weeks. We fought, I got an STD (currable, thank God), and still, he refused to admit any wrong-doing. I talked with my best friends who hung out with him sometimes when I wasn't there and they told me some weird stuff was going on... like, they didn't trust him, he turned into a different person when I wasn't around, etc. etc. In truth, I was just blind. I wanted to believe that he was this perfect guy and we were in love, but it just wasn't the case. Eventually, the truth comes to light. With me, getting the STD just totally opened my eyes and that was it. If you love someone, you don't do that kind of **** to them. That is, unless that's the kind of relationship you're in or the kind of relationship you want. The biggest things for me in finding a worthy partner are someone who I can relate to on a personal level (this is obvious) and someone who I can trust and respect. If I can't trust someone, then I can't respect them. If I don't respect them then I can't relate to them. Relate = relationship. Plain and simple. Trust your gut. If you know it's happening, then it probably is. Just know that you're doing this for you and because you want to, and you'll be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 do i stay with a woman who i am quite, quite sure cheated on me under such circumstances, or let it go and try to overlook it? Neither. You break up with her and start fresh with someone who respects you. If you stay with her when you know she's cheated on you and continues to deny it despite the evidence, then you clearly have no respect for yourself. Or is your evidence not really evidence but suspicion, and she may not have really cheated? Link to post Share on other sites
MimiMe Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 Elij... What kind of answer do you want? Does it really take the answer of "keyboarders" to point out the obvious???? Your partner cheated POINT BLANK! Now it is up to you to be with that kind of person or not. No, if's, but's, etc... Link to post Share on other sites
twice_shy Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 hey, i suspect strongly my girlfriend has cheated on me -- but she denies it up and down despite so much evidence i have pointing to the contrary. i believe she will never admit it as long as she wants to be with me -- i no longer can confront her on it because if i do it will turn into a bitter, ugly fight. do i stay with a woman who i am quite, quite sure cheated on me under such circumstances, or let it go and try to overlook it? No, you don't let it go and overlook it. You dump her. If you have evidence and it is indisputable, then just kick her to the curb. Why in the hell would you overlook a cheating girlfriend? dump her and find a good woman. You don't need to look at the face of a cheater on a daily basis. Link to post Share on other sites
Author elij Posted March 11, 2008 Author Share Posted March 11, 2008 hey hurt, et. al. all signs point to a likely cheating offense, not answering cell phone, not sleeping in her bed on the nights in question (this she admits), and the fact that she went from her work at 2am "to her cousins house" and the fact is she has lied to me constantly about her past relation during our breakup. these nights in question occurred in the first 2-3 weeks after we got back together which leads me to believe that it could have been the last gasp of that relation, which she ended. the guy she was with when we brokeup called me and told me about their relation, suspecting that i was not informed of the relation, which i was not. he did tell me he saw her during the general time period in question but i did not ask him specfically about these specific dates. all that said, there is still a possibility i am wrong so i am assuming she is telling the truth. the acid test will be when we meet up with her cousin soon, at which time he will confirm she was at his house, she says. Link to post Share on other sites
NuTuDating Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 1) Make sure she cheated. 2) You will get over it. The healing will start the minute you dump her. Link to post Share on other sites
twice_shy Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 1) Make sure she cheated. 2) You will get over it. The healing will start the minute you dump her. EXACTLY!!! Best said in that nutshell. Link to post Share on other sites
DanielMadr Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Why would you stay with someone who doesnt love you? Im sure if you were wrong about her, she would be able to correct you and leave no doubt. Even if she hasnt cheated, which I doubt, you have some trust/insecurity issues there and you will not create a happy place to live in. If she cheated on you, she did it because she doesnt love you anymore and it wont get better when you "forgive" her. Say her good bye, no debates. It doesnt work between you two (it is all you need to say). Dont be a wussy and end it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author elij Posted March 12, 2008 Author Share Posted March 12, 2008 hey all, i appreciate all the comments. my problem is a complicated but increasingly clear one. for more background see: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t146175/ as you can see there, like any relationship, there are a range of circumstances around this. i guess one thing is, to be frank, i cheated on my former girlfriend. perhaps thats why i am not freaking out as much as others would in this instance. i know that, after i cheated on her, i still had the same feelings for her. so, i don't think her feelings for me are the issue in this, but rather the lack of respect she has displayed for me and this relationship by doing what she did. and i now have serious trust issues the more the lies pile up. but, on the other hand, she appears to have turned over a new leaf with me. Link to post Share on other sites
NuTuDating Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 If you're both cheating, then you both need to dump each other. Don't ask me how that works. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Be careful with the word "evidence." What "evidence" do you have that she's cheating? Link to post Share on other sites
Author elij Posted March 12, 2008 Author Share Posted March 12, 2008 No, I said my former girlfriend, not my current girlfriend. I have never cheated on my present girlfriend. But my former girlfriend, yes, because she had cheated on me once and because we lived far from each other and the relationship was not working the way it should. Link to post Share on other sites
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