Backtracking, legitimate excuse for not thinking before speaking?

[soulseeker]

The subject should read: Speaking before thinking, a legitimate excuse for backtracking?

 

My BF told me last night that he called an ex gf, of which I know about and have been told that he never loved her and it was pretty casual, and left a message for her.

 

The reason he is in contact is bc she called him back in December and wanted advice from him. He never called her, partly, because he has been so involved with us (thats what he told me). Well, she emailed him a few weeks ago and said she was disappointed that he never called. So he called.

 

Anyway, he called her, left a message, and she texted him back and said she would call him later. He said, no, and that he would call her tomorrow. He said he wanted to call her so that she didnt call while I was over. Well, she called while I was over, just after he told me about it. I told him he should take that call and that I would leave. I tried to not be shrill, but I know I was, a titch. He didnt take the call.

 

When he originally told me about her months back, he said he had no interest in a friendship with her. Now he isnt sure where the relationship will go. He told me that if she tells him that she was open with him their relationship and she needs that again, well... then he shrugged.

 

I said that I was not comfortable with them having an emotionally intimate relationship. He said, I dont know where the relationship will go. I said that if it goes there, I want and deserve to know. I told him I felt that type of a relationship would be inappropriate.

 

At that point, he began to backtrack and say that it might be an emotionally intimate conversation, but that he had no interest in that long term. He really tried to allay my concerns.

 

BUT, He has back tracked like this in a few key situations. When he does this, I have a hard time trusting him. When I cant trust someone, I just dont see the point.

 

My friend says that she does this a lot too, and that she does it because she speaks without thinking. My BF has commented that he wished I would say everything on my mind. To this I tell him there is a lot of garbage in my head that does not need to be said bc it's not the truth of the matter.

 

Is his back tracking a coverup of sorts, or is it a legitimate excuse for not thinking before speaking? I dont care if there are truly just friends, he has other female friends and I am fine with it. I just want to trust him, and the back tracking is suspect to me.

Edited March 12, 2008 by soulseeker