brokenhearted1 Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 Hello. I am new here. My fiancee broke off our engagement 4 months before our wedding. He said he's having doubts about our relationship. He isn't sure if it is just cold feet, though, so we are going to marriage counseling. We have been together for 8 1/2 years. Does anyone have any insight? We both agree that we are best friends. I am not quite sure what he thinks is missing. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 It's good you two are doing MC together... Maybe he's having cold feet, maybe not. Time will tell.. Anyway, as painful as this is for you, don't you think it's better if he isn't ready to marry you, to find out now rather than minutes before the wedding or even a year into the marriage? How was your relationship before he started having second thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 How long have you been engaged? How old are each of you? Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Actually, forgive me for saying so, but he seems quite wise... I worked for an association in the UK called Marriage Care, which was afiliated to, and funded by the RC Church, but open to all and sundry, regardless of Religion or anything else.... One of the conditions of getting married in a Catholic church was that couples wishing to do so, had to attend a couples pre-marriage workshop... Well....! Almost every couple that came through the doors were both resentful and quite angry that they were being obliged to go through with this.... Imean ter say, they had known each other for aaaaages, (and some longer than you and your Fiancé....) some had even lived together for a long time, AND had children - what the heck was all this about then -?? So an awful lot of workshops didn't get off to a very good start, and we had a lot of grumpy and sulky couples there... the atmosphere wasn't initially very good... Virtually every single couple who participated was so relieved and grateful they had done. Two couples I know of completely cancelled their wedding. One of them was because the woman realised she just didn't know her prospective spouse at all... and get this - they had been childhood swethearts....! They had known each other for 22 years, and lived together for six.... The other couple because they realised they still had some serious issues to work through. Four couples to my knowledge postponed their weddings, and one couple, unable to do this due to the short time available, booked counselling sessions with a qualified counsellor, for their return from honeymoon - ! I would add these were not all from the same weekend workshop - ! Getting married to your best friend is a wonderful and commendable thing, but if he thinks his fewelings have changed, or that something has subtly altered in your relationship, then I think he's being very mature, considerate and insightful. Go along with it. I cannot obviously say or predict what outcome will arise, but I promise you, this is far more favourable to quietly going ahead with the ceremony hiding misgivings, doubts and uncertainties. Trust me. Good luck to you both. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 You also might want to stick to one thread area to post in. I see you've posted your story in afew other places...Stick with this one as you have afew replies already... Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokenhearted1 Posted March 12, 2008 Author Share Posted March 12, 2008 We're both 32. He called it off a week before he turned 32. We've been engaged since August. We started off dating briefly, then a period of being friends with benefits (while living together), then dating, then engaged. I knew I loved him early on. It took him awhile to realize he loved me as more than a friend. We have been very close. We have had a great relationship. We trust each other to tell things we don't tell anyone else. We have interests in common, we want the same things in life, etc. He has a history of freaking out when it comes to big decisions in our relationship- transitioning to dating, buying a house, etc. But these decisions have always worked out for the better. In his proposal he talked about me knowing what he wants before he does. He said in counseling that he's not sure if this is the way he's supposed to feel about me or if there really is a "Hollywood" feeling he's supposed to get. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Hmm... He said in counseling that he's not sure if this is the way he's supposed to feel about me or if there really is a "Hollywood" feeling he's supposed to get. This after 8 1/2 years of being together? I can't speak for him, but I would've had you pushing strollers at this point Seriously, what I mean is if someone still is unsure of his feelings at this late date, he's either lying or not in love with you. IMO, being in love is like believing in God (if you're religious); you just do. There are qualifiers, like the "lists" oft talked about on LS, but, regardless, you just "know". If he doesn't know by now, I'd have my doubts. I guess PMC will clarify things... Link to post Share on other sites
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