finally told MM I'm pregnant...

[bentnotbroken]

Well, that's something he should have thought about before having sex outside of this marriage. He'll probably be paying through the nose - It's his own fault in that respect.

 

Legally speaking I doubt MM's wife will have to go to work to pay for her G's kid(s). If anything, she'll be working to support HER own two children, NOT Gwyn's.

 

 

 

I am a BS and I believe that he should support the children. He is the one who allowed his penis to stiffen and enter a vagina he wasn't married to wtihout a condom. All his idea. She couldn't have been with him if he weren't ready to be with her.

[Ariadne]

I doubt MM's wife will have to go to work to pay for her G's kid(s). If anything, she'll be working to support HER own two children, NOT Gwyn's.

 

Oh, wow.

 

The wife will have to go to work to support the son she has with her own husband, and the son her husband supports now.

 

And the husband will give his money to "G."

 

Just wonderful. Fair and square.

[nadiaj2727]

I agree with this, but for a woman, it really is up to her to protect herself from getting pregnant. A man can walk away, a man doesn't have to go through the pregnancy...In a perfert world a guy would be JUST as responsible as a woman when it comes to protection, but unfortunately, that isn't the case sometimes. If a man told me "I'm on the Man Pill, don't worry, you won't get pregnant!" There is NO way I'd trust completely, I just wouldn't take the chance of putting myself at risk.

 

Very well put WWIU. I believe this is what AmericanWoman was trying to say -- not that it's the woman's fault or that the woman should necessarily be "blamed" for pregnancy. Just that it's an unfortunate reality that we have to live with the consequences more than men do, so for our own sake and common sense we should protect ourselves against unwanted pregnancy.

[sb129]

In Ariadnes defense, she was only listing the options available to EVERY single woman who has an unexpected pregnancy- keep it & either get support from the father (or not as the case may be), adoption, or termination.

 

Not once did she ever say that she thought that if the father didn't want to be involved that the woman should have a termination/ adopt, and she certainly never mentioned that it should be "legal". I would post quotes from Nadias post on page 5 regarding this (and she read a little too much into Ariadnes post IMO) but I am having problems with this function.

 

Also G- you are ONLY 7 WEEKS????

 

Does anyone else find this wierd? I know in the US they tell you different, but here in the UK you are advised not to tell anyone you are pregnant until 12 weeks, and its very very unusual to be able to tell if someone is having twins at 7 weeks.

 

It is possible to detect the heartbeat at 7 weeks, but G has been posting that she is having twins for nearly a month now, and I find it very very unusual that she would even know she was pregnant at all at 3-4 weeks, let alone with twins.

 

Gwyneth is certainly a very articulate young woman, and I don't doubt that there may be some truth to her story, but MelodyMatters mentioned BellaBabyGirl, I remember her, and her story started to fall down after a few months of posting.

 

The dates/math just don't add up for me. Sorry, but thats how I feel.

[marlena]

When you decide to go down the path of single parenthood, then, you do just that...you parent alone with little to no expectations from the partner who never wanted the pregnancy. You accept the consequences of your decision to become a single parent, you pull up your sleeves, take a deep breath and tackle the job the best you can. If that means getting an extra job ,then, you do just that. If that means sacrificing your freedom, you do that,too. If that means having to think of how to explain to the kids about their absent father, then, you'd better have a good explanation ready when the time comes. After all, it was your decision to keep the baby in spite of the dire circumstances.

 

Otherwise, think twice about the major decision you are about to make and how it will impact your life and most importantly, the life of the children you are about to bring into the world. It is a decision that requires great courage and strength of character and not everyone meets the requirements.

 

If the father is a married man, then,the situation needs to be even more thoroughly reconsidered on all levels. Emotionally and financially blackmailing your MM is the worst possible thing you can do. Just as you can not make him leave his wife or make him love you, you can not force him to be father to your child unless he himself wants to or feels obligated to.

 

Remember it is you and you alone who chose this option over all others.

 

Once you decide to be a single mom, do it with dignity and grace and with the least amount of complications for everyone concerned.

Edited March 16, 2008 by marlena

[Mino]

Sometimes I don't understand you, A.

