Stone Posted July 7, 2003 Share Posted July 7, 2003 I am 22 (divorced) and my boyfriend is 34 he has never really been in a "relationship" we have been dating for 5 months we knew eachother for 1 year prior and he recently moved in with me and my son. I know he loves me, (actions speak louder than words) but he hasn't said it yet. I told him a couple times but won't consistantly say I love You and pressure him to say it back. am I overreacting? should I wait untill he's ready to say it or should I just ask him if he loves me? Link to post Share on other sites
zman Posted July 7, 2003 Share Posted July 7, 2003 My grandmother and grandfather were married 49 years before he died, and my grandmother said he never once told her he loved her. Not even on his deathbed. He thought expressing feelings was unmanly. But she knew he did. Of course this wasn't right, but many guys have a tough time saying they love someone. It makes them vulnerable. Also, many men are taught not to be the first one to say I love you because then it puts the woman in charge of the relationship. The theory is that whoever says I love you first ends up being the submissive party in the relationship. Of course this is all bs and unhealthy, but many guys act this way and have hang ups about it. Eventually I would ask the guy if he loves you, when the time is right and its not in a tone of voice or situation that is putting pressure on him. Don't freak out if he says he doesn't know or denies it. It's harder for guys to admit to and feel their feelings. He will eventually come around or at least express his love with his actions. Link to post Share on other sites
pleasehelpme Posted July 7, 2003 Share Posted July 7, 2003 If you know that he loves you, then you shouldn't be so insecure about it. You don't need to hear the words, and when you do one day, that will be the best moment ever. It is a sacred word. I have told my gf that I love her only a couple times, and I think I overuse it. She has not used it more than I have, because she thinks it is one of those forbidden words. When you tell someone you love them, you are giving them your heart. You have to be sure about it. 5 months may not be long enough to be sure... Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted July 7, 2003 Share Posted July 7, 2003 I'm surprised you let a guy move in with you and your son who has never told you he loves you. I know actions speak louder than words, and not saying it works for some couples, but in my experience, it's usually a bad sign. I'd be pretty freaked out if I were you, too, but pressuring him will do you no good. All you can do now is wait and hope that he eventually says it. Link to post Share on other sites
d1410 Posted July 8, 2003 Share Posted July 8, 2003 don't sweat it. If you feel the love and he shows it..why do couples have to say the L word after only 5 mths? My ex b/f tried to say it many times..I know it was hard for him (I hadn't said it to him yet) He would try to work it into poems, songs and sayings. very cute, and effective. But, the thing was it was on the tip of his tongue for awhile and it was very hard for him to spit it out. It's also hard to be the first one to say it..whether it's the woman or the man. If your guy does loves you..he'll eventually tell you. Good luck! d1410 Link to post Share on other sites
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