who moves on faster guy vs girl?

[loveinlife]

just curious. what do you think?

[EnigmaXOXO]

I don’t think it has anything at all to do with a person’s gender. I’ve seen just as many males have trouble with breakups as females. I think it’s the one who gets ‘dumped’ that has the hardest time reconciling that with his/her ego when it comes to letting go and moving on. Simply because they were not as emotionally prepared for the breakup as the one who ended it.

[s_n_d]

Enigma is right.

 

Its NOT about gender.

It IS Dumper Vs. Dumpee.

 

From personal experience, the dumper moves on quicker.

In my last breakup, I was the dumpee. I took it a lot harder and ofcourse he moved on quicker considering he had a new girlfriend less than two months after our breakup.

[blind_otter]

I don't think it depends on who was dumped, or the gender. I think it just depends on the person.

 

I've always been able to move on relatively quickly after the end of any romantic entanglement, at least compared to some of the people I've seen on LS. Even when I was dumped, I was hanging out with another guy who was a FWB after about a month.

 

Of course this may also be due to the fact that I always hold a part of myself away from any relationship I'm in to protect myself. In the past I never let myself get completely invested in any romantic relationship, even when I was married

[Green]

well who the dumper and who the dumpee may be important. And obviously its going to depend on the particular person. But as a gender I feel secure in guessing that men move on faster. Women in my experience are a far more dramatic gender and definetly seem to take more time to move on from a relationship.

[ibitealil]

well who the dumper and who the dumpee may be important. And obviously its going to depend on the particular person. But as a gender I feel secure in guessing that men move on faster. Women in my experience are a far more dramatic gender and definetly seem to take more time to move on from a relationship.[/q

 

 

agree with blind otter.

[CaliGuy]

Women do and I will tell you why.

 

When women make the decision to leave a relationship it's usually after months of agonizing and emotionally distancing themselves from the Ex before they actually pull the trigger. They've talked it over with their family and friends for months. So when the time comes to actually do the deed, their mind is made up and they are 99% sure of their decision.

 

When men end a relationship it's usually spur of the moment without much thought. They don't discuss it with their "guy" friends, they don't consult their family. They do not agonize over the decision and they hardly ever emotionally detach themselves before pulling the trigger. Consequently some time later he'll wonder if he made a mistake, if his choice was rash or realize what he had and that he really screwed up. Or, he may just miss the sex. Either way, I think the odds of a man admitting he screwed up and wanting to try again are about twice as good as a woman (if not more).

 

So when a woman makes the decision to leave, it's usually permanent and they're on to the next relationship, completely detached from their ex (other than on a friendship level).

 

A man will end up dragging it out, swapping back and forth from old love to new, confused about who to be with and not really taking the time to think things through. Men are quick decision makers (right or wrong) who base their decisions more on logic than emotion.

 

Women on the other hand are much more emotional decision makers than men. That is why when a woman emotionally detaches from a man, odds are she isn't coming back. Why? Because she has emotionally attached herself to someone new.

 

It isn't logic that attracts a woman to a man or for the most part even physical attributes. It's how he makes her FEEL that creates attraction.

 

With men, it's usually more physical than emotional which may explain the bouncing around between lovers before finally settling on one, if ever.

 

Sorry if this is long but that's my educated (self, haha) opinion.

[LuCidiTy]

I don't think it depends on who was dumped, or the gender. I think it just depends on the person.

 

 

This about sums it up.

[LuCidiTy]

CaliGuy, what you say makes (mostly) sense...when the woman or the man does the dumping. That seems to be you interpreted and answered the question. I think...lol! But how would you analyze and answer the same situation when the person is the dumpee?

[Kamille]

I think men have a harder time moving on - and I think this is inscribed in the whole dating process: it is mostly men who decide if a relationship will lead to commitment: when a man feels a woman is the "one", I think it feels to him like his whole life just fell into place and he needn't worry about the future. Once they've commited to woman, men stop worrying about the relationship as much (unless a problem actually does surface). They're meant to be together, so the men will give their all, feeling that their effort and love is all that is needed for the relationship to last.

 

Meanwhile, women are much more likely to fret, analyze, and 'sense' when the relationship is in trouble. I think they find it hard, but I've never seen friends as heartbroken - and heartbroken for as long- as my guy friends who lost the woman they thought they would spend their lives with.