 

Actually, legally she does. He had sex with her and she got pregnant. He was stupid enough to cheat on his wife and get someone else pregnant, well, those are now HIS consquences HE has to face - And sadly yes, his wife probably will have to face as well because of his selfish choice to cheat.

 

 

 

How do you know that? Noone here knows the intent. Though he did tell Gwyn that he would like to impregnant her - Even him saying that as a joke, shows that he has thought about it. Remember too, this guy is a piece of work, from what G has said about him: He's selfish, he's a manipulator, he is a serial cheater and has no sense of what's right or wrong. He's in it for himself. Well, he's a big boy and seeing as he's made some pretty dumb choices recently, he'll have to face the heat and take responsibility now.

 

A condom was used, it either fell off or apparently he took it off. Yes, maybe G should have been more aware or made him pull out, that didn't happen and it's better to deal with the NOW than to focus on what should have been...

 

 

Apparently she does want to keep the kids and rightfully so.

 

 

 

Legally she can once it's actually proven he is the father. I'm sure there WILL be a paternity test. If MM's wife finds out, there WILL be a test taken for sure.

 

Also, he dragged his family into this mess as he was the one who cheated. These are consquences of HIS actions. He cheated and knocked someone up. I'm sure he'll be going through some real tough times...

 

 

 

I doubt that very much, even more so seeing as MM's wife is pregnant as well.

 

 

 

No, she shouldn't be dragged into this mess, but she is now by her husband's selfish choice to cheat on her. There's no way he'll be able to keep G's pregnancy from her...

 

 

 

Where did it say she was going to sue for money? She's already said if he doesn't want to have anything to do with it, she can provide $$ on her own without the help of MM.

I agree 100% percent... and where does it state that IF the guy is married he gets off the hook? If it were a single guy he wouldn't, he would have to pay. believe me there are plently of guys out there that chose not to have babies and it happened. Thats why some of them are married:lmao: Woman tricked him by getting pregnant and he wanted to to do the right thing. Or wives get off bc to keep husband cause she knows her marriage is in trouble.The bottom line is both are responsible. Thats the the way the cookie crumbles. Should have kept his pants zipped, he knew the risk. And as far as the wife goes, she has a choice too. She can decide to stay with him or she can divorce him and collect too:lmao: But it is not in their vows, for better or worse?? I guess this means worse....

Edited March 16, 2008 by Mino
spelling

[Gwyneth]

In Ariadnes defense, she was only listing the options available to EVERY single woman who has an unexpected pregnancy- keep it & either get support from the father (or not as the case may be), adoption, or termination.

 

Not once did she ever say that she thought that if the father didn't want to be involved that the woman should have a termination/ adopt, and she certainly never mentioned that it should be "legal". I would post quotes from Nadias post on page 5 regarding this (and she read a little too much into Ariadnes post IMO) but I am having problems with this function.

 

Also G- you are ONLY 7 WEEKS????

 

Does anyone else find this wierd? I know in the US they tell you different, but here in the UK you are advised not to tell anyone you are pregnant until 12 weeks, and its very very unusual to be able to tell if someone is having twins at 7 weeks.

 

It is possible to detect the heartbeat at 7 weeks, but G has been posting that she is having twins for nearly a month now, and I find it very very unusual that she would even know she was pregnant at all at 3-4 weeks, let alone with twins.

 

Gwyneth is certainly a very articulate young woman, and I don't doubt that there may be some truth to her story, but MelodyMatters mentioned BellaBabyGirl, I remember her, and her story started to fall down after a few months of posting.

 

The dates/math just don't add up for me. Sorry, but thats how I feel.

 

I know many women do wait until they are further along in case of a miscarriage, but I'm not worrying myself over that. I can't worry about something that might or might not happen.

 

I am not sure if it's twins yet--my OB said that my HG levels are very high for someone as far along as I am. When she did an ultrasound, she was unable to detect a second baby and said that next time hopefully we can find out more. However, my mother's were also very high four out of her five pregnancies, so this may be some kind of genetic thing. Again, I am not sure yet if I am having twins--that's a possiblity and something I posted about in the parenting room.

