Women, would you be upset with an inexpensive ring?

[lexi29]

For any of the female posters,, would you be upset with a very inexpensive engagement ring? First off, let me say that I'm NOT upset and this didn't bother me but several of my female friends (married and not not married) have expressed that they feel it was wrong of my fiance to do this. The ring he got me was from a chain jewelry store. It is a single stone and 1/5 ct diamond. It is very small and "cute" is the only way to describe it. Now I've been engaged before and the ring was gorgeous 1.5 ct that cost about $2000. however obviously that relationship didn't last. Also that bf put the ring on credit and paid it off.

 

I love my fiance and know he doesn't have a lot of money. He works a $12 hr job and has a son who lives with him and gets no child support. He has his rent payment and car payment and insurance and groceries and other bills. He has NO credit cards. He did get a large tax return this year (4000 dollars) and he used part of that to buy the ring. The ring cost only $300. He basically as my friends put it, picked out the cheapest engagement ring that the store sold. My argument is that it is a real diamond and he didn't buy it from Wal-mart or something ha ha. I should point out that my fiance basically lived his whole life in poverty (his parents both work $7 hr jobs or so.)

 

I'm not concerned about the ring, because its HIM that I love (and his son) so its not like I have to love the ring. I just love the idea that we will be married and I'm excited about that fact. Most of my friends who are married have gorgeous rings that their husbands saved up for or paid off on credit. One has cubic zirconia that looks very real. Yes, I am not crazy about my ring, but I like what it represents. I told my fiance it is very pretty and delicate (which it is) and while I"m not jumping up and down to show it off (mostly because of people's reactions) I do want everyone to know we are getting married. My sister's reaction was probably the worst. she has a beautiful platinum ring (that her husband is probably still paying for!) and she said that my fiance didn't put much thought into it and just bought the cheapest thing he could find. In an ideal world I would have loved to pick out my own ring (I love white gold and three stone rings and you can get those for not much more than my fiance paid) but hey its him I love not the jewelry he buys me. Its just a symbol.

 

is there anyone here who would be upset with the most inexpensive ring in the store?

[Kasan]

I wouldn't be upset in the least....I never received an engagement ring until my 25th wedding anniversary, and it was definitely worth the wait.

 

Someone will always have the bigger ring, bigger house, nicer car, but in the end, all that matters is the commitment that both of you make to each other.

 

I wish you many years of happiness!

[Citizen Erased]

I hate to say it, but I probably would be. Not because of the amount of money itself, but because of the quality of a $300 ring in comparison to a $2000 ring. A piece of jewelery you will wear every day for the rest of your life needs to go the distance. I also think it should be something which should be bought together.

 

But I think we would both agree that your relationship is worth far more then a ring. I am rather surprised that people have said such harsh things. If I were you I'd let them know their opinions are not appreciated

[Raiatea]

Like you said, its what the ring represents rather than it's value.

 

If the gesture truly came from the heart, that is worth more than an expensive ring bought to pacify a materialistic woman.

[allina]

I wouldn't be upset, I actually prefer a less expensive ring. I would be concerned about marrying a man that makes only $12/hr though. Not because I want a man's money but I would feel scared that all the financial responsibilities and emergencies would fall on me. So I guess I want a cheap ring, but from a man that could afford a more expensive one

[Ariadne]

Well,

 

The truth is you just hate that ring.

 

All you did in that post was to justify it.

 

And I agree with you that you can buy really stunning rings for about that much.

 

I think I'd rather have a ring I'm happy with if I'm going to wear it all the time.

 

You might end up resenting him for that ring because you are not happy about it.

[curiousnycgirl]

I have two positions on this topis. The primary position is that the ring is not important, and I don't need one. What is important is finding the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, who wants the same with me (that appears to be the issue I am having).

 

Having said all that - I have big fingers, so a "delicate" (I like that adjective, much better than small - thx!) ring will not look good. I do not want a ring that will not look good - it would be a waste of money. So if my fiance could not afford a ring then I would prefer he not buy one.

 

Does that make sense?

