Loss of identity

[Theorem]

Cliffs:

After a small incident with my Ex about me from what she understands as flirting with her sister on AIM a couple weeks ago im guessing. The tiny details: (of which i joked with her sister, teasing about her waiting online all night for her BF and i responded "your adorable" etc. so now im a jerk with no boundries) i wasnt actually meaning anything perverse in any way either. But thats how she feels now. My ex found out or heard/read something and now basically told me how she was fooled to think she knew me. That honestly HIT ME pretty hard. I mean wow, i hadnt felt like id been put down like that in years. It might seem insignificant but i dunno. it just did...

 

So BACK TO ME:

Ive FALLEN back into this rut that feels very similar to that depressing ligering stomach pit feeling i had when we first broke up. Just aweful really...but it feels more like feelings that were already there. As if i never got over any of this at all. I seriously have not FELT happy in the past 8 months after we broke up. It raised my attention to the fact that i must be completely deluded or something about my life since in all this time im still in the same place telling myself that im ok. I have alot of feelings of loss with my ex, after we broke up, and many times after as friends we broke off (i guess it didnt work that way either) What do i do...is this a point in your life when you really have to get out and date new people to help the process, am i just confused inside? I dont want to over react but in all honesty. In my whole life...this is the only point in the past year where i feel a complete loss of identity and self. Prior to this, ive been more content with everything and now. I cant muster the energy to care or be motivated about anything anymore. Maybe im just depressed...but it feels more like a habit as time goes on. im unsure where to approach this

[Ronni_W]

I'm not sure I'm totally getting this: Your ex recently accused you of being a jerk with no boundaries, and that has triggered within you a loss of sense of self and identity...does that sum it up?

 

If it's something like that, then you may want to start with getting really clear on how you see yourself: What qualities, characteristics, strengths, talents, weaknesses, experiences, etc., would you write about, if you were going to write about who/what you are? Are you predisposed to high drama that compels you to "act out", or do you prefer a calm environment in which you can just 'be'?

What thoughts, beliefs, behaviour, needs, likes, desires, preferences and dislikes form part of your personality?

 

After you've given that due consideration (take lots of time; you may find writing it down will help with the process), THEN decide if your opinion of yourself matches with YOUR idea of someone who is a "jerk with no boundaries".

 

If so, and you want to see yourself in different terms, then start changing those qualities and characteristics that you no longer want to embody, that YOU think makes you come across like a jerk. (You do that just by choosing it and doing it. Eliminate thoughts/habits you do not want, and add thoughts/behaviours that you do.)

 

If your self-reflection does not match the "jerk" description, then your ex's perspective of you is wrong, and she's saying inaccurate things about you. That's her mistake. It has absolutely no affect/impact on who you really are. It is just her opinion.

 

We can only lose our sense of identity when we haven't taken the time to determine what that "identity" consists of. You need to find that for yourself, from within, using your own mind and heart.

Once you set it, it's yours for life -- you'll know when others' have a distorted view of it, but their distortions won't freak you out cos you'll have the confidence of your own knowledge of who you truly are.

 

Best of luck. If approached with an open and optimistic mindset, it can be an exciting and liberating adventure!

[Theorem]

I'm not sure I'm totally getting this: Your ex recently accused you of being a jerk with no boundaries, and that has triggered within you a loss of sense of self and identity...does that sum it up?

 

If it's something like that, then you may want to start with getting really clear on how you see yourself: What qualities, characteristics, strengths, talents, weaknesses, experiences, etc., would you write about, if you were going to write about who/what you are? Are you predisposed to high drama that compels you to "act out", or do you prefer a calm environment in which you can just 'be'?

What thoughts, beliefs, behaviour, needs, likes, desires, preferences and dislikes form part of your personality?

 

After you've given that due consideration (take lots of time; you may find writing it down will help with the process), THEN decide if your opinion of yourself matches with YOUR idea of someone who is a "jerk with no boundaries".

 

If so, and you want to see yourself in different terms, then start changing those qualities and characteristics that you no longer want to embody, that YOU think makes you come across like a jerk. (You do that just by choosing it and doing it. Eliminate thoughts/habits you do not want, and add thoughts/behaviours that you do.)

 

If your self-reflection does not match the "jerk" description, then your ex's perspective of you is wrong, and she's saying inaccurate things about you. That's her mistake. It has absolutely no affect/impact on who you really are. It is just her opinion.

 

We can only lose our sense of identity when we haven't taken the time to determine what that "identity" consists of. You need to find that for yourself, from within, using your own mind and heart.

Once you set it, it's yours for life -- you'll know when others' have a distorted view of it, but their distortions won't freak you out cos you'll have the confidence of your own knowledge of who you truly are.

 

Best of luck. If approached with an open and optimistic mindset, it can be an exciting and liberating adventure!

 

 

i realize how confusing my first post was after reading it again lol. Thanks for that helpful response too.

 

Basically yes...ive been depressed so long it feels like i dont know why anymore. And at time it does feel like im angry with myself. or that im usure about who i am anymore etc...or maybe im stressed because im searching for a reason why, and it doesnt exsist! Ive been a recluse since then and now im kinda stuck in this mode of confusion of my own self worth and image.

 

I will spend more time practicing being more positive as well. I really hope that i can learn to feel about myself the way i did couple years ago