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My girlfriend cheats, does not admit it to keep relation alive

elij

By elij,
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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elij

elij

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hey, i suspect strongly my girlfriend has cheated on me -- but she denies it up and down despite so much evidence i have pointing to the contrary. i believe she will never admit it as long as she wants to be with me -- i no longer can confront her on it because if i do it will turn into a bitter, ugly fight. do i stay with a woman who i am quite, quite sure cheated on me under such circumstances, or let it go and try to overlook it?

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LucreziaBorgia

LucreziaBorgia

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What do you think will benefit you most in the long run?

 

Staying with a woman who cheats on you, who will continue to cheat on you, continue to lie to you, probably bring you home an STD or two or three, will never be trustworthy, etc - (because once she knows she gets away with it, there will be no reason to stop).

 

Or...

 

Tear off the bandaid really quick, and dump her - suffer briefly and then find a woman with whom you can build a loving, trusting relationship?

 

You do have the option of quality, but it would mean dumping your girlfriend since she hardly qualifies.

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carhill

carhill

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OP, your "either or" alternatives don't indicate a tone of anything but remaining in the relationship. Perhaps it's just semantics. In any event, what would happen to you if you stopped dating her?

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connerb

connerb

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I went through the same thing w/ my SO. I knew something was up and grilled him for weeks and weeks. We fought, I got an STD (currable, thank God), and still, he refused to admit any wrong-doing. I talked with my best friends who hung out with him sometimes when I wasn't there and they told me some weird stuff was going on... like, they didn't trust him, he turned into a different person when I wasn't around, etc. etc. In truth, I was just blind. I wanted to believe that he was this perfect guy and we were in love, but it just wasn't the case. Eventually, the truth comes to light. With me, getting the STD just totally opened my eyes and that was it. If you love someone, you don't do that kind of **** to them. That is, unless that's the kind of relationship you're in or the kind of relationship you want.

 

The biggest things for me in finding a worthy partner are someone who I can relate to on a personal level (this is obvious) and someone who I can trust and respect. If I can't trust someone, then I can't respect them. If I don't respect them then I can't relate to them. Relate = relationship. Plain and simple.

 

Trust your gut. If you know it's happening, then it probably is. Just know that you're doing this for you and because you want to, and you'll be fine.

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norajane

norajane

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do i stay with a woman who i am quite, quite sure cheated on me under such circumstances, or let it go and try to overlook it?

 

Neither. You break up with her and start fresh with someone who respects you. If you stay with her when you know she's cheated on you and continues to deny it despite the evidence, then you clearly have no respect for yourself.

 

Or is your evidence not really evidence but suspicion, and she may not have really cheated?

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MimiMe

MimiMe

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Elij...

 

What kind of answer do you want? Does it really take the answer of "keyboarders" to point out the obvious????

 

Your partner cheated POINT BLANK!

Now it is up to you to be with that kind of person or not. No, if's, but's, etc...

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twice_shy

twice_shy

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hey, i suspect strongly my girlfriend has cheated on me -- but she denies it up and down despite so much evidence i have pointing to the contrary. i believe she will never admit it as long as she wants to be with me -- i no longer can confront her on it because if i do it will turn into a bitter, ugly fight. do i stay with a woman who i am quite, quite sure cheated on me under such circumstances, or let it go and try to overlook it?

 

No, you don't let it go and overlook it.

 

You dump her. If you have evidence and it is indisputable, then just kick her to the curb. Why in the hell would you overlook a cheating girlfriend?

 

dump her and find a good woman. You don't need to look at the face of a cheater on a daily basis.

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elij

elij

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hey hurt, et. al.

all signs point to a likely cheating offense, not answering cell phone, not sleeping in her bed on the nights in question (this she admits), and the fact that she went from her work at 2am "to her cousins house" and the fact is she has lied to me constantly about her past relation during our breakup. these nights in question occurred in the first 2-3 weeks after we got back together which leads me to believe that it could have been the last gasp of that relation, which she ended. the guy she was with when we brokeup called me and told me about their relation, suspecting that i was not informed of the relation, which i was not. he did tell me he saw her during the general time period in question but i did not ask him specfically about these specific dates.

all that said, there is still a possibility i am wrong so i am assuming she is telling the truth. the acid test will be when we meet up with her cousin soon, at which time he will confirm she was at his house, she says.

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NuTuDating

NuTuDating

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1) Make sure she cheated.

2) You will get over it. The healing will start the minute you dump her.

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twice_shy

twice_shy

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1) Make sure she cheated.

2) You will get over it. The healing will start the minute you dump her.

 

EXACTLY!!! Best said in that nutshell.

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DanielMadr

DanielMadr

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Why would you stay with someone who doesnt love you?

 

Im sure if you were wrong about her, she would be able to correct you and leave no doubt.

 

Even if she hasnt cheated, which I doubt, you have some trust/insecurity issues there and you will not create a happy place to live in.

 

If she cheated on you, she did it because she doesnt love you anymore and it wont get better when you "forgive" her.

 

Say her good bye, no debates. It doesnt work between you two (it is all you need to say).

 

Dont be a wussy and end it.

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elij

elij

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hey all, i appreciate all the comments. my problem is a complicated but increasingly clear one. for more background see: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t146175/

 

as you can see there, like any relationship, there are a range of circumstances around this.

 

i guess one thing is, to be frank, i cheated on my former girlfriend. perhaps thats why i am not freaking out as much as others would in this instance. i know that, after i cheated on her, i still had the same feelings for her. so, i don't think her feelings for me are the issue in this, but rather the lack of respect she has displayed for me and this relationship by doing what she did. and i now have serious trust issues the more the lies pile up. but, on the other hand, she appears to have turned over a new leaf with me.

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NuTuDating

NuTuDating

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If you're both cheating, then you both need to dump each other. Don't ask me how that works.

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elij

elij

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No, I said my former girlfriend, not my current girlfriend. I have never cheated on my present girlfriend. But my former girlfriend, yes, because she had cheated on me once and because we lived far from each other and the relationship was not working the way it should.

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