This forum is my last hope!

[Sadne55]

Hello everybody..

 

First of all, Im new here, so I dont really know how this works.. But I had to sign into this forum because I need help from someone!

 

Ok so I am 16 years old, and this "friend" of mine is 23. We met few months ago, and have seen each others maybe like 10 times now. He lives 3 hours away from my place. First everything was fine and we were only friends, but then once when I was there with my best friend and one other guy, something happened... Me and my best friend were sleeping in the same bed with him, and suddenly he started to touch me! I was like what the hell, but I let him do it since I had a secret crush on him. He ended up giving me 2 orgasms during that night... I was very confused, and next time I went there for night he did it again. Then we had a party over my place, and he did it again! After that I had to tell him I got feelings for him.. But he said he only thinks me as a friend.

 

I didnt take contact with him in 6 weeks, but then I just had to go over to his place again because I seriously had fallen in love! This time I was there all alone and we had some wild **** going on through whole night.. And few weeks after he drove over to my place around 4am because my parents werent home and "he wanted to go for a little drive." After that I called him and asked if I can go to his place, and he said no. I was like why, and he said "you need to stay at least 10cm away from me." I was like ok?! Well I wanted to solve this **** out, and he agreed we can meet. So we met, and I tried to explain how I feel and that I love him, and gave him 4 options to choose from: 1) not take contact anymore. 2) be friends. 3) be friends with benefits or 4) be in a relationship. So thats it, we had nice weekend "being only friends."

 

The thing is, I love this guy. Do I have any change? He has never ever called to me or taken contact, Im the one who always has to make the move. Still I can clearly see that he wants me (why would he have done all that nasty stuff before if he didnt?). Ive never done anything nasty to him, he has always given me pleasure. We've never had sex though. The funny thing is that he is virgin! And he doesnt really have any other friends than me who are girls. He is also "the silent type", but he still has this "gang of friends." And his friends dont like me, because they think I am using him. I am totally lost. Someone help me! Does 16 year old have any changes with 23 year old? Im Desperate!

[carhill]

Virgins don't sleep in the same beds with girls, trust me. BTW, you did have sex, just not intercourse.

 

Your a FWB right now. Your 23 yo friend may have some legal issues, depending on jurisdiction. I suggest no contact, since he doesn't contact you. Problem solved

[Sadne55]

Virgins don't sleep in the same beds with girls, trust me. BTW, you did have sex, just not intercourse.

 

Your a FWB right now. Your 23 yo friend may have some legal issues, depending on jurisdiction. I suggest no contact, since he doesn't contact you. Problem solved

 

Virgins dont sleep in the same bed with girls? Where did that come from? I dont know about Americans, but in Finland its a little bit different. I sleep in the same bed with all of my friends, guys and girls. That doesnt mean that we should do some nasty stuff though, we just like to cuddle each others.

 

We wont have any legal issues, in Finland if you are 16 years or over you can have sex with 30 year old if you want.

 

Your answer didnt really solve anything. You didnt even quite catch my problem. I LOVE HIM. Thats the problem, I want him to myself. Give me a solvation for that, then I can thank you

 

EDIT: And no, we didnt have sex. Sex is something total else than other sexual stuff you can do...

[Ronni_W]

I LOVE HIM. Thats the problem, I want him to myself. Give me a solvation for that,

Unfortunately, there is NO solution to the age-old problem of loving someone who does not return the feeling. It doesn't matter how old you are, or if you are or are not a virgin.

 

From my perspective, it would seem much more important to protect your self-esteem, self-confidence and self-respect. Which is more about keeping power over your own mind, emotions, and body, than giving it away too easily, to someone who doesn't deserve and appreciate it.

 

From what you've described, it does NOT seem that this guy "wants you" in a healthy and positive way. It sounds that he's treating you more like a sexual plaything. It is up to you, if you choose to be okay with being that to someone who doesn't seem to care about you all that much.

 

Also, you keep referring to the sexual contact that you've already allowed as "nasty". That is suggesting that there is yet much to learn about the mental and emotional aspects of an enjoyable and satisfying sex life.

 

It is a downer: On the one hand, there is something that you want...and on the other hand, you can't have it. (You could settle for something far less than you want and deserve, and, again, that is up to you. But settling in life costs more and sucks more, too .)

[carhill]

EDIT: And no, we didnt have sex. Sex is something total else than other sexual stuff you can do...

