neveragain2493 Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 i'm a really cool girl. i'm laid-back, relaxed, and lots of the guys like girls like that. well, how come guys only want friendship from me, a cool girl, and only want to date the girls who whine and complain and make their lives miserable? Link to post Share on other sites
Elyssa Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 I hate to say this, but perhaps they find those other girls more physically attractive than you. You know how most men are when it comes to looks. :/ -E Link to post Share on other sites
Author neveragain2493 Posted March 11, 2008 Author Share Posted March 11, 2008 actually, they've stated that they find me very attractive. if i knew i wasn't attractive, or if they had told me i wasn't, i wouldn't be here. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 Nice girl syndrome. Opposite of nice guy syndrome. Does laid-back mean you eschew drama? If yes, nice guys want to date you. My only guess on the "friend" issue is that you're giving off a "buddy" vibe instead of a "do me" vibe. Hard to explain but men perceive such things. It has nothing to do with appearance or dress, at least for me. I've been around women with forgettable looks and I'm drawn to them by some irresistable force. I'm married now and don't act on it, but do note it. Fascinating stuff. Why don't you ask a couple of guy friends whom you really trust what they're perceiving in your presence? I used to give my female friends my opinion all the time, if asked. Whenever I caught them send out sexual signals, we'd talk about it. This presumed they were having "boy troubles", like you describe. I've been around gorgeous women that have no sexual aura about them at all. Had a few female friends like that in the past. I'm starting to wonder if I'm defective Link to post Share on other sites
Author neveragain2493 Posted March 11, 2008 Author Share Posted March 11, 2008 laid-back meaning willing to talk about anything, avoiding drama [it's not something i go looking for], etc. so yes. when guys get together and i'm around, they're comfortable talking about sex and whatnot. and so i'm guessing you're right. sometimes i wonder if i'm TOO laid-back, but then again i wonder if i have to act stuck up in order for them to think of me as something more. i keep thinking they'll mature and see what's standing in front of them. Link to post Share on other sites
roundglass Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 Maybe they think you're too good for them, and perhaps they don't have a chance with 'a girl like you' Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 i keep thinking they'll mature and see what's standing in front of them. Bingo. Evolution. Beautiful women fascinate me. I love to watch them "work" the men. Intelligent women intimidate me (sometimes) because I know I could have something special with them, an adventure of the mind and body. Perhaps, even in laid back fashion, that's what's happening to you. You're getting held at arms length. I've had this (the reverse) happen with a couple of female friends because (I found out later) they didn't think they had anything to offer me. They couldn't have been more wrong, but that reality was lost upon the moment. How are your flirting skills? Mine were pretty lousy as a single guy (too much of a gentleman), so I was always getting slammed into the friend zone.... Link to post Share on other sites
j_hunt_12 Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 (edited) Yeah attraction works in very strange ways. It's not always about looks like you'd think it would be. My GF wasn't the best looking girl in the world... she's ok, but I was so attracted to her even from first site. Most guys get nervous about dating girls who are in their "group" too. Keep this in mind. You gotta flirt too... It is very sexy. I've met some very hot, intelligent girls that just really don't have that something to them. They are smart, attractive, I would be envied by my friends, and parents would love them if we dated, but I never wanted to. Play the game, just like guys do, and don't forget to be picky too. Ohh yeah, you might be putting out that vibe that only shy guys will find attractive and they will not approach you about them liking you. This is much less likely the older you are.. Edited March 11, 2008 by j_hunt_12 Link to post Share on other sites
Author neveragain2493 Posted March 11, 2008 Author Share Posted March 11, 2008 so they'll mature, then that's a big relief. and i'd say my flirting skills are pretty good. i'm into a lot of stuff they're into, and i can make them laugh. i have a lot of guy friends, maybe even more than girl friends, because we get along so much better. but i'm trying not to stay in the 'friend zone', because i hear once you're in, you never get out. i just think it's funny that guys complain about dating all the wrong girls when the good ones are the ones who sit there and hear them out, right in front of them. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 i have a lot of guy friends, maybe even more than girl friends, because we get along so much better. but i'm trying not to stay in the 'friend zone', because i hear once you're in, you never get out Hmm.... interesting... Do you find you relate to men better than women? I ask this question because I've theorized there is a wide highway of brain setpoints when it comes to sex and gender identification. IOW, if your brain is wired more "male", perhaps the natural signals you give off are interpreted by men to be less "opposite" I have a good female friend who I've discussed this with, in the reverse. My brain is wired more "female" and, even though she loves me dearly, there apparently isn't enough of the "opposite" (stereotypically male) energy to be sufficiently attractive. I've been fascinated by this, since we know each other's histories and can talk quite honestly. OTOH, my wife loves "hanging" with the guys and is more like a guy in many ways (personality-wise). Perhaps what I term as "gender reversal" is what attracted us to each other in the first place. Hard to know. Anyway, just some food for thought. I love to eat Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 Never, I could have written your post. Some have described me as that cool laid back chick. One guy told me I was intimating. Another one said I was too classy. (wtf?) There are all kinds of flavors of people in the world. In my younger days I did relate more to men then women. However, now I just look at the person and make real sure to be respectful of what I see (good or bad). Do be discerning about who you do choose to date. Just like there are women who are drawn to problematic relationships, there are men who are also attracted to that. There are also (damaged) guys that are attracted to a healthy, fairly well adjusted person because they think they will be fixed by association. (don't go there. ) If you do find a potential winner then ...do something a little crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveLace Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 OMG I so know what you mean. But I don't think they really do want to date chicks like that. Cuz I've been all of it..."one of the guys", cool and laid back. I've also been the "complainer", which hasn't given much better results. So since I have the same problem, I can't really help ya here! Link to post Share on other sites
Author neveragain2493 Posted March 12, 2008 Author Share Posted March 12, 2008 i think you're right, i can relate to guys better. they're: - laid back - straight up honest - won't stab you in the back - won't take the guy you want from you. and that's the way i've always looked at it. i always notice how guys define the stereotype of girls. once i was arguing with a guy, because he said all girls were 'stuck up, slutty, complainers' and i said, 'well most girls find guys shallow, lazy, sex-crazy, etc.' he replied with 'we're not!' and i said 'exactly! just like all girls aren't that way.' ...and that's when one of the guys turned around, pointed at me, and said, 'yeah.. like her, she's cool.' Link to post Share on other sites
LoveLace Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 i think you're right, i can relate to guys better. they're: - laid back - straight up honest - won't stab you in the back - won't take the guy you want from you. Yes they will, from my experience... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Nah, they just stab you in the front, right in the fifth intercostal space Link to post Share on other sites
Author neveragain2493 Posted March 12, 2008 Author Share Posted March 12, 2008 hahahah, maybe so, if you let them. ...and lovelace, i'm sorry that's happened to you, but it's never been an issue here. i sit there and listen to the guys say 'oh, that girl? she's a slut..' etc, etc.. so i guess the only reason they find them attractive is to get into their pants. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 i'm a really cool girl. i'm laid-back, relaxed, and lots of the guys like girls like that. well, how come guys only want friendship from me, a cool girl, and only want to date the girls who whine and complain and make their lives miserable? If that's really your experience with guys then your guy-picker is in definite need of an oil change, lube job and tune-up. The last thing I'd ever want in a relationship is someone who whines, complains and makes my life miserable. Only a fool or a Momma's boy would want that. BTDT. Divorced it! Of couse, I'm also old so what do I know? Link to post Share on other sites
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