[carhill]

Dumper or dumpee, IMO the most emotionally detached (from the relationship) person at the break will be the first to move on, whether to successful single life or to another relationship. I think CaliGuy covered the gender stereotypical interrelation pretty well. I don't fit the stereotype, understand that I am an anomaly and that his shoe doesn't fit me

 

Hence, I'm in agreement with those posters who attribute movement to the specific person.

[Green]

Alot of people dont seem to be answering the question. Obviously the specific situation has to do more with moving on then gender... but if you take a girl who was dumped under similar circumstances to a man... who do you think would move on faster... Obviously only women can be dumped months into a pregnancy

[ninjaturtles]

Women do and I will tell you why.

 

When women make the decision to leave a relationship it's usually after months of agonizing and emotionally distancing themselves from the Ex before they actually pull the trigger. They've talked it over with their family and friends for months. So when the time comes to actually do the deed, their mind is made up and they are 99% sure of their decision.

 

When men end a relationship it's usually spur of the moment without much thought. They don't discuss it with their "guy" friends, they don't consult their family. They do not agonize over the decision and they hardly ever emotionally detach themselves before pulling the trigger. Consequently some time later he'll wonder if he made a mistake, if his choice was rash or realize what he had and that he really screwed up. Or, he may just miss the sex. Either way, I think the odds of a man admitting he screwed up and wanting to try again are about twice as good as a woman (if not more).

 

So when a woman makes the decision to leave, it's usually permanent and they're on to the next relationship, completely detached from their ex (other than on a friendship level).

 

A man will end up dragging it out, swapping back and forth from old love to new, confused about who to be with and not really taking the time to think things through. Men are quick decision makers (right or wrong) who base their decisions more on logic than emotion.

 

Women on the other hand are much more emotional decision makers than men. That is why when a woman emotionally detaches from a man, odds are she isn't coming back. Why? Because she has emotionally attached herself to someone new.

 

It isn't logic that attracts a woman to a man or for the most part even physical attributes. It's how he makes her FEEL that creates attraction.

 

With men, it's usually more physical than emotional which may explain the bouncing around between lovers before finally settling on one, if ever.

 

Sorry if this is long but that's my educated (self, haha) opinion.

 

 

 

 

Being a female, I must admit that this pattern is EXACTLY they way things have occured. Not just in my life, but also from observation of what goes on in the lives of my friends and family members.

Caliguy, where did you get this theory from? An expert, a book...?

 

Back to the question, I think women are much more emotional than men. This is why a lot of them would not leave a relationship, except for sound reasons. It also depends on who ended the relationship. If a woman was dumped, then she would most likely take a longer time to move on. However, if she meets someone else along the way, she may well fall very deeply for the person and actually not look back. This is when the male dumper realises what he lost and tried to pursue the woman who is no longer emotionally attached to the man.

 

I think you need to look at every situation in context. I would say the female sex is weaker, a lot of the time. However, other time, the man may take longer to get over the woman (if he was dumped). The man may find it hard to actually love another woman, even if he is sorrounded with beautiful ladies. Whereas, the dumped woman, may find it less hard to move on once she has met someone.

 

It all depends and sometimes it is very contradictory. This is because even though women are classified as the weaker sex, a lot of the time, men find it hard to love another woman the same way they loved a particular ex. Whereas, a woman may well forget about the man who dumped her, or the man she dumped when she find a new partner.

 

It's weird. In summary, I think initially, the woman takes a longer time to move on. This is because of her emotional attachment. However, once she meets someone else she grows to love, many women will never look back. (Except they are dumped and maybe lonely..lol).

 

However, with men... at the initial stages, it takes a shorter time to get over the woman (if he dumped her i.e). However, with time he may find himself thinking about her and wanting her again. He may then go back to pursue her, whereas at that point she has cut all emotional ties.

 

Sorry for the ramble. It is confusing,

[sedgwick]

I used to not believe this, but my recent ex convinced me that men can be totally in love one day and wake up the next morning having completely fallen out of love. I think he flitted away after the breakup without a care in the world. I don't believe that I will ever trust another man. I just don't think they're capable of feeling anything as deeply as women. Or maybe it's just that I don't inspire that kind of deep feeling -- that's probably the more likely case!

