berkgrl23 Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 I have known this man since high school, I've known him for 8 years. He is my best friend, he's in the navy and is just amazing. He is currently overseas and only comes home during christmas, but I plan on visiting him this summer. So, this past x-mas when he was home, we spent some quality time together, which I cherish all the time when he does come visit me, because I really like him, and he knows that I have very intense feelings for him. He means everything to me. Anyways, when he came home last, we went back to his parents' place and watched part of a movie, and we each had a glass of wine, and talked about things that we normally do. The setting was great, the fire was set and the lights were off, and it was just him, me and the movie. It was very romantic, so after we were on the couch for a while, he did have the body language with his knee pointing towards me saying that he was interested, but I'm bad at body language, and I could have been interpreting it wrong... so anyways, I was trying to get comfortable and he suggested that I lean against his chest, and I did. He had his arm around me and his thumb was rubbing my shoulder, so I was starting to get butterflies in my stomach. After a few minutes we were still talking and I looked up at him occasionally as he talked, it was really nice. So I began to rub the back of his hand and my ear was pressed against his heart so I could feel his heart beat, and as I kept rubbing the back of his hand his heart beat was getting quicker each second. We then held hands for the first time and he noticed that I have short fingers, but they're normal. Anyways when I looked up at him, we frenched and oh my god, the butterflies in my stomach were so intense. We then proceeded to do the whole teenager on the couch type of thing. Anyways, after a few minutes on the couch, which seemed like forever, he asked if I wanted to go up to his room. I said yes. When we got up to the room he showed me photos of when he was a little boy that I never saw before, and pics of his family, and some photos of where he went while overseas. Then we began to kiss and we went to the bed. we kissed for while and then we undressed eachother. He went down on me, and he's the first man I've ever been with so I didnt really know what to do to him, but he was ok with it, because he knew that I never.. So..a few weeks passed and we emailed each other and he asked me that if his apearance changed would I still like him/care for him the way that I do? I told him yes, he's still the same person to me. then I asked him what attracted him to me. He wrote that he wasnt attracted to me because I wasnt the same size as him, and he didnt know how healthy I was with being the size that I am (I was at the time a 14, but now a 12 and getting smaller). So I was really hurt, cause he knows that I really care for him. but in emails he's very suggestive, and I am too so it evens out a little, but when we're on the phone we have normal conversations, and we talk about everything. He actually just about a week ago or so got out of a relationship where the woman actually broke his heart. he didnt want to talk to me about it, so I'm not pushing it, he'll tell me when its time, but then he wrote in the latest email that he really cares for his ex- but not the same way that he cares for me. so I guess I just want to know what he really wants from me, I mean does he want something more and he's not telling me, but showing it to me in this way? Or, am I over thinking about this whole ordeal? And when I go visit him this summer, should I expect that he may want to sleep with me? or should I just let things happen if they do? plz-will someone give me some advice? Link to post Share on other sites
roundglass Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 A bit of an unusual situation I think. You might want to ask yourself if you are attracted more so physically or to who he is? What about him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author berkgrl23 Posted March 15, 2008 Author Share Posted March 15, 2008 he's my day and night. I love everything about him. He's very outgoing, likes to be doing something constantly, likes to travel, he's just so perfect for me. He's a taurus (sp?), he has a great laugh that just gets me everytime. His favorite holiday is x-mas because he knows that its the only time he has off to spend time with the people who are most important to him. he's a little wild..but not that wild. he likes all types of food, except pork..he's strong, we talk about anything..has a ton of friends, likes to party, he knows how I feel most times, and he's in the navy.. he's been to just about every amazing place you can think of, he's alergic to cats, doesnt eat sweets, likes to stay healthy (which is good), is very neat; either in clothes or his house..he likes to present himself in a manner that shows that he's very well put together..he only wears gold, he has a gold chain with three charms on it..he's just perfect.. I am attracted to who he is, not just his looks. He's so smart, he was an honor student in high school, he plays volleyball, I dont know, its hard to pick things about him to write down because he has a tremendous amount of great qualities. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 Having been on the other side of this coin (as a guy getting this speech from a woman), I will opine he's looking for the perfect woman and unfortunately you aren't it. My wife is 5'1", your size and she just turned 49 and is as attractive and healthy as when I met her. Weight/size has nothing do with attraction. It's the person. He's just not into you. I might be wrong and I know it's hard to hear (boy was it for me, many times), but I'd look elsewhere for romance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author berkgrl23 Posted March 16, 2008 Author Share Posted March 16, 2008 yeah I know that I may not be the perfect person for him, but we have even talked about it and he said that there was no telling if he ever would, because you cant forsee the future, and he's right, but cant I still hope that I could be the perfect person for him, maybe? at least someday? he knows that I really have these amazing feelings for him, and he said that I cant be sure if he'll ever fall in love with me, but I wish I was. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 I can honestly say, in nearly 50 years on the planet, that I've never developed a physical attraction/chemistry with someone which wasn't there in the beginning. The reason I say that is I was single for a couple decades and had many female friends, some of whom were yowza knockouts, and there just wasn't anything there and never was, on both sides. It's just nature. If a woman came up to me today and said what you're saying to this guy, I'd definitely explore the possibility by spending some time with her, but I would be honest with her if I didn't have that romantic chemistry with her. Maybe that's the difference between being nearly 50 and being in one's mid 20's Link to post Share on other sites
Author berkgrl23 Posted March 16, 2008 Author Share Posted March 16, 2008 yeah maybe it is more of an age perspective, but I dont know what it is, I mean he's tp;d me that I look pretty and lovely, so I dont know. I will admit that it is hard all around, but I dont know..he just is the perfect person for me, but I guess that if he doesnt see it, then he doesnt see it. Sometimes though I wish that he would just really tell me how I make him feel when we're together, or even do talk over the phone. He's said that I make him happy when we talk, my voice up lifts him, but sometimes he's so confusing..I guess I just have to muddle through it. I'll never give up hope, though, because there's always that possibility that he could feel something like I do, and he's nervous about telling me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author berkgrl23 Posted March 16, 2008 Author Share Posted March 16, 2008 I meant to say told Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 (edited) Hmmm... has he told you about any previous relationships? Women he's been intimate with in the past? A guy like that surely has had a few girlfriends. That information might be telling. Here's what I sense (assuming he's telling the truth about you)... The inner you is beautiful to him. It inspires him and he feels good whenever you are together. This is a big part of being in love with someone, IMO. The outer you he seems to have an issue with (from your story). He seems to have appearance criteria that you aren't meeting. IMO, this might be a function of his age, or it could be ego or vanity, I don't know. I'm sure opinion will vary but IMO when you're with someone who thinks both the inner and outer you are beautiful, and you feel similarly (and it sounds like you do with this guy), that's something which can, with effort, last a lifetime. The caveat is that you both have to be on the same page, which doesn't appear to be the case here. I say this because I've experienced it over many years and, with total love, time and age and physicality become irrelevant. It is truly IMO a completely different level of existence. I don't know if that gives you hope or despair, but I offer it up anyway Edited March 16, 2008 by carhill Link to post Share on other sites
Author berkgrl23 Posted March 17, 2008 Author Share Posted March 17, 2008 He hasnt gotten into detail about them, but he has told me that he's had girlfriends. I mean he's not the type of person to talk openly so much about his sex life. I dont blame him really cause its personal, but I mean yeah, he tells me when he has a girlfriend, or when he's seeing someone or when he's broke up with them... Yeah, he says that he likes the fact that I find the little things about him that I like, and that I pay-attention to detail, and yes he has said that I make him feel happy and good.. Well, we kind-of are on the same page, I mean we talk about our life dreams and what we want out of life, and what we want in our partners.. generally everything I tell him, I describe qualities that he has and he picks up on it sometimes, but yeah it is a different level of existence, and he knows where he falls with me, and I know where I fall with him, but at times it's so hard cause he totally knows how I feel about him, and at times when we talk he hints at things as if he wants more from our relationship but he doesnt know how to say it. I can only hope that he tells me sooner or later,I wish it was sooner, and even if we still are friends, it will be worth it cause he knows that I like him a whole lot, and our friendship means a lot to me just as much as it does to him. Link to post Share on other sites
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