Dysfunctional beyond comprehension

[MissNYC24]

[color=blue]Okay, here's the deal...

 

I have been dating my boyfriend for close to 7 yrs and we now have a baby girl- 16 months old. This relationship has been a rollercoaster ride thru the deepest corners of Hell, I kid you not.

 

Anyway, now things are good between us, we are going to move in together soon and our crazy past is finally behind us.

 

BUT!!!!!

 

I have overlooked a few things regarding his family and lately I have been seeing them as trash- as bad as that may sound. Where should I start?

 

Okay, he lives with his 52 yr old mom- she looks decent for her age and goes clubbing every weekend til the wee hours of the morning. (Dressed in clothes better fit for a teenager.) This woman, his mother, walks around the house with nothing on but a G-string. This shocked me at first, then disgusted me. I mean, her son is a grown man! He is now 27 yrs old and to this day we walk in the house and she will walk out of the shower with her breasts staring us in the face as she talks to us like nothing is wrong. This is SO unnecessary in my opinion.

 

Next, my boyfriend walks around with his privates exposed to his mother too! When I saw him peeing totally naked and then his mom walking in the bathroom totally naked to brush her teeth- I had to say something to him. I made it clear that this behavior made me feel extremely uncomfortable, so he curbed his nudity but his mom continues to display her saggy breasts..

 

He sees nothing wrong with this. By the way- he is a TOTAL Mama's boy and she can do NO wrong. But that is another topic- soon to come.

 

By the way, his older sister told me one day that my boyfriend slepy with his mom til he was 15 yrs old. If I ever make a comment about his mom, he will turn red with rage and put me in my place. Yet, when his family disrespects me, he calmly has a "heart-toheart" with them and doesn't defend me anyweher NEAR how he dfends his family. Is this something that I should learn to deal with? Is incest a possiblity here? I mean, the better part of me says no, but for me to even think about it, should mean something...Please, input is well appreciated![/color]

[HokeyReligions]

Um. Run. Do you want this kind of role model for your daughter?

 

I can't imagine even the most stereotypical, uneducated, inbred, hillbilly-esque family behaving like this.

 

I mean, can you imagine what your daughter is going to see over there? Don't put her in this situation. You've been together a long time and if you've already been thru hell with him, why do you even stay? Can't your family help you get thru a breakup?

 

This doesn't sound at all healthy to me and your child has to come first now.

[MissNYC24]

Thanks for your response.

 

I just wanted to respond to you also.

 

Now, please don't think I'm one of those women making excuses when i say that our past is really our past- and things are good now EXCEPT for his crazy mother. Now, I am thinking that since we are planning to move out- we won't be subjected to his mom's nudity b/c we will hardly see her.

 

Also, when I was pregnant, I made it prefectly clear that i would not tolerate this behavior in front of my daughter- no exceptions. My boyfriend agreed and respected my request.

 

One of my "solutions" would be to keep my daughter away from this woman as much as possible....

 

I guess I am still hoping. Hopefully, it is not in vain.

 

Thanks for your advice- I will definitely keep that in mind..

[yes]

is the mother aware that her behaviour makes you feel uncomfortable? just doesn't care?

 

also, i'd keep a very close eye on the way your bf treats your daughter - if he's had experience with incest, what's to stop him from continuining the tradition with his kids. be careful...

 

good luck,

-yes

[MissNYC24]

His mom is not aware that i am uncomfortable b/c i would only tell him and he would say that's the way she is...

 

The reason i never told her anything was b/c it is her house, and who am i to tell her what to do in her own house. I also realized that if someone doesn't see anything wrong with doing it, nothing i say will change her mind.

 

I never had any real proof of incest, and the better part of me is thinking it never happened, but you are right, it is better to be safe than sorry- and i will be damned if my daughter will experience any kind of dysfunction. I really do believe, though, that my boyfriend is above that and he wouldn't go there with his daughter. I mean, a part of me blames his mom for bringing him up like that. When I asked if he thinks it's okay for him to be naked around our daughter he replied, "Of course not! It's different." Well, I am as confused as you are at his logic, but I do believe him when it concerns the baby.

 

Thanks for your reply.

[yes]

if his dad never lived with them... just imagine it - she was comfortable being naked with him when he was little, and in her eyes, he's always a child, so i guess she just stayed comfortable with it ...

 

i think as long as things are proper around your daughter, it's all good.

 

good luck,

-yes

[pitprincess]

I would ask his mother to show you a little respect and cover up her nude body wile you and him are around, and to please dont be undressed in front of your man,reguardless if he is her son or not, she should respect your wishes and he should understand your asking her to do this. IF he dont understand drop your clothing in front of moms boy friends lol that should even the pot! lol

[Just A Girl2]

MissNYC24.....what's your b/f's ethnic background? Was he raised in a culture where nudity and openness like this was commonplace?

 

The fact that he slept with his mother until the age of 15 is disgustingly disturbing. I don't care what ethnic background or culture someone is/was raised in......that is the biggest red flag around. Judging by the way they run around the house naked, they no doubt slept together naked. What the f*ck?

