Here we go again..any adivce is welcome.

[aisuangel]

I don't even know why I care/bother anymore with him. I don't know maybe because I'm lonely?

 

For those who have read my previous posts you might know who I'm talking about, it's the same person. For those who don't know what I'm talking about, please read my previous posts. I posted them below..

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t51015/

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t113833/

 

Last time I posted on here he found out, so I stopped posting, but I'm back again. I guess you could say I don't care, or I'm fed up, I don't know...

 

He googled my name and found all the posts and got pissed off and told me "Wanted nothing more to do with me". He said the reason why he got so pissed was because his wife could very easily find this just like he did and not give him a divorce (this was last year). So, things ended on a bad note, and we stopped talking, until he decided to contact me later on down the road.

 

Well, after a period of not talking, when we finally started talking again he claimed he's "changed" and is no longer the ******* that he use to be to me, and apologized for all the bad**** that he said over time. He claims that he now has better "control" over his anger, and how he deals with things.

 

He's snapped at me more than once, and has cussed towards me trying to blame the Phentermine I was taking at that time, saying it made him nervous, because I was snappy (I'm no longer on it).

 

Last night, he yelled at me because I wrote him a long whiny/bitchy email. He said that his wife saw it (because she's doing his taxes so she's in his email account?) and got all pissed off, so she threw his big screen plasma TV out the window after she saw it (they don't live together), and he had to leave work because of it. He said it was "MY fault" that she did that and that "He wanted nothing more to do with me" because of it. He says that he doesn't "trust me" with emails, or phone calls, since I "don't respect" him by letting him get off of the phone when he needs to go.

 

He said the main reason why she freaked out, was because on that email I mentioned to him about him not getting the divorce yet, and it "freaked" her out, because she "didn't" know that he wanted it right now. You see, he's told me MORE than once that he was going to get a divorce from her for OVER A YEAR, but there is always something that comes up, or some reason on why it didn't, or couldn't happen. What gets me is how could she "not" know? He's always claimed that she "knew" about" it..

 

Also, today he removed me from his myspace and said he did it to "shut her up". Then, his wife changed her picture to a picture of them together, and now his myspace is private (he said he put it private to cut down on spam). He told me "Well, you're still on here (yahoo messenger)". "Sorry, she's doing my taxes, I want to make sure I get them back lol".

 

I know I need to stay away from him, that he's toxic?

 

I guess my question here is..Is he being abusive still? or is it all in my head?

 

I guess I can understand why he would get mad, because he says that I'm "overbearing", "clingy", "immature", and emotionally immature". I don't know what to believe really. I mean maybe in some way I'm kind of causing it?

 

I would just like some opinions here, any kind are welcome.

 

Thank you!

[Pyro]

Pretend that its someone else who wrote this out and tell me what you would think. What would you tell this person to do?

[Pyro]

An abuser will tell you that they have changed.

 

A former abuser will show you that they have changed.

[aisuangel]

Pretend that its someone else who wrote this out and tell me what you would think. What would you tell this person to do?

 

I guess I would tell them so stay away from this person? I don't know..

I'm not good with giving advice, so I don't like giving it.

 

Can I have some more advice here? because like I said I don't know if I'm causing it, or thinking it's all in my head..

 

Anyone?

[aisuangel]

An abuser will tell you that they have changed.

 

A former abuser will show you that they have changed.

 

I thought he was showing me for a while, till he went back to the same old thing again. Took him a while..

[Pyro]

You are making yourself out to be a fool. This guy yells at you, treats you like garbage, and won't divorce his wife. You are being used and abused. You need to leave him now!

[Pyro]

I guess I would tell them so stay away from this person? I don't know..

I'm not good with giving advice, so I don't like giving it.

 

Can I have some more advice here? because like I said I don't know if I'm causing it, or thinking it's all in my head..

 

Anyone?

 

Exactly! No human being deserves to be treated like you are being treated.

[aisuangel]

Thanks Pyro.

 

I still don't know though, if like I said this is all in my head, or if it's abuse? I don't know if I'm possibly blowing things out of proportion, or if what I think is correct, which is he's being abusive, playing mind games, and being manipulating.

 

I ask this, because I've been told that I tend to blow things out of proportion so hopefully, here I will have some more people respond and get their thoughs/insight on it..

[aisuangel]

Exactly! No human being deserves to be treated like you are being treated.

 

I know..Thank you for replying.

[aisuangel]

You are making yourself out to be a fool

That's what I feel like..

