????

[szegv]

Hi, everyone

I'm new here and need some help. My husbands sister has recently invited the entire family to a family vacation that is to take place in less than 3 months. She knows that our financial situation is not great, as my husband has been laid off from work for more than 3 months. My husbands brother calls us on behalf of the family the other night and says the vacation has been planned (we never got to discuss anything) and wants to know if we want to go. The location was decided, the dates were confirmed, and the hotel spot was all discussed and chosen and then we were called to see if we could go. Guess they had a little pow wow without us. The really interesting part about this invite, is that we only had 46 hours to decide if we wanted to go.

 

For whatever reason, they had decided that they needed to book the hotel right away. And all of this was supposedly planned at the last moment. The dates of the vacation had been scheduled around my husbands sisters husbands work schedule. Apparently, the family believes that his work schedule takes precedence over the rest of the families. My husband is our families only source on income and because he is laid off during the winter, he does not get any paid vacation time. This trip that would cost everyone else $1500-3000, would cost us a minimum of $ 5000 as we would have to save for the vacation, the time missed, and all of our medical insurance expenses for that week.

 

Needless to say, we declined their offer to take a family trip. This has really hurt my husband and our children. We would like to take a trip with the family if we had a minimum of 6 months notice and a valid say in where, when, what…. Actually, if I'm being honest, I would have to say that this is really a blessing in disguise for me. I personally do not want to be shacked up in a 4 bedroom condo with 12 people (6 of which are young kids) including his parents that I walk on egg shells around. But thats not the point.

How do you explain to children that some cousins get to go on a family trip but yet they do not? The really messed up part about this situation, is that I specifically told my husbands sister, mother, and brothers wife that we needed at least 6 months notice to plan a family vacation over 9 months ago. So while I believe that this was done purposefully so that we could not attend the family vacation, my husband chose to explain everything nicely to his family. They still elected to book the vacation even though they knew that he was upset and hurt. I’m really disappointed in my mother and father in law, that they didn’t have enough courtesy to say why don’t we sit down and discuss this as a whole family and then make plans to go on a trip that can include everyone. We don’t treat complete strangers with such lack of respect! My husband is to NICE to tell his family how selfish and inconsiderate that they are. I’m NOT!

 

So is it childish of me to cancel the Easter egg hunt and cook out we have planned at our home? I don’t think that I can be around them right now without letting them all have it. I dont want to be rude to any of them so what do I do? Any ideas on how to deal with his family in the future?

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

It may have been inconsiderate of them, granted. And it must be frustrating for you. However, wont cancelling the Easter Egg hunt just be another occasion your children dont get to spend time with their cousins?

 

How about YOU call a family meeting after the vacation and say you were disappointed that your family couldnt attend the last one so you were thinking of organising a cheaper option that all of the family attend?

 

This way, you still come across in a positive light and your husband can continue to be nice to his family. But you also get to take control of a situation you're unhappy with.

[Ping]

Your husband is really nice, to some point. You need a talk with your family member. You know. One can get soul comfortable, only after he has his butter and bread.

[Ronni_W]

So is it childish of me to cancel the Easter egg hunt and cook out we have planned at our home?

Yes, it would be childish of you . Staying on the 'High Road' would certainly send a much more positive message to everyone, especially your kids.

 

You can simply explain to your kids that family finances do not allow such a vacation at this time, but you are looking forward to the day when they will be able to enjoy a vacation with all their aunts, uncles and cousins.

 

The family's alternative was to not invite you at all, after they had chosen the time and type of holiday that suited the MAJORITY of the families' schedules and budgets. (What purpose does it serve, to put it mostly on them catering to your husband's brother-in-law's work schedule?)

 

Since there is long-standing acrimony between you and your husband's family and extended family, it's quite possible that they simply wanted to save themselves from a lot of unnecessary bickering and grief, and thus did not include you in their planning.

[Nevermind]

You shouldn't cancel the Easter Egg Hunt. Do it for your children.

 

But...expecting the whole family to work out everything 6 months in advance, because that's what would suit you best...isn't so considerate of you either. I understand your situation is tough, but sometimes people want to be spontaneous. You couldn't join, that's bad. But it's no reason to start a mini-war.