Just random questions for the guys!

[Sakura Blossom]

1. If you really really like a girl, will you continue pursuing her even though she keeps telling you to get lost in the hope that you may finally win her heart by trying? Or do you just let it go and then try again later? Or just let it go period?

 

2. If a girl talks about marriage and her parents setting her up with marriageable suitors and stuff, does that really set you guys running for the hills? Or if not running, does it prevent you from actively pursuing her even though you are interested?

 

3. Do you go for a relationship just because you know the girl is really interested in you, though you may not have the same amount of feeling back? Or do you have to really want to be with her as well in order to commit to her?

 

4. Are ultimatums a bad thing to a relationship? Or a good wake up call?

 

thanks for reading!

[beaker]

My answers:

 

1. No, if she told me to get lost I would look elsewhere. If instead she gave a complicated speech with all sorts of "I really really like you, but now is a bad time because of such-and-such" reasoning thrown in to "spare my feelings", then I might be an idiot and take it literally, leading me to hang around. Clarity is good, especially with knuckleheads like me.

 

2. If a woman is ready for marriage if and when she finds the perfect partner, then that doesn't turn me off. By that definition almost everyone is ready for marriage, so there's no particular pressure beyond exploring if we're truly compatible. If a woman is looking to get married yesterday because she feels some sort of intense pressure to do so, from her family or elsewhere, then yes that's a bit of a turn off! One never knows if that woman is behaving rationally and looking for an appropriate partner, or merely trying to get married because she's terrified of the alternative. Run away!

 

3. No... if I'm not interested I won't pursue anything.

 

4. Depends what the ultimatum is about... in general one would think ultimatums would be unnecessary in most circumstances (I can't remember ever receiving one, and suspect I would have been irritated if I had). I suppose an ultimatum that came after warnings and discussion about how serious the infraction was could easily be justified... though perhaps in a more mature relationship the discussion is enough to bring about a solution and threats are not required. Certainly resorting to an ultimatum as the first resort sounds suspiciously like emotional blackmail...

[zman]

1. Agree with Beaker. Often it is hard to tell if a woman is really not interested at all or is just saying, "not now, but maybe later." Personally, if I really like a girl, I have a hard time believing she's not interested in me at all, unless she states so in no uncertain terms. Don't tell me you want to be friends, or that I'm a nice guy, or that you don't want to date right now (and then go out with my friend a week later), just say you're not interested in me in that way!

 

2. Agree with Beaker. Talking about it doesn't turn me off, especially if the woman is complaining about her parents putting pressure on her. If I've only known a woman for a few dates, it's way too early to start talking about marriage seriously. So a woman who seems desperate to get married very early on in the relationship would probably send me running.

 

3. If a girl is really interested in me, and I find out about it one way or the other, it ususally increases my interest in her or at least makes me take a second look at her, if I wasn't already interested. But if I'm definately not interested I won't go out with her just to try to get her in the sack once. If I go out with her it's because I think maybe I was being too picky and I should give her a chance. But you can't tell if you want to "commit" to a woman before you've gone out on at least 5-10 dates or so. Why is it that some women want a "commitment" out of a guy before they even know each other or have gone out on more than a few dates???

 

4. It depends, but usually it's a bad thing. If you're in a relationship that is so bad that you have to resort to throwing "old tomatoes" (ultimatums - hear the similarity?) at each other, then it's probably time to break up. I think ultimatums are basically an immature way of communicating in an overly emotional way.