JackhammerGemma Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 I'll try to make this short. My bf cheated on me with a married person from work. From finding things out and putting two and two together I figured out he's been seeing her to one extent or another since before I even met him. I don't think he sees her often because he's usually with me, it's more of a texting/phone thing. From looking at the texts you'd think *I* was the other woman instead of her. Though it still hurts, none of this shocks me anymore because he has already hurt me to the point where I'm not surprised at anything I find anymore. He has major issues, that's obvious. If you're wondering what I get out of staying with a guy like that, well...sex and companionship. I like his personality otherwise and we get along and laugh. I know he's not the only guy on earth but I'm just used to him and not terribly motivated to look elsewhere. I know that I'm worth more than that and I should dump him. I know, I know. My question is, is there a way to have a relationship that goes on like this as long as I don't have expectations that this is a monogamous relationship? Or are those kind of arrangements too hard to maintain. Since I'm having such a hard time letting go, I just wonder if there is some other way to deal with this without feeling sad all the time about the way things have ended up. Do parameters need to be set or do I just continue on with him as it is and pretend nothing is going on, to keep the status quo? Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 You have no self respect. You can't maintain a "monogamous" relationship with this guy because women in general are emotional beings, and in the end whether you want it or not, you're gonna get hurt. Keep telling yourself you can stay apathetic to the situation, but by writing on this site in the first place says that you're uncomfortable with the situation. How can you just let yourself settle into such a position as you are in now? Link to post Share on other sites
MimiMe Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 Unfortunetaly there is no way of ending a relationship without any sense of sadness or any sort of bad feelings, unless what you have flowing through your veins is motor-oil. AND if you happen to find a way to... Bottle it and I will finance the production, Warren Buffet will no longer be the riches man alive and we will be larger than God!! You need to get out of that cypher!!! To think that you're in a monogamous relationship if your bf is having an A with someone he has physical contact with its just plain naive and a sign of denial. You best believe they are hitting the sack! (sorry but it is what it is...) Now let me ask you... what are your plans with this douch bag? Are you planning on starting a family, having a future together? or this is just a "time killer" because you have something under your sleeve for your future? Is this the kind of man that you want to be the father of your kids?? You only get one single chance at LIFE and believe it or not, it is not that long to live... especially with someone that it is shortening her chances with and open door to STD's. Dont waste your time!!! Unless you guys just all join the clan and have a 4 some- full swap swingers relationship... (hey a lot of people do that ish nowadays) YOU need to bounce out of this relationship! Wish you luck and strenght because it sounds like you will be needing it. YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THAT!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author JackhammerGemma Posted March 12, 2008 Author Share Posted March 12, 2008 I used to think I could have a future with him but now all I'm doing is passing time. I won't use the excuse that l love him as the reason I'm still with him - for me it's my fear of being alone and not wanting to have sex with random guys just to satisfy that need. I no longer expect that this is a monogamous relationship, I was mainly wondering if arrangements like that ever work out where you are with someone and others too (i.e. open relationship) Link to post Share on other sites
blackbird Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Are you a masochist? You're already "sad all the time" and say you are "hurt to the point where I'm not surprised at anything I find anymore." The last thing you need is an open relationship. Sounds like the last thing you need right now is a relationship, period. Perhaps take some time off to not be so scared of being alone and work on yourself. From everything I've ever heard about open relationships, they rarely work, and when they DO, they work primarily due to a very high level or trust and communication. You don't have either of these things with your "boyfriend". Another kind of open relationship that "works" is the kind where you're just no-strings-attached friends with benefits with another person, and that almost sounds like what you're wanting from your bf now. But that's not a relationship, and it's certainly potentially riskier to your health (as the lower your communication, the less likely you're going to be open with each other about other sexual partners, and hence a higher risk of STDs). Link to post Share on other sites
NuTuDating Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Dump him now. You're too good for a cheater. And I don't believe in "no strings attached" relationships. Invariably one person develops strings. Link to post Share on other sites
MimiMe Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 I used to think I could have a future with him but now all I'm doing is passing time. I won't use the excuse that l love him as the reason I'm still with him - for me it's my fear of being alone and not wanting to have sex with random guys just to satisfy that need. I no longer expect that this is a monogamous relationship, I was mainly wondering if arrangements like that ever work out where you are with someone and others too (i.e. open relationship) You are not having sex with random guys... at this point you are having sex with a random chick. Babygirl... run while you can!! Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
shanny Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 You responded to one of my posts saying that you are having a similar situation... I just read your's and my God you are right! It's the same thing... I love the guy so damn much that I'm willing to take what I can get, and that's obviously not all he has to offer because he's sharing that with another woman. But in my mind, I weigh the options... do I want everything from someone who doesn't compare, or do I want to take what I can get from him? It's the same thing... I'm so attracted to him, more than I've ever been to anyone in my life. I can't even imagine being this attracted to someone else. We both have quite a situation on our hands... Hopefully we will both find someone that we are connected to as much as with our current bfs AND be able to get everything... Right now I can't even imagine that, but I'm holding out hope. Link to post Share on other sites
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