 

I did my part in the responsibility of making sure he had a condom on when we began to have sex. Sometimes these things break or come off out of our control.

 

I do not think Nadia or anyone else was reading too into A's post. And yes, her suggestion Was to either raise it on my own, abort, or adopt. Apparently she's against being with a MM--yet she's the OW? Whatever her motives are, she's quite ignorant. But I don't think we should even bother arguing with her because her views are particular and frustrating for many of us. So on with the new.

 

As for what the MM decides to do, I decided not to share that situation anymore with the board because it's obviously a sensitive topic and I am not trying to defend myself or him around here anymore. All I will say is that we spoke yesterday and it went well. I don't have any hopes--again, I don't freak out or get excited until the thing Actually happens. I live in the monent, not the past or present (I guess that's how you can describe me).

 

I also don't care if my story doesn't make sense. I try not to give TMI and apparently that makes me a liar and a troll. Ya just can't win around here

[sb129]

I didn't call you a liar OR a troll, but from the information you gave, things didn't make sense to me. If they make sense to you, then thats great because it is, after all, your life.

 

Thank you for confirming that you don't know for sure that you are pregnant with twins, it clarifies a few more things, and actually adds quite a bit of credibility to your story, as I am sure some of the more sceptical posters will agree.

 

I appreciate your wish not to want to give TMI, but you must realise that snippets here and there that appear to conflict with eachother on occasion will cause some people to doubt you. Hell, you could tell the whole truth etc etc and you would still get some doubters, such is the nature of a public forum.

 

I have said it before and I will say it again, I wish you all the best for your pregnancy, and hope that you have a happy and healthy baby(ies), and that things work out for you, regardless of whether MM remains in your life or not.

[Gwyneth]

I didn't call you a liar OR a troll, but from the information you gave, things didn't make sense to me. If they make sense to you, then thats great because it is, after all, your life.

 

Thank you for confirming that you don't know for sure that you are pregnant with twins, it clarifies a few more things, and actually adds quite a bit of credibility to your story, as I am sure some of the more sceptical posters will agree.

 

I appreciate your wish not to want to give TMI, but you must realise that snippets here and there that appear to conflict with eachother on occasion will cause some people to doubt you. Hell, you could tell the whole truth etc etc and you would still get some doubters, such is the nature of a public forum.

 

I have said it before and I will say it again, I wish you all the best for your pregnancy, and hope that you have a happy and healthy baby(ies), and that things work out for you, regardless of whether MM remains in your life or not.

 

Thank you

 

I know you didn't say that about me, I was just speaking to anyone whom did

 

My stories get changed around here by other posters. I just never correct them because I just figure they're confused. So I guess somewhere down the line it was just assumed I AM pregnant with twins. I began a thread in "parenting" asking advice, then Ms. Red (I believe) announced it over here, but she said "is possibly," so somehow that was changed to "She is preg with twins."

 

Honestly, I hope it isn't twins. That's a lot to handle and I don't know how ready I am for twins. I also never said I only had sex with MM once--that's was assumed somewhere down the line. I guess because I never came out and said "hey guess what, MM and I consumated our R," people were suprised after months of me saying I wasn't going to have S with him, that I did and that I said I was P. Well, we had it a few times and I thought I mentioned that but I guess not (again, that is TMI).

 

Also about the wife and stairs and his injuries--I said from the start that it was rumored she pushed him down the stairs. I didn't say I believed it, I said that's what I was told. I figured the story had been changed since he told he told he told he....you'll know how that game works.

 

So I am sorry if I confuse people around here and I am not trying to waste anyone's time--I just try to be as simple as possible when typing. Especially if I'm in a rush and feel I need to type on here to let out my feelings and get some fresh advice, I'm quick and simple.

[sb129]

Posts like that will help people keep their facts straight...

 

I am sure you will keep us updated over the next 35 weeks!

[Gwyneth]

Posts like that will help people keep their facts straight...

 

I am sure you will keep us updated over the next 35 weeks!

 

Well I don't know...after the reaction in this thread, I'm a bit scared

 

But we'll see. I am overly happy and overly hormonal, cry at every thing (well that's a life issue I have), and sore in general areas. I'll mostly post about my pregnancy in the parenting Room because I need as much advice and opionions I can get.

