What's she really feeling/thinking?

[Duvet]

Hello all, I'll try to keep this as brief as I can; be warned - it's a touch weird in places :-)

 

So, I have a very close friend, soul mate, same age as me, she calls every day, always hang out, etc; I've been in love with her for ages and she knows. She has a long term bf (5yrs) who she committed to very deeply at the start and with whom I think she's content/safe but not deleriously happy. Last year she seemed pretty flirty, but when officially discussed said the thought had crossed her mind, but she's attached so can only be friends. A month later, one day, watching a flick, she put her legs in my lap, I instinctively caressed her feet and lower legs; this happened several more times in the following weeks and I just ran with it, then she started to be less willing, before one day reacting really badly to me reaching out and touching her leg; she squirmed away and said "no". Later she said it would hurt her bf and she didn't want to do it anymore. OK, I didn't fully understand, but obviously respected her wishes. I tried to adjust myself back to accepting purely friend zone, though couldn't really stop how I felt and there still seemed a flirty edge to the friendship.

 

Fast forward a couple of months and the legs at movie time are back; I've just gone along with it without questioning the change of heart or relevance, but rather assuming it's more for my benefit than hers. She's also been increasingly touchy-feely; hugs, little pats, tickles and touches as well as more pet names teasing and play-hitting. Then a few days ago when she was visiting the dvd player broke; I was a bit sulky as I love just sitting and holding her, and movie time is the unwritten excuse for doing so. To my surprise she made a big fuss, said awww poor *petname* hugged me all over the place, said she was disappointed too and would bring her dvd next week so we could 'snuggle up' to a movie. Pretty contrasting to her position two months ago when she was squirming away:confused:

 

So, can some clever, experienced ladies PLEASE tell me what's going on inside her head? Is she a) showing false affection just to keep me happy, or b) is the affection genuine but being kept on a leash by her circumstances?

 

I know I'm probably being sad and pathetic and should go look elsewhere, but I love the d*mn woman and she's not making it easy :-(

 

Thank you, anyone.