Dif' take, gf abused me...

[Tadd45]

I have been out of my relationship w/ a woman who abused me for 2 months now..... She abused me mentally all the time, and then the last straw was when she physically abused me, and I ended up having to get 10 stitches above my eye.... We went out w/ another couple for a Red Sox game and we had some beers... Then the other couple decides that they want to go to a gentlemans establishment, at first I say no b/c my ex was beyond jealous, but then my girl said that we would both have fun.... Now this is out of character for me to even go w/ my guy friends, but I go... Well she gets jealous after a few minutes of me looking around, and she was as well.. She says some horrible things to me, so I decided to leave and wait outside... She storms outside and proceeds to punch me in the arms and face area, claiming that I wasn't going to leave her there w/ her friends, that it was rude and inconsiderate.. Then I decide to walk away and sit on the curb to get away from her, and she runs over and kicks me in the face, leaving a gash about 3 inches long on my forehead... I have never had this happen before w/ a woman, and I cannot even stand to think of her anymore, just typing this is making me so angry at her... Was I wrong to up and leave after her commments? I question this incident till this day, was it my fault..?? This happened a little over 2 months ago, and I am scared that I can never trust woman again... She hurt me in so many ways, I feel its un-repairable...Is it possible to bulid up trust again?

 

Her parents were abusive to each other throughout her childhood, and were also alcohol and drug abusers... and I feel that she thinks this is the way to live?>??

[quankanne]

No, you weren't wrong to leave after she made those remarks, because I think you showed a remarkable amount of restraint and control in that situation. Some people (men or women) lash out first and think about their actions later!

 

I don't think you can be faulted for her decision to physically abuse you, or emotionally abuse you, at that. We've all got free will and it is solely our decision on how we exercise it. She chose to strike you, you chose to walk away, you chose to end the relationship. Even though these actions took place in the same "forum," if you will, they were INDEPENDENT decisions. You cannot make someone do something, they chose to do it on their own (thus the adage, 'you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.' or 'don't try to teach a pig to sing -- it sounds bad and it annoys the pig.') Each person is responsible for his/her own behavior, which is basically a decision on how to react to a particular situation. Period.

 

Frankly, it'll be hard to trust someone with your heart again, but the good news is, not all women are like your ex. There are GOOD women out there, who aren't into self-abuse or partner-abuse, but who have a good, healthy sense of self-esteem and who are able to treat those around them with respect. The trick is to avoid hags like the one you just broke up with and find a woman who is a good person. They're out there, waiting to be loved and appreciated, and yes, with someone like this, you can build up trust again.

 

Her parents were abusive to each other throughout her childhood, and were also alcohol and drug abusers... and I feel that she thinks this is the way to live?

 

that is probably true, in her particular case, but again, it all goes back to the decisions she's made. While abuse was something she grew up with, there was nothing there that MADE her chose to keep that cycle going -- except the decision to be abusive herself. There are so many stories about people who overcome the hardships of the environment around them, of personal problems, even physical problems, because they want to be better people. What's the name of the movie that Denzel Washington made a year or so ago, the one where he's a naval psychologist who works with a patient to overcome all the crap he'd encountered in his life? It's based on a true story of a man who succeeded against all odds. People can change, but they have to be committed to doing so. Sounds like your ex was perfectly happy to wallow in the cycle of abuse that she grew up in, and you made a very smart move to stay out of it.

[moimeme]

Please go to counselling and get help. These situations can wound you in ways you won't even realize. I had to end a relationship with a man who had been abused. He had HUGE issues which were obviously linked to the abuse. He was forever fighting being 'controlled' - but, to him, me asking him to pick up his garbage was being 'controlling'. He had become hypersensitized to any potential for control. It's a form of PTSD and can really wreck your future relationships.

 

So even if you don't think you were affected, PLEASE seek counselling for the sake of your future partners.