[Gwyneth]

35!!!! Let's hope it's a lot less than that. Shoot!

[sb129]

35 + 7 = 42weeks, which is the average human gestational period.

 

I figure in 35 weeks time you might be a little busy to post

[Gwyneth]

35 + 7 = 42weeks, which is the average human gestational period.

 

I figure in 35 weeks time you might be a little busy to post

 

Oh okay haha. I'm due in October, and yeah I will be very busy and no time to post

 

I thought 40 weeks was the maximum. See, I have a LOT to learn.

[melodymatters]

Ok, joining in the spirit of good fellowship : Yes, it IS 40 weeks give or take, so relax and take 14 days off your "sentence" ! lol.

 

Also, a word of advice : Once someone is ON the birth certificate as the father, they can not be taken off unless another male adopts them. I thought this was pretty unfair as my ex H, turned into a piece of sh*t, and I didn't want him to have ANY legal rights if I died, ( my parents were great grandparents and did more for her than he ever did, so I didn't want him to get custody if something happened to me due to his drug and alcohol problems)

 

In retrospect I would have kept him OFF the BC, while of course being honest with her about his identity and anything else she wanted to know.

 

For one thing, you won't be able to get your child a passport without his written permission. Or look at the anna nicole case : sperm has rights, even when the guy is a sucky dad. ( Not that that is going to be the case here, but just another thing to think about !)

[Gwyneth]

sperm has rights, even when the guy is a sucky dad. ( Not that that is going to be the case here, but just another thing to think about !)

 

LOL...sperm has rights.

 

Well this is his decision to make. But I made it vividly clear to him that he can't just come in and leave when he wants--it has to be consistent. I don't want that unconsistency for my child(ren). That's why I said either you're in and help, or you're out and don't. But I am taking his word "Rule out not being a part of their lives."

 

My mother and I had a long talk today about giving birth. Hopefully this will be a Looooon 40 weeks +/- and that the birth will go by quickly...

[OWoman]

Also, a word of advice : Once someone is ON the birth certificate as the father, they can not be taken off unless another male adopts them. I thought this was pretty unfair as my ex H, turned into a piece of sh*t, and I didn't want him to have ANY legal rights if I died, ( my parents were great grandparents and did more for her than he ever did, so I didn't want him to get custody if something happened to me due to his drug and alcohol problems)

 

In retrospect I would have kept him OFF the BC, while of course being honest with her about his identity and anything else she wanted to know.

 

For one thing, you won't be able to get your child a passport without his written permission. Or look at the anna nicole case : sperm has rights, even when the guy is a sucky dad. ( Not that that is going to be the case here, but just another thing to think about !)

 

I think that differs from place to place, and you might want to check out the law where you live, Gwyn. Here in my country it's common for courts to strip one (or both!) parents of their custodial rights or guardianship of their children if it's deemed to be in the children's best interests. The child/ren then either become wards of the state (if both parents are stripped) or the one parent becomes sole custodian and guardian.

 

But those kind of actions are not taken by the courts on a whim, to settle scores with discarded lovers or to accommodate a new lover - they're there to protect the child/ren and to serve their best interests, so don't count on that possibility down the line!

[american-woman]

And for the record, I didn't Purposely get pregnant for money. I don't need money...that's the lamest suggestion I seen heard thus far. I am not out to ruin him. Why would I give him options if I was out to ruin him?

 

And you're wrong, American woman. It takes two to make sure there is no pregnancy--not just the woman. That is a Very sexist remark.

 

 

 

No its not sexist, I think there are many men who may feel that it is more the womens responsibility to prevent pg then them, being that we are the ones who carry the baby. I think you know that condoms can break. I know I would`nt trust a condom or believe a man who said Im fixed and cant have kids therefore I would make sure Im the one protected aganist pg. Such as using BC or an IUD ect. There is NO reason in this day and age for a woman to become pg unless she plans on it.

[erika2610]

No its not sexist, I think there are many men who may feel that it is more the womens responsibility to prevent pg then them, being that we are the ones who carry the baby. I think you know that condoms can break. I know I would`nt trust a condom or believe a man who said Im fixed and cant have kids therefore I would make sure Im the one protected aganist pg. Such as using BC or an IUD ect. There is NO reason in this day and age for a woman to become pg unless she plans on it.