[Pyro]

Thanks Pyro.

 

I still don't know though, if like I said this is all in my head, or if it's abuse? I don't know if I'm possibly blowing things out of proportion, or if what I think is correct, which is he's being abusive, playing mind games, and being manipulating.

 

I ask this, because I've been told that I tend to blow things out of proportion so hopefully, here I will have some more people respond and get their thoughs/insight on it..

 

We can only go by what you write on here and it looks and sounds like an abuser. I hope that you come to the realization that you don't need this crap and drama that he is feeding you. His W knows about you. Aren't you concerned that one day she is going to track you down?

 

That's what I feel like..

 

Its the truth. Do something about it. Better yourself.

[aisuangel]

Aren't you concerned that one day she is going to track you down?

 

I am, and I'm not. I don't know if you know, but she lives in Virginia, I live way over here in Washington state. Yes I know, it's stupid to be in this drama to begin with since he's long distance.

 

I already wrote about all of it in my previous posts in the links that I provided, I don't know if you read them or not.

[Pyro]

I am, and I'm not. I don't know if you know, but she lives in Virginia, I live way over here in Washington state. Yes I know, it's stupid to be in this drama to begin with since he's long distance.

 

I already wrote about all of it in my previous posts in the links that I provided, I don't know if you read them or not.

 

I'll admit that I haven't, but I don't need to read those to tell you that the situation you are in will not produce positive results. She may be on the other side of the country but I'm sure that you are aware just how emotions can get the best of someone. All it takes is for her to get p*ssed off enough to buy a plane ticket.

 

I wish I could show you just how much better off you and your life will be without being involved in all this crap that you are involved in.

[carhill]

I have a dear friend whom I first met at your age (now). She was married to a man like your MM. She stayed married to him for 20 years. She thought there was something wrong with me because I treated her so nice (I just thought I was "normal"). I think she still thinks that, deep down, she doesn't deserve to be treated nice. Her daughter is your age. I would've given anything to have been a role model for her and her brother instead of that person who left her crying all the time.

 

Please, listen to me. Get away from this person and cease all contact. I don't want to see what happened to her happen to you or anyone. This will kill a part of you, a very important part. Don't let it happen.

[aisuangel]

I have a dear friend whom I first met at your age (now). She was married to a man like your MM. She stayed married to him for 20 years. She thought there was something wrong with me because I treated her so nice (I just thought I was "normal"). I think she still thinks that, deep down, she doesn't deserve to be treated nice. Her daughter is your age. I would've given anything to have been a role model for her and her brother instead of that person who left her crying all the time.

 

Please, listen to me. Get away from this person and cease all contact. I don't want to see what happened to her happen to you or anyone. This will kill a part of you, a very important part. Don't let it happen.

 

Thank you for sharing your story carhill.

 

If you don't mind me asking..what was the end result? is she ok? or still with him?...

[aisuangel]

I'll admit that I haven't, but I don't need to read those to tell you that the situation you are in will not produce positive results. She may be on the other side of the country but I'm sure that you are aware just how emotions can get the best of someone. All it takes is for her to get p*ssed off enough to buy a plane ticket.

 

I wish I could show you just how much better off you and your life will be without being involved in all this crap that you are involved in.

 

I know. I hope she wouldn't do that, that would be stupid to do on her end.

[Pyro]

I know. I hope she wouldn't do that, that would be stupid to do on her end.

 

Thats a chance you shouldn't take. All this stress and verbal abuse that you are going through right now; is it really worth it? A happy and healthy relationship isn't like yours.

 

If that is you in the avatar, I will say that you are a very pretty female and that you can do so much better. Why put up with a married guy who has all this excess baggage and drama?

[aisuangel]

Thats a chance you shouldn't take. All this stress and verbal abuse that you are going through right now; is it really worth it? A happy and healthy relationship isn't like yours.

 

If that is you in the avatar, I will say that you are a very pretty female and that you can do so much better. Why put up with a married guy who has all this excess baggage and drama?

 

No, it's not worth it. I just didn't want to lose the friendship that I had with him (what was of it).

 

Yes thats me in that pic, thank you. I don't know I guess because I'm lonely, and I don't want to lose my frienship with him. I've been friends with him for 5 years. Been with him 2 times relationship wise.

[Pyro]

No, it's not worth it. I just didn't want to lose the friendship that I had with him (what was of it).

 

Yes thats me in that pic, thank you. I don't know I guess because I'm lonely, and I don't want to lose my frienship with him. I've been friends with him for 5 years. Been with him 2 times relationship wise.

