Past sucks Posted July 7, 2003 Share Posted July 7, 2003 I cheated many years ago and it has just resurfaced. I am married for 4 years now and cheated almost 8 years ago. My wife knows I was unfaithful but doesn't know it had happened more than once. I cheated with 2 different women, nothing came from it and I had no feeling for those women (one night stands)but I feel as though I am cheating my wife. She is a fantastic women that loves me and I do love her back. I screwed up back in college and can't stop thinking about the huge mistake I made and feel sick about it. I will probably never see those women again but all the boys were sitting around one night having a few drinks and one mentioned the past and it started bringing back all these thoughts. I married my wife because I love her, and because I want to spend my life with her. People always say cheaters will be cheaters but I don't believe that. it's been 8 years. I just had to grow up and start thinking of more than myself. My wife already knows I was unfaithful and we have dealt with it. I told her she was very upset and did eventually forgive me. Our love is very strong and we were high school sweethearts. She said maybe we shouldn't have been together all through high school and university and maybe played the field a bit and maybe none of this would have happened, but she also mentioned there would have been a chance we wouldn't be together and she would never want that. She tells me to forget about the past and just start living in the present. I love her and I hope I can become more like her someday. She is very positive and always looks for the good in people. I am very lucky to have her but am a little confused right now. Should I ever bring up the past again. I really think I am the only one thinking about this and should just probably let it go. Just had to vent. Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted July 7, 2003 Share Posted July 7, 2003 Originally posted by Past sucks I just had to grow up and start thinking of more than myself. Exactly. If you realized this and bear it in mind now, you've moved beyond the person who cheated on his girlfriend. So why are you thinking about this? She tells me to forget about the past and just start living in the present. I love her and I hope I can become more like her someday. She is very positive and always looks for the good in people. I am very lucky to have her but am a little confused right now. Should I ever bring up the past again. I really think I am the only one thinking about this and should just probably let it go. Just had to vent. If your wife has forgotten about it (and it sounds like she has) then there's no reason for you to be dwelling on it ... unless you're looking to re-open old wounds. Now, why would you want to do that? Is there something else that's bothering you in the relationship? Maybe something you aren't even aware of yet? If there's something you're uneasy about but unable to articulate even to yourself, you might search out other "reasons" for your unease. Can't think of anything in the present, so you start digging around in the past. What you might want to do is sit with your anxiety for a little while, maybe a few days or even a week, without trying to attach it to a particular cause -- and see what emerges. Maybe you're anxious about something that has little to do with your relationship with your wife, or maybe it has something to do with a part of your relationship that you've never before examined. Maybe it's something that you're not just unable to see right away, maybe it's something you're unwilling to see, for whatever reason. It just doesn't seem like this old wrong, long-ago confessed and forgiven, should be worrying you now. That's why I wonder if it's just a red herring .... Link to post Share on other sites
Past Sucks Posted July 7, 2003 Share Posted July 7, 2003 I don't have any idea want it could be. I just thought I was thinking that if my wife didn't know about it it felt like I was lying to her. I love her and I thought that she should know everything. Everything else is going very well right now, we both have good jobs, getting ready to buy a house, very affectionate to each other, so I think the future looks good. I guess it might be something i'm not seeing but any ideas of what it might be. Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
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