Help! I need advice!

[laura_84uk]

OK, im gonna waffle on for a bit here, bear with me, but i'm in a strange situation and i don't know what to do!

 

I met a guy in a club a few months back, just knew him to say hi to, then he started working in the shop next door to me. This obviously sparked up a topic for conversation and we found out we got on really well....

 

BUT a girl i work with knows him, and informed me he had a girlfriend. He of course never let on to me about this and we carried on flirting for a few weeks, and i know it was bad of me but we exchanged numbers. I really liked him and had been hearing him and his girlfriend had been having problems.

 

We continued text messaging each other several times as day, he'd pop into my work every day as well. Then one night i saw him in the club i'd met him at and he told me he really liked me and suspected i liked him as well, i told him he was right but i knew he had a girlfriend, so we left the conversation there.

 

That night he texted me saying he couldnt get what we'd said out of his mind, and that there was something about me that he thought might make it worth his while breaking up with his girlfriend. I told him not to do anything drastic as we barely knew each other, and we agreed to just see each other as friends and see how we got on.

 

We went out for a drink one night and found we got on amazingly, there was a real spark, he held my hand and had his arm around me, then at the end of the night we had a kiss, which was bad i know.

 

The next day he texted me to tell me he and his girlfriend had gone "on a break"

 

I saw him out the following night and he was all over me, ditched his friends to spend the entire night with me and mine, and although his girlfriends friends were there he didnt seem to care. But that night we both had a lot to drink, and i know thats no excuse, but we ended up sleeping together than night. At the time i didnt see the harm in it because we'd known each other a few months, and he wasnt with his girlfriend properly.

 

The next night he came around to my house to watch a video and we ended up having sex again.

 

Then the next day he said that everything was over with his girlfriend, he'd told her he'd met me and had ended things. But ever since he did this he seems to have messed his head up. He tells me he doesnt know what he wants anymore, he really likes me and if it was under different circumstances he'd definately want to carry on seeing me and take it further, but as he'd just come out of a 10 month relationship he wasnt sure if he wanted to jump straight into another one. So i said fair enough and told him i'd give him space to sort his head out.

 

But still on a daily basis he'd text me, come into my shop, or i'd see him out. But when i saw him out one night his ex girlfriend was up there, and he practically ignored me when i said hello. Five minutes later he came running up apologiing saying he didnt want to make things worse between him and his ex who was there that night, and he didnt mean to upset me, and that he thought we should go out for a drink to sort things out between us...

 

We did this, and for 2 hours talked about everything except what we came to, then we finally started talking and he was telling me how he still wasnt sure what he wanted, he couldnt see himself getting back with his ex, but he didnt know if he wanted to jump into anything straight away with me. I said fair enough we'll take each day as it comes, but i'd like us to stay friends at least until you sort your head out.

 

He just kept apologising and holding my hand and touching me, then pulling away, or looking really deeply into my eyes then looking away, as if he wanted to be with me but something was telling him he couldnt.

 

He gets jealous when he sees me talking to anyone else and makes detrimental comments about the other guys i'm talking to, yet doesnt seem to be able to give me a straight answer as to whether he wants to be with me. I dont know if he regrets breaking up with his ex girlfriend or just isnt sure if he wants to be with me or not, but he seems to be playing a lot of mind games and confusing me as well as himself.

 

What should i do? Just wait for him to decide what he wants, or move on?

 

I really really must like the guy because i'm still hanging around even though hes been doing my head in!

 

Help!!

[anonymous]

Talk a little about the timing of all this. How long is it now that he has had to sort his head out?

 

I do think that it was very "accomodating" of you to give him time to do his "sorting out," so that he could look at everything with a clear head.

 

However, you appear to be a really warm person, and your life will eventually need to go on, with or without him...

[d1410]

I met and became friends with a guy over a year ago who treated me just like this guy is treating you. He pretty much did the same thing to me. Was all into me, always complained about his girlfriend.. Left her for me then months later got back together with her...and on and on it went.

 

I didn't get what he was doing until my heart was into him, and it hurt bad. Some people play with other people's emotions because they don't know what they want. Truth is, they want it all...the girlfriend, the "friend" they sleep with, etc. Honestly, I think this man is hanging on to you just in case the situation with his current girlfriend doesn't pan out.

 

Maybe this is harsh..but I think you should just move on. You've already slept with you but he'll try contacting you again and then maybe leave you again.

 

I realized that it was my fault the second time I went back to him..because I was basically letting him use and abuse me, emotionally. Find someone that treats you right with all honesty and fairness. Once you raise your standards, you'll be amazed at the great guys you'll meet.

 

d1410