 

I don't know. Two of my girlfriends had children - unexpectedly. neither of them were planned. And one of them was on the pill. My sister in law also didn't plan hers. I don't understand people insinuating that Gwyneth planned this. Really? I don't know - if I wanted a baby, it certainly wouldn't be with a MM who already had kids, and was planning another with his wife. If she had done it for his money, would she even have considered not telling him? IMO, what's done is done, and there's no use going back and forth on whether she did it on purpose or not.

 

Anyway, Gwyneth - I wish you all the luck in the world. I take care of my one year old nephew, and God is he a handful! I can't even imagine him being twins! *If that's what you're having*. But it is so worth it, and you sound like you have a great support system in your family, which makes it that much easier. And just remember - get all the sleep you can now!

 

Good luck.

[blair08]

High HCG levels can possibly mean, twins or that you're further along than they thought.

 

So hopefully they will know more for sure at your next appointment.

[Ariadne]

So if a gal f'd a single guy he SHOULD help pay for the baby? Or, again, no in your little odd, sexist world?

 

Actually, I think the law is pretty messed up with that too.

 

The woman gets to choose, the guy has no saying, and he gets half of the responsibility.

 

If he has half of the responsibility to pay, then he should be able to decide whether or not to have a baby.

 

Women may try and get pregnant, not telling him, or the condom may break etc.

 

In this case the guy already had a family. I don't see why G's decisions would have to disturb that which was there on the first place and she knew it.

[erika2610]

Actually, I think the law is pretty messed up with that too.

 

The woman gets to choose, the guy has no saying, and he gets half of the responsibility.

 

If he has half of the responsibility to pay, then he should be able to decide whether or not to have a baby.

 

Women may try and get pregnant, not telling him, or the condom may break etc.

 

In this case the guy already had a family. I don't see why G's decisions would have to disturb that which was there on the first place and she knew it.

 

Correct me if I'm wrong, but he was there too, no? So in your world, he should be able to get off scott free, and Gwyn should have to deal with all of it alone? I guess I just don't understand your way of thinking here. It's a bit odd to me.

[MimiMe]

I agree with this, but for a woman, it really is up to her to protect herself from getting pregnant. A man can walk away, a man doesn't have to go through the pregnancy...In a perfert world a guy would be JUST as responsible as a woman when it comes to protection, but unfortunately, that isn't the case sometimes. If a man told me "I'm on the Man Pill, don't worry, you won't get pregnant!" There is NO way I'd trust completely, I just wouldn't take the chance of putting myself at risk.

 

Co-sign. There are many methods of contraception. It is not like we are still just on the "pill" days. To use a condom in this situation would have been more on the safeguard of STD's since this is not a monogamous relationship- I would have used a birth control (only) method on top of the rubber. But that is just me. I also, wouldnt take the chance of putting myself at risk.

 

G- another thing... remember, this place (www) goes away by clicking on that lil x on the corner ^^^^ there . It's your life, you call the shots and have to live with the aftermath.

I dont blame a past user for using this place to write a novel. I thought my story would make an interesting melodrama but jeez... there are other people out there with some dramz... KRAYZEE!

[nadiaj2727]

In Ariadnes defense, she was only listing the options available to EVERY single woman who has an unexpected pregnancy- keep it & either get support from the father (or not as the case may be), adoption, or termination.

 

I'm sorry SB129 but you're wrong about Ariadne's view (at least as she's been stating it here). She did not list the option of keeping the baby and getting support from the father. She specifically said the ONLY options for G are raising the baby without financial support from the father, having an abortion or an adoption. She doesn't think that the child support option should be available. She said that's what's wrong with the American legal system and that in her view a single mother should not be entitled to child support from a father who doesn't want the baby.

[Ariadne]

So in your world, he should be able to get off scott free, and Gwyn should have to deal with all of it alone?

 

No, she can have an abortion. It's a ten minute procedure.

 

If she wants to keep the baby and he doesn't want the responsibility, she should support the baby herself.