[MakeLemonade]

I don't even have an engagement ring, I have a nice wedding band with decent sized diamonds & rubies in it. It cost about $800 I think, but my hubby's mom works at a jeweler so probably would have been more.

 

If you don't like the ring, he should take it back and you can put the money into getting a nicer wedding band when the time comes. People used to get engaged all the time without having to have some giant rock on their finger.

 

There is no point in having a ring you don't like, especially when it sounds like your fiancee would rather you have said let's skip it. Hence buying the least expensive ring they had.

 

Really, I have been engaged before and had a big engagement ring, they get caught on stuff and are a pain in the a$$. The stones in my band are invisible set, it's flat and smooth on top, I can do everything with it on, the only time I take it off is to put lotion on. Literally.

 

The marriage is what counts and I know you love your fiancee and his son. That should be cause for celebration enough - don't let other people's expectations of being engaged (having a ring) sway what you think you should do.

[Kamille]

I wouldn't mind. I like a man who takes financial responsibilities seriously and doesn't buy on credit.

[melodicmaybe]

I wouldn't be. So, no, you're crazy. lol

 

In fact, if I had to pick I'd actually prefer an inexpensive ring. There are more important things we could spend the money on. Besides, the ring is a symbol for the connection between your hearts and minds -- not your joint banks accounts.

 

I think sometimes people get really caught up in how gestures like that "should be" because of the way they're presented to us by the media and popular culture. We buy into this romantic balogna and then get disappointed when real life doesn't feel like a movie.

 

So the important thing really is that you're happy with it. And you are. So everyone who's telling you not to be can all go take a flying leap. ^_^

[Ariadne]

My argument is that it is a real diamond and he didn't buy it from Wal-mart or something ha ha.

 

Actually, I'd be happy with some of the engagement rings from walmart for about the same money your bf spent.

 

Some are really cute and fancy: (pics)

 

Of course, I don't have anyone to give me any rings so dream on, but I've looked at them at times.

[SeraBella]

You could always buy/have a wrap made as your wedding band that will have a stone on each side. That way you can have the three stone look once you are married.

[Aloros]

Nope. I'd be upset if he bought me an expensive ring. Both my fiance and I make decent money, but I'd much rather that cash go toward our downpayment, our wedding, or my stepson-to-be's possible college fund, depending on his grades! It's all about priorities.

 

When we decided that he would get me my own ring (originally were going to use family heirloom), I went ahead and picked out the stone I wanted, the setting, and let him take care of the rest. I went with a .63 ct flawless, all-natural and untreated white sapphire in a replica Tiffany white gold setting. I get compliments on it and it distracts me while I drive . Cost? <$500.

 

They say it's the thought that counts. He bought you a ring! He wants to spend the rest of his life with you! Your friends are rude for even bringing up the ring. What about his proposal? What wasn't heartfelt about that?

 

On the other hand, I'd have been upset if my fiance had bought a ring without consulting me. We both acknowledge that I am better at doing research and finding the best bang for my buck. I'd hate to have ended up with something of lower quality that he'd spent MORE money on.

[lexi29]

I wouldn't be upset, I actually prefer a less expensive ring. I would be concerned about marrying a man that makes only $12/hr though. Not because I want a man's money but I would feel scared that all the financial responsibilities and emergencies would fall on me. So I guess I want a cheap ring, but from a man that could afford a more expensive one

 

 

Well we live in a small-town area where there aren't many jobs. Most people are making about $8 hr in non-professional jobs. My aunt has been a teacher for almost 30 years here in she only makes about $38,000 yr!! Nurses here make $14-$20 hr. Another aunt has been an RN for almost 20 yrs and she moved to Vegas about twelve years ago and was making over $50 hr as an RN. SHe recently moved back here and found that she can only make about $20 hr here in that same job (and most hospitals here only have part time openings to start!) I don't make much more money than my fiance and I have a bachelors degree. I do have excellent health insurance though and so does he so that helps. At what I make I can take care of myself, I have 2 cars (one paid off) and one that I bought new a year ago and pay my rent (have a roommate) and all my bills and all that. My fiance so far has taken care of him and his son without government assistance or child support or anything. He just paid off his truck (with his tax return money) and paid three months of his rent. So right now all his bills are just utilitites and groceries and car insurance. So I'm not too worried.

