finally told MM I'm pregnant...

[marlena]

This isn't an 'oopsie' pregnancy. This is not the same as a man who is vehement about not getting a girl pregnant and tries to take precautions to make sure she doesn't.

 

I hardly think a MM would want to get his affair partner deliberately pregnant! Conversely, I should think he would avoid it like the plague. He may say he does. But that's all part of the BS he tells the OW to keep her hanging in there.

[Lookingforward]

I hardly think a MM would want to get his affair partner deliberately pregnant! Conversely, I should think he would avoid it like the plague. He may say he does. But that's all part of the BS he tells the OW to keep her hanging in there.

 

Yes, and it's been discussed before how MMs have this airy fairy head fantasy thing going on where maybe the "idea" of her being pregnant was all good.

[marlena]

No,

 

If she doesn't want to get pregnant, it's her responsibility to use birth control.

 

She is a grown up woman and she knows she can get pregnant.

 

You can't rely on someone else for that, take care of yourself

 

Totally in agreement. Getting pregnant in this day and age is simply being irresponsible. Unless, of course, you want to. That's a different ball game!

[Ariadne]

No. This is what is wrong in your thinking. Responsibility is not about "wanting" it or not. I don't "want" certain responsibilities I have in my life, but I take them on because not to do so will negatively affect my life and the lives of others.

 

Reponsibility is assumed. You assume responsibility when you affect other people's lives with your actions.

 

It is called being a grown-up.

 

It is you who is wrong.

 

I want to have a mansion too and monkeys in the backyard.

 

Ups, too bad. I can't afford it.

 

If you are willing to take on some "responsibilities," you better be able to foot the bill.

 

And not depend on someone else to foot the bill for you.

[Ariadne]

I hardly think a MM would want to get his affair partner deliberately pregnant! Conversely, I should think he would avoid it like the plague. He may say he does. But that's all part of the BS he tells the OW to keep her hanging in there.

 

Actually,

 

This was his reaction when he heard she was pregnant:

 

Well when I told him I'm pregnant, his jaw dropped. But then I said possibly with twins--his jaw dropped lower. Then he got up and kept walking back and forth asking questions -- how, when, why me, why now? I just let him talk/vent.

[JackJack]

No,

 

If she doesn't want to get pregnant, it's her responsibility to use birth control.

 

She is a grown up woman and she knows she can get pregnant.

 

You can't rely on someone else for that, take care of yourself.

 

Well I agree with the fact if someone is going to lay down with another its probably best that both parties involved are protected. I saw where he had on a condom and possibly came off or he took it off, blah blah, but my question is, and I may have missed it, since he must have at least started out with a condom, did Gwyn have any protection herself? Was she on BC of any kind? BC could have been used a backup method incase a condom came off or broke. Just saying.

[marlena]

Christ, my daughter is twenty-three and is on BC!!!

 

This is the twenty-first century! There should be no such thing as an unwanted pregancy!

 

And even that can be fixed (just saying)!

[marlena]

All this drama!!! So many lives being shattered. WHY?

[MimiMe]

Ok, joining in the spirit of good fellowship : Yes, it IS 40 weeks give or take, so relax and take 14 days off your "sentence" ! lol.

 

Also, a word of advice : Once someone is ON the birth certificate as the father, they can not be taken off unless another male adopts them. I thought this was pretty unfair as my ex H, turned into a piece of sh*t, and I didn't want him to have ANY legal rights if I died, ( my parents were great grandparents and did more for her than he ever did, so I didn't want him to get custody if something happened to me due to his drug and alcohol problems)

 

In retrospect I would have kept him OFF the BC, while of course being honest with her about his identity and anything else she wanted to know.

 

For one thing, you won't be able to get your child a passport without his written permission. Or look at the anna nicole case : sperm has rights, even when the guy is a sucky dad. ( Not that that is going to be the case here, but just another thing to think about !)

 

 

Agree. See where the current takes you with this parental issue and get yourself some legal counsel if things dont get ironed out on their own.

IF you dont list the name of the father on the birth certificate (which you dont have to) you CAN'T go after child support!!! Not sure what your case is in regards to how supportive your relatives can be and all that... but remember, you are bringing a person into this world that does have 2 parents and deserves the right to know who the other person that created him/her is. Decisions that you make today, will have long lasting effect in your childs life. Some can be emotional, economical, etc...

This situation already started on a sour note- be fair and wise. 2 wrongs dont make a right.

[american-woman]

All this drama!!! So many lives being shattered. WHY?

 

 

SELFISHNESS?