[sumdude]

It depends on the individual but in a way women have a slight advantage at least from my perspective. Take a woman and man who have both been dumped and are possibly dealing with self esteem issues. Say they are both equally attractive and relativly young (under 40). The attractive woman is likely to get hit on and find interest pretty quickly. The guy on the other hand has to rebuild his self esteem and confidence to be able to get back to approaching women again. In fact the after divorce suicide rate for men is much higher than for women.

[Kamille]

It depends on the individual but in a way women have a slight advantage at least from my perspective. Take a woman and man who have both been dumped and are possibly dealing with self esteem issues. Say they are both equally attractive and relativly young (under 40). The attractive woman is likely to get hit on and find interest pretty quickly. The guy on the other hand has to rebuild his self esteem and confidence to be able to get back to approaching women again. In fact the after divorce suicide rate for men is much higher than for women.

 

Not to mention a lot of women are more likely to be receptive to the 'support system' that kicks in after a break up. I don't know how it happens between guys after a break up, but I know that my women friends are always the ones to offer a shoulder to cry on, and an unfatiguable ear to vent in. Guy friends just usually tell me to move on, or avoid the topic altogether.

[xpaperxcutx]

I think it really depends on the nature of the break up and the amount of emotional attachment placed into the relationship. But there's really no right or wrong or any specific reason to fully explain how someone can move on that quickly.

 

And I do agree with the other posters that women do tend to move on faster once they find someone else to invest their time in.

[sumdude]

Not to mention a lot of women are more likely to be receptive to the 'support system' that kicks in after a break up. I don't know how it happens between guys after a break up, but I know that my women friends are always the ones to offer a shoulder to cry on, and an unfatiguable ear to vent in. Guy friends just usually tell me to move on, or avoid the topic altogether.

 

Other than a couple really good freinds and some good p[eople on LS I can attest to this in general. A lot of the attitude a man gives another man is often along the lines of " Get over it already, I'm tired of seeing you moping." My married friends didn't like to hear much about the divorce at all. Probably because it may shed light on fears about thier own marriage or break the spell of how nice it would be to be single again for them. For most people the easiest thing to say is " You're better off without her anyway." as if that answers anything and makes you feel at all better... which it really doesn't.. whether it's true at all ot not.

[CaliGuy]

CaliGuy, what you say makes (mostly) sense...when the woman or the man does the dumping. That seems to be you interpreted and answered the question. I think...lol! But how would you analyze and answer the same situation when the person is the dumpee?

 

On the dumpee side it just depends on how emotionally entrenched one is. The deeper in love you are, the longer it takes to dig yourself back up out of the hole.

 

Men "appear" to emotionally detach easier but I don't think that's the case. I think they're just better at masking the pain.

[CaliGuy]

Being a female, I must admit that this pattern is EXACTLY they way things have occured. Not just in my life, but also from observation of what goes on in the lives of my friends and family members.

Caliguy, where did you get this theory from? An expert, a book...?

 

Observation and life in general. Things I have experienced on my own and things I have witnessed here on LS. Being a man I understand how men grieve. I've been the dumper and the dumpee so I got to see both sides of the coin a little more than I would have preferred.

[Trialbyfire]

I think most men pretend they move on faster because many use rebounds. Of what I've noticed though, in reality, men seem to take much, much longer.

[loveinlife]

to me some how i think women rebound faster than men. However like Cali said, i agree with him that it depends on how much the person loves the other partner.

[LuCidiTy]

 

And I do agree with the other posters that women do tend to move on faster once they find someone else to invest their time in.

 

and sometimes even if they don't.

 

frankly, this statement offends me on some level (and I know you weren't the first or only one to say it and were just expounding on other posts!) because it implies that a woman doesn't move on if she doesn't find someone else. and that's simply not true.

 

and in fact, i think men are FAR more apt to kill the pain of a breakup by either hooking up or getting involved quickly than a woman is. most often even before the break.

[LuCidiTy]

I think most men pretend they move on faster because many use rebounds. Of what I've noticed though, in reality, men seem to take much, much longer.

 

okay...so maybe it's pretend. (relative to what i just said.) but i'll tell ya...i've never seen any outward signs of men taking longer.

[LuCidiTy]

On the dumpee side it just depends on how emotionally entrenched one is. The deeper in love you are, the longer it takes to dig yourself back up out of the hole.

 

Men "appear" to emotionally detach easier but I don't think that's the case. I think they're just better at masking the pain.

 

this'll teach me to read backward. i guess i have to trust you on this one, because, again, i've never seen any outward signs of this...the masking must work well.