neveragain2493 Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 i have a big crush on one of my guy friends. at one time, we discussed being more than friends, but he said, 'you're pretty much my best friend, and it wouldn't be worth it to lose you if we broke up. almost all of my ex's hate me, and i wouldn't be able to take it if you did.' the thing is, we flirt all the time. he seems to get jealous when i talk to other guys. once i asked him if he meant what he said to me when we flirted, and he said, 'yes, but i don't want to lose you. i can honestly say i've never meant anyone like you. you may think you want a boyfriend, but you don't need one. you're a strong woman who doesn't need anyone to complete her.' i think he knows i like him, but i don't know if he likes me. what's going on? Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 It means that he likes you but doesn't want to date you on the basis that you're his best friend first and he can't see you as his girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 I've had a female platonic best friend for years. We did everything together. Neither of us (as far as I know) had any sexual interest in each other. I did not get jealous when she talked to other guys nor when she had a boyfriend. We knew we could count on each other whenever we needed something. When was the last time your friend had a girlfriend? IMO, from reading your OP, he wants you but has some inhibition. Taking a friendship intimate is sometimes tricky, especially for a guy, once you've become accustomed to seeing your female friend in a non-sexual way. I see that issue right now with a female friend, where we took a mutual romantic attraction platonic because of relationship committments (years ago I was single; she was married; now the positions are reversed). It's really hard for me to see her in a sexual way, even though I still find her attractive. We just have such a long history as platonic friends that, even if both of us were free, it would be work to transition to a romantic frame of mind. Anyway, I don't think the OP has that problem. Just be patient with your male friend and he'll come around. Nothing like a deep friendship that goes romantic. Breathtaking Link to post Share on other sites
Author neveragain2493 Posted March 11, 2008 Author Share Posted March 11, 2008 the thing is, he's made it clear that he finds me very attractive sexually. we joke around sexually all the time [and as i stated before, he said he meant it when he flirted with me]. the last time he had a girlfriend was about new years. i told him 'some good relationships come from friendships' and he said 'you never know what can happen in the future.' i've made it clear to him that he won't lose me, but he's still afraid. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 He's reluctant to start a relationship with you at this point. He's scared that should it not work out, he's gonna lose you as a friend. He mentioned that he can't get along with his exes, and he's afraid that he might be able to get back to that friendship state with you. What you need to do is really think over whether you can see the relationship as a long term thing. Try to have a talk with him about it, but if he really can't decide, then don't force the issue. Link to post Share on other sites
Author neveragain2493 Posted March 11, 2008 Author Share Posted March 11, 2008 we've talked about it a couple of times, but i don't want to annoy him, because i know it'll turn him off. i just think 'if i can't prove it to him that we won't break up, then what CAN i do?' and i guess the answer is nothing. i talk to other guys sometimes because some people say 'just make him see what he's missing'. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 As an example of what a really close platonic friend might say would be "I might be afraid to try, because I don't want to risk our friendship, but I love you so much that I think I'd be willing to take that risk. I know it takes a lot to be honest about your feelings and I love you for that. Let's see what the future brings" No offense to your friend, but I didn't feel the love in his comments....friendship love is valid and important and needs to be expressed too, IMO. IMO, if his exGF was a minor relationship (not multi-year) and, especially, if your friendship with him predated her, I wouldn't be too patient. Give it a couple of months for him to "get over" the X, and then make a decision. Trust me, it's much better to let a friend go than to be eternally at odds in the attraction department. It'll eat you up. Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 i have a big crush on one of my guy friends. at one time, we discussed being more than friends, but he said, 'you're pretty much my best friend, and it wouldn't be worth it to lose you if we broke up. almost all of my ex's hate me, and i wouldn't be able to take it if you did.' the thing is, we flirt all the time. he seems to get jealous when i talk to other guys. once i asked him if he meant what he said to me when we flirted, and he said, 'yes, but i don't want to lose you. i can honestly say i've never meant anyone like you. you may think you want a boyfriend, but you don't need one. you're a strong woman who doesn't need anyone to complete her.' i think he knows i like him, but i don't know if he likes me. what's going on? Do you know why his prior relationships did not work out and why his ex's "hate" him? He might be warning you. Just sayin'. Link to post Share on other sites
Author neveragain2493 Posted March 12, 2008 Author Share Posted March 12, 2008 he's made it clear that he is over his ex. he asked me to be there for him when they broke up, and so we talked about it. he says 'i know from experience you have my back no matter what.' they only dated for a couple of days, and he broke up with her after he found out some of the stuff she did. and he says he is single and looking.. but if he doesn't want to lose me, how come he keeps flirting? another thing: do all guy friends say 'sleep tight' or 'sweet dreams' when saying goodbye? because this is how he is. he says he means every word of it. he must not be TOO afraid of a risk if he keeps being a flirt. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 They only dated "a couple of days"? Hmmm.... I suspect long road. Variously, I've told female friends "take care, see you soon", "I love you", "sweet dreams" and a myriad of other intimacies when saying goodnight. These were platonic friends and I was single. Perhaps I'm odd, but I wouldn't infer too much from his goodbyes. I'd be far more concerned about him needing you to cover his back for a dating relationship which lasted mere days. Either I'm missing something here or something is very wrong. Wish I had more optimism here.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author neveragain2493 Posted March 12, 2008 Author Share Posted March 12, 2008 there was no need for me to cover his back; he was just upset and needed someone to talk to. he pretty much meant 'i know you'll always be there for me'. and i don't know, but considering the guys i know.. not one of my guy friends have ever been that way, it just made me curious. Link to post Share on other sites
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