Almost lover Posted March 13, 2008 Share Posted March 13, 2008 (edited) Hello everyone! Since I'm new here, I thought that it would be prudent to start with some information about my self. About me I am 27 y/o guy who lives in Sweden. I am currently employed as a software developer at a multi national consulting firm here in Sweden. I have been "off the market" for almost 7 years, (5 year long relationship + almost 2 years of "getting back on track"). I now feel that I'm ready and somewhat eager to pursue a new relationship. Some background information (As always...) ...there is this girl... that I think I'm falling in love with. You might say that she is my colleague, her desk is about 5 meters (15 feet) from my desk, (so I pass here every day), but we work for different divisions of the company. I believe or suspect that she a project manager of some sort. The transition At first I was somewhat annoyed by her and I felt that she had an arrogant attitude towards other people and I assumed that she felt that most of us (average people) wasn't good enough for her. So even though I have been working for this company for about 4 months, I had never really spoken to her, not even a nod on the head when passing her. Instead I could just look right at her and just walk past her. So for 3.5 months this had become the standard operating procedure for me: 1. Look her in the eyes 2. Keep a straight face 3. Just keep on walking It was about 2 weeks ago when I first realized that something had changed. I started to notice that there were things about her that I found attractive, Like that her cute nose would turn red every time she went outside into the cold. I later realized that my initial feelings towards her must have been a subconscious response to my own inner insecurity and the attraction I felt towards her. At first I tried to ignore my feelings of attraction towards her, hoping that they would go away. A week passed... On day I see her walking at my direction and I felt like hugging and holding her. That was when I knew that I had passed the state of physical attraction. I was love struck The pursuit of saying "Hello!" I needed to do something but I wasn't quite sure what or how. At the very least I should say Hello and introduce my self. Not as easy as one could presume! For three months I have been walking past her with out even saying hello, so every time she hears footsteps she looks to see who it is, and when she sees me walking in her general direction, she assumes that I will just walk by without saying anything, so she goes back to what ever she was doing before she heard my footsteps. I have tried to talk to say hello three time, but since she doesn't expect me to talk to her, she never hears me. A welcome change Yesterday, in a moment of weakness, I told an older female colleague about my feelings for this girl. (They are not friends but they know of each other). Her response was: "she is a wonderful person, but she has lots of proposers". Today when walking towards my desk, I managed to talk to her. She was somewhat surprised that I actually spoke to her but still very nice. It wasn't a very meaningful conversation, but an important one. The message sent by having a conversation, any conversation, is "I have acknowledged your existence", "I have seen you". The second time I passed her desk (few hours later) , she looks me in the eyes and smiles, I smile back, nod with the head and walk by. (That felt great). to be continued... (feel welcome to comment) Edited March 13, 2008 by Almost lover Link to post Share on other sites
confused2007 Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 Gauge her reactions/responses when you 'lightly' flirt with her. If she shows signs of interest then pursue a step further. You mentioned she has a lot of "proposers." Look at the competition and fulfill her where they lack. On the other hand, I know she doesn't work for the same company but she does work near you. Be careful not to create a stressful environment because of this. Link to post Share on other sites
mlchris2 Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 Gauge her reactions/responses when you 'lightly' flirt with her. If she shows signs of interest then pursue a step further. You mentioned she has a lot of "proposers." Look at the competition and fulfill her where they lack. On the other hand, I know she doesn't work for the same company but she does work near you. Be careful not to create a stressful environment because of this. Totally second the above. I'm currently "dating" someone I work with. I did the same, pretty much walked by her for months, then one day it just clicked. I watched the signs... reacted on them, even though were taking things slow (im havin trouble with this, cause this girl is amazing... sorry I wont go there in this post), its working. I saw other guys ask her out and she told every single one of them "I dont date guys I work with". Some of these same guys have left, asked her out and she still declined. I have been myself since day one and she likes it. enought to change her personal beliefs about dating someone at work... If something does become of your situation and you do start dating. the first thing i would do is set ground rules. We did and it helps. We decided to keep things professional at the office and leave "us" for outside the office. The most we do is IM each other, go to lunch and we drop by each others office and chat. No matter what you do, as soon as people get word... the rumors will start to flow. I am the talk of the office and I hate it. Her manager got upset that we are always talking and reported it to my manager. Even though me talking to her had no impact on her or my work performance, it causing drama. good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
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