 

My ex fiance works in a $90,000 yr job. Now he was just starting this job a few years after we started dating (he was in college when we started dating) and didn't make nearly that much money but I knew he would someday. Am I sorry I'm not with him because he makes decent money? Nope not at all. I still talk to him sometimes and he has a nice house (I've seen pictures) and three vehicles and is still single and all he does is complain about how he never has any money.

 

As far as the ring is concerned, no, its not my favorite. Even if it cost $3000 instead of 300 I wouldn't have chosen it for myself. I was just suprised by the reactions of some of my friends and family members.

[curiousnycgirl]

As far as the ring is concerned, no, its not my favorite. Even if it cost $3000 instead of 300 I wouldn't have chosen it for myself. I was just suprised by the reactions of some of my friends and family members.

 

You attitude is right, frankly the people who gave negative reactions are simply rude!

[hotgurl]

to be frank I would be mad if my fiance got me a cheap ring. But that is because he can afford a more expensive ring.

 

In your situation no It would not bother me. Plus later on if you want you can save for an anniversary ring. A lot of people do that because they can't afford a huge ring at the start of thier marriage.

 

Actaully my ring is custom made I take the stone from my grandmother's ring and had it palce in a custom setting. So it cost 1/4 of what we would have paid but it was not cheap.

[Star Gazer]

I wouldn't be upset, I actually prefer a less expensive ring. I would be concerned about marrying a man that makes only $12/hr though. Not because I want a man's money but I would feel scared that all the financial responsibilities and emergencies would fall on me. So I guess I want a cheap ring, but from a man that could afford a more expensive one

 

I agree with this - I want a man who can afford a more expensive ring, but I actually want a less expensive (yet still big and gorgeous) ring. I want a large-ish cultured/synthetic diamond - it's a REAL diamond, not a CZ or moissanite, it's just man-made (I'm concerned about conflict diamonds and also don't see the point in spending that much money on a rock when the very same thing can be found for pennies on the dollar). You can get a 1.5 or 2 carat loose diamond for around $500-800 dollars and stick it in a pretty setting for a ring that costs around $1,200-1,500 or so. The same mined diamond would run around $15-30,000 depending on quality. That's quite a savings.

 

For me, I just want a really pretty ring - and to me, a 1.5 carat is ideal. It's my hope that someday when my dream man proposes that he will know and understand this and follow through with my wishes.

 

But honestly, I'd be most concerned about marrying a man who makes $12/hr.

[Trialbyfire]

The ring itself should be something you like, since you have to wear it daily. If it's not, you can have it reset.

 

No one likes a cheap man. If he can afford it, he should shell out. Same goes for you, as a woman. There's nothing wrong and everything right about shelling out a reciprocating engagement gift.

 

Regardless of what your b/f makes, if he's getting himself deeper in debt, by splurging on himself consistently, it makes a cheap ring even worse. If he isn't and has difficulty making ends meet, a cracker jack box ring can be the most prized possession you own.

[curiousnycgirl]

I want a large-ish cultured/synthetic diamond - it's a REAL diamond, not a CZ or moissanite, it's just man-made (I'm concerned about conflict diamonds and also don't see the point in spending that much money on a rock when the very same thing can be found for pennies on the dollar). You can get a 1.5 or 2 carat loose diamond for around $500-800 dollars and stick it in a pretty setting for a ring that costs around $1,200-1,500 or so. The same mined diamond would run around $15-30,000 depending on quality. That's quite a savings.

 

 

Where does one find these? From another thread I thought they all pretty much were CZ's

[carhill]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synthetic_diamond

 

There's a forum I've been a longtime member of where such is discussed, including sources. Google "diamondtalk"

 

My wife had the right idea. She got me a 49.95 gold band on eBay

Edited March 14, 2008 by carhill

[Star Gazer]

Where does one find these? From another thread I thought they all pretty much were CZ's

 

They're not. They are REAL diamonds that are made in a machine - same exact process for creating a diamond, it's just sped up about 15,000x as fast.