 

We had a former President who said exactly the same thing

 

I will endeavor to come to Finland (you did not identify your culture in your OP) to find a 16 yo to not have sex with

 

The bottom line is the guy will lay in bed and diddle you but won't initiate any contact with you. If that is normal in Finnish courtship, then I'd say your chances are excellent for a relationship. Here in the U.S., he's doing something illegal in many jurisdictions and, regardless, he's likely not into you other than for what went on. Sorry to say.

 

Do you have a chance? Sure. There's always a chance. What's different about this guy? I'll assume you've laid in bed with other guys under similar circumstances. Do you feel differently about him and that's why you had orgasms with him and perhaps not with others? Is that it? Help us out here...

[Sadne55]

In fact, I havent been in bed with other guys like that before. Thats why I am so confused. I have only been with one guy before this one, and I was engaged with him 6 months before we divorced. We had total 2 years relationship. But we had to break up because of too long distance.

 

And I think it matters if he is a virgin or not, because I would presume that he would be too shy to do anything. But see, he wasnt. And thats the thing what makes me wonder, does he only want to get rid of his virginity? Then again he said 2 weeks ago that he doesnt want to do any nasty stuff anymore, because he thinks its wrong because he doesnt have any feelings for me.

 

And I use word "nasty" because I cant think of a better way to put it since I am from Finland and have learnt almost all the english I know from movies or school, and in movies they call it nasty. What would be better way of saying it? It wasnt dirty though, it was very sensitive and emotional... He is loveable.

 

But what should a 16 year old do to make 23 year old love her? Should I act more mature or something? I want to be myself though, because otherwise I dont feel comfortable... Please HELP! I need him in my life.

 

EDIT: Ive layed in beds with loads of guys. BUT only as friends. We havent done anything sexual, just enjoyed each others closeness. Im not any whore like alot of girls nowdays, Ive only had one true love in my life before this and I had to call and end to that because he moved to another country and I couldnt stand it...

 

He is just so sweet and caring... One of the nicest persons I know. Not any wanna be gangsta or hardcore, he is just himself. And what a wonderful person is he.. My Love towards him has NOTHING to do with that what he did to me in the bed, I fall in love "in the first sight" or how ever you say it..

Edited March 15, 2008 by Sadne55

[roxy_1980]

Does anyone else find it odd that this guy's friends are worried that a 16 y/o is "using" a 23 y/o?

 

It's more likely that they don't like you cause you're gonna get their buddy arrested!

 

A 23 y/o who is a virgin and goes after underage girls is something to watch out for. Apparently the women his own age see something you don't (or maybe something that's right in front of your face but won't admit).

[Lizzie60]

This guy is from Finland.. I hope his name isn't Martin.. cause if it is who I think.. he is not a virgin..

 

You need to either move on or accept his friendship... but this will be hard for you since you're in love with him and he's not.. so the best thing is to move on.. IMO.

[Sadne55]

His friends are worried of me using him because he is so nice and good hearted that if he can do anything to help someone, he does it. His friends think that I use him example in a way that I just go to crash to his place when Im in city and dont have other place to go for night. Or I use his money and make him buy me stuff. He offers me a dinner now and then, but I also buy him in return.

 

And for once more, 23 year old with 16 year old is not illegal in Finland, so there are no legal issues for him to worry about!

 

And no, his name is not Martin Thats more like Swedish or Danish name, I dont know anyone in Finland named that!

 

Anyway, Ive decided not to take contact with him anymore. I deleted his number from my cellphone, so I wouldnt send him messages and "bother" him. I hope this is the right choice, even though it is very hard for me. I thought that when Im 18 I shall contact him again. What do you think? Is it a good choice?

 

Also, I think he might of gotten afraid of me when I told him I love him. Before that we chatted alot and stuff, but after I told him he has seemed so far away... Could that be the case?

 

I dont think there is anything wrong with him... Maybe the women of his age just dont like a man who plays videogames, likes car tuning and chills with his friends all the time? Then again, he is a very shy person... But I love video games, fast cars and motorbikes and all kind of action in my life. Even though he is quiet person and I am loud as hell, we are still kinda same.. We share the same interests.. Even though he thinks white girls have better asses and I think black girls got some gangsta booty!! (and no, i am not black haha.)

 

So far, thank you for everyones opinions and help!