lost66 Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 Hello, So I have been dating this girl for about 2 months now. I have fallen in love with her and vice versa. From the moment we met we have hit it off and have been together the entire time. But... 2 years ago she separated from her husband, the divorce still is not final. This was in NY, she then moved to St. louis where she had friends and a potential new b/f. Well, i guess the St. louis b/f did not work out after 1 year and she is now dealing with that too. On top of resigning from her job of 3 years this past dec 31st. Her father bought her a condo in Dallas fully furnished and said come on down for awhile. condo is small and located in the same building as her single brother which would be happy to move into it. So, she can leave and no harm, no foul. She did not ask for the condo either from her family, they are blessed w/ the funds to do such a thing. The This all happened before i met her. Now she doesn't know where she wants to live, doesn't know what she wants to do for work, and i think is afraid of moving to stl for "a guy" because she sort of did that before and the pain of it is still there. She just left on saturday and i am missing her like crazy. She still has boxes of stuff here in st. louis, all she has in dallas is clothes, her dog and some pictures. I told her on sunday that i can't take the fact that she doesn't know when she is coming back. I told her until she knows then I'm not communicating w/ her on the phone. Well, she has been texting me a lot and i have been ignoring. This morning I called her after her text and she asked me to go to dallas this weekend. My problem is, i don't want to drag this out. I am ready to settle down, 31 years old, she is 32. She is ready to have a family but doesn't know what she is going to do professionally, where she is going to live, etc. I know i need a lot of attention and i can't get that from someone who lives far away. help please! Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 I've been in your shoes with a little more time under my belt in the relationship before he moved away. It was (and has been) excruciating. You're doing the right thing by not talking to her and not dragging it out. I wish I had the same strength!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lost66 Posted March 11, 2008 Author Share Posted March 11, 2008 so star gazer, i shouldn't go to dallas then? if you could do it all over, what would you do? She wants me to go this weekend. I would probably have to buy the tickets today. Link to post Share on other sites
dancinggal Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 You should go visit her a few times. Show her you aren't a jerk. But at the same time, you guys don't have to go steady straight away. If she needs time, give it to her. On a seperate note, are you really in love with her? Or are you in love with what you could potentially have with her? Link to post Share on other sites
TMichaels Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Hello, My problem is, i don't want to drag this out. I am ready to settle down, 31 years old, she is 32. She is ready to have a family but doesn't know what she is going to do professionally, where she is going to live, etc. I know i need a lot of attention and i can't get that from someone who lives far away. help please! I guess I am confused by your comment "i don't want to drag this out." Are you saying you don't want to have a LDR with this woman, or that you want to marry her without further delay? If it's the latter, why would you want to make such an important decision after only two month's dating her? Besides that, if she never finalized her divorce, that alone is going to take some time to resolve. If your problem is you don't want to endure a LDR, who's to say it will be? She may change her mind about St. Louis, and you could change your mind about Dallas. Only way to find that out is to continue to try and get to know each other and see how the relationship goes. If that means visiting her in Dallas for the weekend, so be it. You say most all her stuff is still in St. Louis, so it wouldn't seem out of the realm of possibility, she'll be back, too. Sounds to me like your g/f has a lot of issues to resolve (personal and professional) before she's going to be in a place to make any decisions in a sound and secure frame of mind. You need to decide whether she's worth the wait. If you have doubts, now is the time to either end it or step up to the plate. HTH, TMichaels Link to post Share on other sites
Author lost66 Posted March 13, 2008 Author Share Posted March 13, 2008 Thanks for the advise TM. I bought the ticket this morning! This relationship has gone fast. Is that normal as you get older? I've been out of the dating scene for about 5 years now, now 31. We fell in love and she was pretty much staying at my place for a month. Anyway, she has some really awesome qualties that I love about her. True, she does have some decisions to make and the divorce to settle. I'm afraid that those decisions will take a while. The job part is not that big of an issue to her because she has money in the bank and the place in dallas is paid for by her family. I figure I will go to dallas this weekend and who knows? I do need to get to know her more, its just gonna be hard and expensive. But, at this point I think it is worth it. I will let you know how the trip goes. I leave this saturday, march 15th. Link to post Share on other sites
TMichaels Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 I figure I will go to dallas this weekend and who knows? I do need to get to know her more, its just gonna be hard and expensive. But, at this point I think it is worth it. I will let you know how the trip goes. I leave this saturday, march 15th. lost66, Yes, LDRs and ones that involve complications like divorce are often "expensive" in terms of time, work and dollars, but when you think of it as an investment you're making in something that could pay big dividends for both of you in the end, that puts a whole different spin on the sacrifices you make. Hope your visit goes well! Good luck! Best, TMichaels Link to post Share on other sites
Author lost66 Posted March 18, 2008 Author Share Posted March 18, 2008 So, I am back from visiting my LDR girlfriend. I had a great time. We spent most of the time at bars and restaurants around the big city, it was a blast. We had great XXX but there were times that she was distant. She even said sorry a couple of times regarding the distance. But, when she was drinking there was no distance at all, its like she let her guard down. I feel she might have a drinking problem. I KNOW she has various issues including not being over her ex b/f of 2 years, her divorce is still not finalized, she doesn't know where she is going to live or what her next career path will be and she doesn't even have a job right now. Many, Many issues and I don't have any of them. She is a wonderful woman in many ways but right now she knows and I know she can't make me happy. In the mean time, i got home last night and since then I have received a voicemail and about 7 text messages. I haven't answered any of them. I now feel that if this relationship has a remote possibility to work she needs to be in saint louis, completely over her ex b/f, divorce final, and working. Until then, its not going to work. I love her but I just can't take her pain and problems on right now. I'm trying to run my business. Link to post Share on other sites
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