 

Here's some info I found:

 

Diamond Nexus

Diamond Nexus gemstones are the result of a fairly new scientific advancement in processing technique, and have only recently been available in the United States.

 

Diamond Nexus gemstones are excellent diamond simulants and come very close to matching the properties of mined diamonds at many different comparison points. They cut glass, being virtually identical to diamond on the Mohs (hardness) scale. They refract perfect “hearts and arrows” and have radiance and brilliance readings extremely close to flawless diamond.

 

Best of all, they are currently introductory priced for the U.S. market, and are a steal at $79 per carat.

 

Diamond Nexus is only available from Diamond Nexus Labs at: http://www.DiamondNexusLabs.com

 

(A friend of mine has a ring set with one of their loose diamonds, and her jeweler could not tell that it was a man-made diamond!!!)

 

There's also Gemisis Diamonds, but they haven't been able to figure out a way to make white/colorless diamonds. But if you want pink or something, they're the way to go!!

[SimpleyMe]

I would not be upset with a inexpensive ring at all,in fact the first ring my H gave me was I guess I would say cheap.

 

One year later he surprised me with a beautiful very expensive ring,and to tell you the truth I have only put it on my finger 3 times.

 

I love my cheap ring that was the first ring he gave,I could care less about the cost of it.

 

I love it because it has more meaning to me.

 

I did not care what my friends or family member's thought about my ring.

[Habibti]

I agree, I think deep down the thoughts your friends and family have about the ring you share. I think you are feeling badly that it was cheap and feel yourself that he "just found the cheapest thing available". I think you are trying hard to be a good sport and not have such feelings about it because you really dislike it but I can guarantee you trying to be happy and like something you don't will only make it harder to like.

 

That being said, your friends and family don't have to be so rude! Just because it was cheap doesn't mean it wasn't well thought out. Who's to say your sisters husband didn't just find the most expensive one in the store and tell the jewler to plop it on in the box? Just because a ring is expensive doesn't mean someone put a whole hell of a lot of thought into it either. It's merely a simple implication that isn't always accurate.

 

Anyhow, sadly in America we get really pre-occupied with material posessions. For some odd reason we want a bigger house and better car than our neighbor, we want that put on display so we can be the envy of the town because we are just so damn happy with all our nice pretty things, we view nice and expensive things as a positive extension of ourselves. Somehow money gives us kinder hearts, more patience and makes us a more humble breed of being. AS IF ;-).

 

 

Money will always make things financially easier but it won't make a good relationship. There are people who never have to think about money, they still don't have good marriages. We need to stop putting money on a pedastol- it isn't a sign of how much a man and woman love eachother and the way your sister and friends/family act make it seem like it is.

[Kasan]

says that the average size for a diamond engagement ring is approximately one-third of a carat.

 

http:///engagementrings.lovetoknow.com/wiki/Diamond_Carats

Edited March 14, 2008 by Kasan

[hotgurl]

They're not. They are REAL diamonds that are made in a machine - same exact process for creating a diamond, it's just sped up about 15,000x as fast.

 

Here's some info I found:

 

Diamond Nexus

Diamond Nexus gemstones are the result of a fairly new scientific advancement in processing technique, and have only recently been available in the United States.

 

Diamond Nexus gemstones are excellent diamond simulants and come very close to matching the properties of mined diamonds at many different comparison points. They cut glass, being virtually identical to diamond on the Mohs (hardness) scale. They refract perfect “hearts and arrows” and have radiance and brilliance readings extremely close to flawless diamond.

 

Best of all, they are currently introductory priced for the U.S. market, and are a steal at $79 per carat.

 

Diamond Nexus is only available from Diamond Nexus Labs at: http://www.DiamondNexusLabs.com

 

(A friend of mine has a ring set with one of their loose diamonds, and her jeweler could not tell that it was a man-made diamond!!!)

 

There's also Gemisis Diamonds, but they haven't been able to figure out a way to make white/colorless diamonds. But if you want pink or something, they're the way to go!!

 

so the diffference between this and a real diamond would be similar to the difference between a fresh water pearl and a pearl.

 

or a man made sapphire and a real one.