[MimiMe]

And, what happens 2 years later or 5 years or even 10 years later when the guy realizes, OMG I have a child out there, I'm a daddy! Now I want to be part of my son/daughters life. IS it OK for him to all of a sudden find his child and be involved?

 

 

Yes it is for him to want to be part of the childs life-not acceptable- but it happens that people one day wake up and repent... and that's when he'll get hit with backpay of child support. LOL! Only if Gwyn goes after it though, but let's say she ever got government help, they will ask for the fathers info and they can always track him (but let's say that Gwyn is never going to need government help!).

[Lookingforward]

IF you dont list the name of the father on the birth certificate (which you dont have to) you CAN'T go after child support!!!

 

Sure you can, just have to prove paternity at a later date, that's all. Even having the father's name on the BC doesn't guarantee child support.

[MimiMe]

I kept thinking 'morning after pill! morning after pill!'

 

But, as you say, Mimi - it's too late now, so I'm not sure I understand the point of all this re-hashing of woulda, coulda, shoulda in this thread. Perhaps it can serve as a cautionary tale...what a mess.

 

WORD! Wear your hats fellas!!

 

And to top it all off... this is just the start line in this dramz. Wait till the W finds out. Gwyn, that's where the real drama begins. He's probably going to get the boot! and then what?? be ready to have unexpected guests.

 

Very unfortunate that a person that is going though one of the most beautiful experiences that a woman can go through (and a marriage) have to deal with all this ish. Sad!

[Gwyneth]

I think there are many men who may feel that it is more the womens responsibility to prevent pg then them

 

I do agree with you on this one.

[Gwyneth]

I don't know. Two of my girlfriends had children - unexpectedly. neither of them were planned. And one of them was on the pill. My sister in law also didn't plan hers. I don't understand people insinuating that Gwyneth planned this. Really? I don't know - if I wanted a baby, it certainly wouldn't be with a MM who already had kids, and was planning another with his wife. If she had done it for his money, would she even have considered not telling him? IMO, what's done is done, and there's no use going back and forth on whether she did it on purpose or not.

 

Anyway, Gwyneth - I wish you all the luck in the world. I take care of my one year old nephew, and God is he a handful! I can't even imagine him being twins! *If that's what you're having*. But it is so worth it, and you sound like you have a great support system in your family, which makes it that much easier. And just remember - get all the sleep you can now!

 

Good luck.

 

Thank you

 

I too became pregnant on the pill several years ago. Honestly, the only form of BC I trust is abstinance.

[MimiMe]

did Gwyn have any protection herself? Was she on BC of any kind? BC could have been used a backup method incase a condom came off or broke. Just saying.

 

 

Obviously not... If most BC methods are 99% accurate and a condom is used and you still get pregnant, then you are just a case of BAD LUCK! LOL!

[Gwyneth]

Actually, I think the law is pretty messed up with that too.

 

The woman gets to choose, the guy has no saying, and he gets half of the responsibility.

 

If he has half of the responsibility to pay, then he should be able to decide whether or not to have a baby.

 

Women may try and get pregnant, not telling him, or the condom may break etc.

 

In this case the guy already had a family. I don't see why G's decisions would have to disturb that which was there on the first place and she knew it.

 

Well now that you finally say it this way, I do agree with you. That is why I am giving him the option to choose what he wants to do.

 

But I don't agree with you on my decisions interfering with hims family. HE chose to sleep with me knowing the consequences of which we spoke about prior to consumating. He also knows the ball is in his court.

 

I don't think you're paying attention to anything I or anyone else is saying around here.

[Gwyneth]

But the OW/OM becomes equally reponsible for the affair to go on- at least with you. (because chances are that he/she can find someone else to play with).If you dont "mind" and get yourself involved in the myst... then you are just as accountable as the MM/MW.

 

It's pretty immature and kind of a scape goat, when you willingly get yourself involved in these kind of relationships then when it hits the fan... the OW/OM want to say its not their fault or business and that they were not the one that cheated of the BS.

 

I think what the OP means here is that it's not the OW/OM who gave the initial idea to the married person to cheat--but it is their fault that they participated in the act.

 

Also, let me clear up my last post because I don't think I came across clearly...

 

I don't agree with A one bit and I think she is just trying to rally people up around here as evdient to her vulgar thoughts, opinions, and comments. She acts like an abortion is only a ten minute procedure--well yes, it may be, but what about the emotional process afterward? Obviously she's never had an abortion and suffered the consequences afterward. Up until this pregnancy I was still very angry with myself for having to had gone through the abortion several years ago. My OB said that I was lucky to even had gotten pregnant this time around because of a post-abortion issue I had. I know some women whom had trouble ever getting pregnant again after they had an abortion. It's not a safe procedure and it's extremely emotinal. And the fact that you, A, give that to me or even anyone in my position, as one of the three options, is quite selfish. You have no idea what you are talking about. You are very naive and uneducated.

