Trialbyfire Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 okay...so maybe it's pretend. (relative to what i just said.) but i'll tell ya...i've never seen any outward signs of men taking longer. You know it when they keep coming back. Also, watching and sometimes being the shoulder for male friends has given me this perspective. Due to primarily pride/ego issues, the key phrase appears to be "I don't need her.", so they find a rebound. The sad part is that the rebound is usually the one who has to take the anger, from the previous relationship, and more often than not, gets left behind. Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 and sometimes even if they don't. frankly, this statement offends me on some level (and I know you weren't the first or only one to say it and were just expounding on other posts!) because it implies that a woman doesn't move on if she doesn't find someone else. and that's simply not true. and in fact, i think men are FAR more apt to kill the pain of a breakup by either hooking up or getting involved quickly than a woman is. most often even before the break. Spend enough time on the Divorce forum and you'll find the ratio of women leaving their husbands for other men is higher than the other way around. May not be the best sample but it's pretty obvious. Link to post Share on other sites
LuCidiTy Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 ah but that still doesn't mean they don't get over it without finding or until they find another man. i still think it has more to do with maturity, understanding, and acceptance than other people. and if it doesn't...well that's a sad statement in and of itself. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 Spend enough time on the Divorce forum and you'll find the ratio of women leaving their husbands for other men is higher than the other way around. May not be the best sample but it's pretty obvious. sumdude, to expand on this, I guess this means that women get divorced and men cheat, when they find someone to bridge with? I can only draw this conclusion by counting the number of OWs v. OMs on this site. Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 sumdude, to expand on this, I guess this means that women get divorced and men cheat, when they find someone to bridge with? I can only draw this conclusion by counting the number of OWs v. OMs on this site. hmm.. interesting point. Perhaps a man is slightly more likely to keep the marriage as well as an OW wheras a woman will be more likely to leave the marriage for OM? Link to post Share on other sites
LuCidiTy Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 or perhaps women just make decisions or commitments and carry them through Link to post Share on other sites
Shindig Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 I think that when both parties are nearly equally involved women move on faster than men. Women tend to have better support networks than men. Men often internalize issues instead of working through them. Men also seem to have bigger issues with the idea of a former lover being physically intimate with another man. Women (for once) seem to distinguish between emotional and sexual intimacy post breakup. Obviously every situation if different but this is an opinion piece... Link to post Share on other sites
MalachiX Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 Well, first of all I'm totally speaking in generalizations which are, of course, totally unfair so I apologize if I offend anyone as there are countless exceptions to every rule. In general, I'd say the woman moves on faster for a number of reasons. The first is that, in more cases I've seen, she tends to initiate the break up (once again, sorry for the generalization; it's just what I've seen). It's not because she's mean or heartless or anything; in fact it's usually men who decide to "trade up" and run off with a new girl. It's because, assuming the guy isn't the cheating variety, the male mindset often is that once they've found someone they're compatible with; they never want to have to deal with the mess that is dating ever again. It's kind of like that line in The Departed. Matt Damon says to his girlfriend, "If this isn't gonna work you have to be the one to get out because I'm Irish and we'll try to fix something for the rest of our lives." I think that you can replace "Irish" with just "a man" in most cases (once again, unless they're of the cheating variety). The woman often HAS to be the one to decide it's not working and thus, as the dumper, it's going to be less time for her to recover. Cali is also right on the money in that women are much more emotionally intelligent and they think through what they're doing very seriously. Finally, and once again I hate to sound sexist, it's easier for a woman to meet someone which everybody tells me speeds up the recovery process. Typically in dating, men are the predators. They have to initiate things and, if you're feeling down and out because of a break-up, that just isn't gonna happen. A woman, on the other hand, can show up at a club or bar and get offered dates. She may not find the guy of her dreams but at least she'll know there are people who are interested and life goes on. Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 Well, first of all I'm totally speaking in generalizations which are, of course, totally unfair so I apologize if I offend anyone as there are countless exceptions to every rule. In general, I'd say the woman moves on faster for a number of reasons. The first is that, in more cases I've seen, she tends to initiate the break up (once again, sorry for the generalization; it's just what I've seen). It's not because she's mean or heartless or anything; in fact it's usually men who decide to "trade up" and run off with a new girl. It's because, assuming the guy isn't the cheating variety, the male mindset often is that once they've found someone they're compatible with; they never want to have to deal with the mess that is dating ever again. It's kind of like that line in The Departed. Matt Damon says to his girlfriend, "If this isn't gonna work you have to be the one to get out because I'm Irish and we'll try to fix something for the rest of our lives." I think that you can replace "Irish" with just "a man" in most cases (once again, unless they're of the cheating variety). The woman often HAS to be the one to decide it's not working and thus, as the dumper, it's going to be less time for her to recover. Cali is also right on the money in that women are much more emotionally intelligent and they think through what they're doing very seriously. Finally, and once again I hate to sound sexist, it's easier for a woman to meet someone which everybody tells me speeds up the recovery process. Typically in dating, men are the predators. They have to initiate things and, if you're feeling down and out because of a break-up, that just isn't gonna happen. A woman, on the other hand, can show up at a club or bar and get offered dates. She may not find the guy of her dreams but at least she'll know there are people who are interested and life goes on. All other things being equal, dumper/dumpee etc. I'd say that's pretty much how I see it too. LOL love the quote too. that really describes me.. Link to post Share on other sites
Shindig Posted March 19, 2008 Share Posted March 19, 2008 Totally agree. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 19, 2008 Share Posted March 19, 2008 Well, first of all I'm totally speaking in generalizations which are, of course, totally unfair so I apologize if I offend anyone as there are countless exceptions to every rule. In general, I'd say the woman moves on faster for a number of reasons. The first is that, in more cases I've seen, she tends to initiate the break up (once again, sorry for the generalization; it's just what I've seen). It's not because she's mean or heartless or anything; in fact it's usually men who decide to "trade up" and run off with a new girl. It's because, assuming the guy isn't the cheating variety, the male mindset often is that once they've found someone they're compatible with; they never want to have to deal with the mess that is dating ever again. It's kind of like that line in The Departed. Matt Damon says to his girlfriend, "If this isn't gonna work you have to be the one to get out because I'm Irish and we'll try to fix something for the rest of our lives." I think that you can replace "Irish" with just "a man" in most cases (once again, unless they're of the cheating variety). The woman often HAS to be the one to decide it's not working and thus, as the dumper, it's going to be less time for her to recover. Cali is also right on the money in that women are much more emotionally intelligent and they think through what they're doing very seriously. Finally, and once again I hate to sound sexist, it's easier for a woman to meet someone which everybody tells me speeds up the recovery process. Typically in dating, men are the predators. They have to initiate things and, if you're feeling down and out because of a break-up, that just isn't gonna happen. A woman, on the other hand, can show up at a club or bar and get offered dates. She may not find the guy of her dreams but at least she'll know there are people who are interested and life goes on. I agree with this too. Well said. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted March 19, 2008 Share Posted March 19, 2008 The guys move on faster. They are usually the most devastated with a break up. I love that girl sooo much! I'd do anything for her! I'd give her everything, etc. But since guys don't like to be alone for too long and are not prone to long lived obessions. And, because of the fact that guys are not picky with girls. Just pretty girl that can talk will do... In a couple months they are in love again. Of course there are exceptions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author loveinlife Posted March 19, 2008 Author Share Posted March 19, 2008 The guys move on faster. They are usually the most devastated with a break up. I love that girl sooo much! I'd do anything for her! I'd give her everything, etc. But since guys don't like to be alone for too long and are not prone to long lived obessions. And, because of the fact that guys are not picky with girls. Just pretty girl that can talk will do... In a couple months they are in love again. Of course there are exceptions. That is so true for me right now. But i had this obsession for almost 2 years with my ex. took me that long to get myself back and finally know that i can live without her. but meeting a new girl does help( it draws the attention away and see that the world has lots of good girls), not like the ex who hurt us. since my last ex, i met 4 cool girls and 3 non cool girls, 2 out of these 7 were really good looking, i realized its their personality that counts the most. Nothing wrong with a sweet nice girl. =) anyone is a sweet nice girl? hehe Link to post Share on other sites
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