 

To get out of this predicament, sacrifices will have to be made I'm afraid. He isn't willing to part ways with her, so why are you doing him any favors?

 

Its better to be out of harms way and keep your sanity, rather then remain "friends" with this guy. Thats funny that you use the word friends. Since when do friends yell at other friends and call them names? he is not a friend.

 

Don't you have friends on your side of the country who you can see and talk to on a daily basis and who don't have a psycho wife who is dangerous to you?

[aisuangel]

To get out of this predicament, sacrifices will have to be made I'm afraid. He isn't willing to part ways with her, so why are you doing him any favors?

 

Its better to be out of harms way and keep your sanity, rather then remain "friends" with this guy. Thats funny that you use the word friends. Since when do friends yell at other friends and call them names? he is not a friend.

 

Don't you have friends on your side of the country who you can see and talk to on a daily basis and who don't have a psycho wife who is dangerous to you?

 

Yes, I do have friends over here.

 

I see what you're saying, and I agree that she's psycho, sometimes I wonder the same about him.

 

Thank you for being so caring, it's just hard to make that cut off. I'm not use to being the one who does that, never have been. I do appreciate all of your kind words though

[Pyro]

Yes, I do have friends over here.

 

I see what you're saying, and I agree that she's psycho, sometimes I wonder the same about him.

 

Thank you for being so caring, it's just hard to make that cut off. I'm not use to being the one who does that, never have been. I do appreciate all of your kind words though

 

Its tough to do the cut off if you have never done it before, but once you truly see just how bad and awful he is treating you and your feelings, then it will be easy for you.

 

For some extra help, read some of the threads in the abuse, coping, and break-up sections here on LS.

 

Thats what I am here for.

[aisuangel]

Its tough to do the cut off if you have never done it before, but once you truly see just how bad and awful he is treating you and your feelings, then it will be easy for you.

 

For some extra help, read some of the threads in the abuse, coping, and break-up sections here on LS.

 

Thats what I am here for.

 

Thanks ^.^ I'll have to look into some of those tonight, and tomorrow. Thanks again, I appreciate it ^.^

[carhill]

Thank you for sharing your story carhill.

 

If you don't mind me asking..what was the end result? is she ok? or still with him?...

She's better, left her husband 9 years ago and their divorce was official two years ago. The guy she's with now is better, but he still makes me grit my teeth. I hear things from her like "convenient relationships" and "inner and outer beauty" (she often doubts she has the former). Even with therapy, I can see the self-doubt in her eyes sometimes and it's very painful for me.

 

This is my message to you: Someday you will meet a man who treats you well and does none of the things I'm reading here. Your job is to recognize that as healthy and that you deserve to be treated like that. Your brain, accustomed to the chemistry of being on the edge (fight or flight), may find this kind of man "boring" but, trust me, it's a much better way of life.

 

Therein lies my disappointment. I think, even if she and I were single, even though there is mutual attraction, the conditioning she's had for years would cause her to find me boring or lacking or her not worthy, obviating an opportunity for a healthy relationship. That's what I don't want to see happen to you.

 

Good luck!

[aisuangel]

She's better, left her husband 9 years ago and their divorce was official two years ago. The guy she's with now is better, but he still makes me grit my teeth. I hear things from her like "convenient relationships" and "inner and outer beauty" (she often doubts she has the former). Even with therapy, I can see the self-doubt in her eyes sometimes and it's very painful for me.

 

This is my message to you: Someday you will meet a man who treats you well and does none of the things I'm reading here. Your job is to recognize that as healthy and that you deserve to be treated like that. Your brain, accustomed to the chemistry of being on the edge (fight or flight), may find this kind of man "boring" but, trust me, it's a much better way of life.

 

Therein lies my disappointment. I think, even if she and I were single, even though there is mutual attraction, the conditioning she's had for years would cause her to find me boring or lacking or her not worthy, obviating an opportunity for a healthy relationship. That's what I don't want to see happen to you.

 

Good luck!

 

 

Thank you for your kind words, and insight carhill. I appreciate it

[carhill]

BTW, I hadn't seen her in 14 years (until last year) and we picked our friendship up right where it had left off, as I had gone what is known here as NC back then so she could figure out her marriage. Technically, as a single guy, I was her EA back then, even though I was still a virgin at that time (the whole waiting for marriage thing...I know, don't laugh )

 

The moral is take care of yourself and don't let anyone else (including society) define who you are.