[Gwyneth]

Which correlates... if G and MM didn't do the "wild thang" then W wouldn't have to work to support her own kids. (then again, we dont know their real situation. We dont know if the wife already works and what she really brings into the marriage -in the economical aspect).

 

Bottom line is, there is no way this dude is going to get away with not supporting those kids - unless G doesn't take him for the ride. If he doesn't support them willingly- he will have to legally and the only person that can take it or leave it is G. Lord knows... she can meet a very very wealthy dude and never need a dime from MM (hey, anything can happen). I dont know where you live Gwyn and dont know what you do for a living... but at least here in NYC, to be a single parent AND of twins... you better make six figures!!!

 

AND it'll be in his best interest to support these babies from the get... or else IRS will chanish his JOINT returns years down the line (and THAT will put his W in the picture of supporting these babies. lol).

 

I live in Jersey City but I work in NYC. I am from NYC. I have a very good job and money set to the side for my future. I guess now is my future

[Gwyneth]

And, what happens 2 years later or 5 years or even 10 years later when the guy realizes, OMG I have a child out there, I'm a daddy! Now I want to be part of my son/daughters life. IS it OK for him to all of a sudden find his child and be involved?

 

 

This is exactly why I need him to make a decision now. He either is going to be a steady and commited part of his or her life and help out, or he is going to give up his rights as a bio parent. I don't want an inconsistent father in their life. I don't think it's healthy at all.

[JackJack]

Thank you

 

I too became pregnant on the pill several years ago. Honestly, the only form of BC I trust is abstinance.

 

Were you on BC this time too?

 

My wife and I had a friend a few years back who was on BC pills. She got pregnant three different times while on them. Not because she messed up on them, but they ended up doing a test and found out her body was rejecting the pills, hence getting pregnant three times. Not sure what kind of test they would do to find out, but anyway its what were we were told.

 

Most of the time unless people really mess up as far as taking the pills, or, the body rejecting them, or an antibiotic lessons the effects (which most dotcors will tell you it does, some state it on the meds) most of the time they are pretty effective.

[Gwyneth]

I'm sorry Gwyn but how old are you again? there are about a dozen other options. Too late now... but this could sound narrow minded to say that you did your part in using a condom- just IMO.

 

Well I ruled out the BCP years ago as they were not agreeing with me well at all, and I haven't been having consistent sex so any of those other methods weren't available for me, and are off limits. I don't like inserting anything up into my V--I can't even wear a tampon. So those other things are off limits as well.

[Gwyneth]

His family's lives were destroyed with out them even knowing the minute he decided to have an affair no?

 

Think about it there home/life/marriage/love is a lie at this point and they just don't know it yet how sad.

 

I agree she should have been carefuller but so should he again responsibility.

 

If you ask me the wife should at some point maybe after the birth of her baby's so as not to upset her to to much now.

 

Be told of the hole affair so she can decide wither or not she wants to move on in her and her kids life!

 

His wife new very well before trying for a baby that there was another woman in the picture. She often asked who Gwyneth is, and she has called me before. So, she isn't so clueless. I think she gave up because she wants a child with him and would rather not know. But I don't know because I don't know her. But I do know that she knew I was in the picture. So it was her decision to have a baby knowing her husband is unfaithful. Still doesn't make what he and I did right, but there aren't many surprises here. She even went as far as changing his phone number on his mobile.

[MimiMe]

Sure you can, just have to prove paternity at a later date, that's all. Even having the father's name on the BC doesn't guarantee child support.

 

Doesn't guarantee child support if he has no means of income- about the only way out of that one... If Gwyn filed for the MM to pay support, and he is employed on the books, there is no doubt about it that he will have to pay- unless a DNA test proves that he is not the father. That's the law and even though it may differ from state to state mostly on the % that it is assigned, considering the cost of living and other demo factors, it's pretty much a standard code.

[Gwyneth]

Well I agree with the fact if someone is going to lay down with another its probably best that both parties involved are protected. I saw where he had on a condom and possibly came off or he took it off, blah blah, but my question is, and I may have missed it, since he must have at least started out with a condom, did Gwyn have any protection herself? Was she on BC of any kind? BC could have been used a backup method incase a condom came off or broke. Just saying.

 

See my previous answers. BCP is no longer an option for me; unfortunately my body reacts badly to BCP. And I am not comfortable sticking things into my vagina--including tampons and fingers.