 

I never had any real proof of incest, and the better part of me is thinking it never happened, but you are right, it is better to be safe than sorry- and i will be damned if my daughter will experience any kind of dysfunction.

 

Well hun, what proof could you expect to have?

 

Yes, it is better to be safe than sorry.....for your poor innocent daughter's sake......so then would you take even the slightest chance and remain with this dude? You say you'll "be damned if your daughter will experience any kind of dysfunction"...hate to break it to ya but do some research on incest and parent-child molestation.......if your guy IS the type to do this, based on his dysfunctional childhood and perhaps having been abused himself, you think he's going to tell you in advance that he's going to molest your daughter and see nothing wrong with it? By the time you 'find out', your daughter will have already been violated.......and will have to bear the trauma for the rest of her life, totally screwing her up forever and ever. You're willing to take this CHANCE?

 

What kind of bum is this anyway...he's 27, a father, and he lives with his Mommy and is a Mommy's boy? Why would you want a loser like this to begin with? You admit your relationship has been hell-like in the past......now you have an innocent child to think about and put first before everything.....does this loser sound like a good provider and role model?? HARDLY.

 

Sorry, but your poor daughter deserve a helluva lot more. This guy sounds like him and his fleabag mother belong on Jerry Springer.

[pitprincess]

Originally posted by Just A Girl2

MissNYC24.....what's your b/f's ethnic background? Was he raised in a culture where nudity and openness like this was commonplace?

 

The fact that he slept with his mother until the age of 15 is disgustingly disturbing. I don't care what ethnic background or culture someone is/was raised in......that is the biggest red flag around. Judging by the way they run around the house naked, they no doubt slept together naked. What the f*ck?

 

 

 

Well hun, what proof could you expect to have?

 

Yes, it is better to be safe than sorry.....for your poor innocent daughter's sake......so then would you take even the slightest chance and remain with this dude? You say you'll "be damned if your daughter will experience any kind of dysfunction"...hate to break it to ya but do some research on incest and parent-child molestation.......if your guy IS the type to do this, based on his dysfunctional childhood and perhaps having been abused himself, you think he's going to tell you in advance that he's going to molest your daughter and see nothing wrong with it? By the time you 'find out', your daughter will have already been violated.......and will have to bear the trauma for the rest of her life, totally screwing her up forever and ever. You're willing to take this CHANCE?

 

What kind of bum is this anyway...he's 27, a father, and he lives with his Mommy and is a Mommy's boy? Why would you want a loser like this to begin with? You admit your relationship has been hell-like in the past......now you have an innocent child to think about and put first before everything.....does this loser sound like a good provider and role model?? HARDLY.

 

Sorry, but your poor daughter deserve a helluva lot more. This guy sounds like him and his fleabag mother belong on Jerry Springer.

 

JUST A GIRL 2 YOU TOOK THE WORDS RIGHT OUT OF MY MOUTH lol

[MissNYC24]

I agree that his mother is a fleabag..LOL

They didn't sleep in the same bed, he would drag his mattress into her room and sleep in the same room. Although that is an improvement from sleeping side by side in the same bed, it still repulses me. He was just very attached to her growing up, and it seems like it never changed now that he is a grown man.

 

I posted a complaint in the "Family" forum, called "Ballsy Mother-in-law"- and it explains why we are not living together yet- we are supposed to be moving in together next month by the way.

 

BTW, he is hispanic, so their "lifestyle", which is really his mother's now, b/c my bf stopped walking around naked a long time ago when i brought it up to him...I mean, culturally this is not considered okay. i am also hispanic and my family is utterly shocked at the idea of a mother being naked in front of her son.

 

I truly believe that his mother is the biggest problem b/c she knew what she was doing as she raised her son in this manner. She is not the picture of a "normal" mother. Aside from what I already told you guys, she goes out clubbing in skin-tight dresses every weekend, and comes back to the house ar 5-6am...She allowed her kids to smoke marijuana in her house in front of her....She dates married men...She cheats on her husband...

 

When I baptized my daughter a few months back, she missed the church ceremony and just came to the celebration at the hall we rented (and she was fashionably LATE). She walked in with a tight black dress which was half see-through..I was mortified.

 

My bf loves his mother despite her craziness, and i can understand that. And I also understand that since he was brought up thinking that this was okay, it's not his fault. I seriously think that if we leave her domain, these problems will no longer be in our face b/c we won't have to see her all the time. And in my heart, not just b/c i WANT to believe this, I believe that he would never hurt his daughter (emotionally, sexually, physically). His mother might be a crazy bitch but he definitely has more sense and more class than she ever will.

 

If only she could move to another country..Now THAT would be the life! LOL

[pitprincess]

I do agree!!!

Some times people really dont care about others and their well beings, I hate to say but his mother is selfish and dont seem to care who she hurts as long as she is having a good time.

 

I hope your boy friend feels more respect for you then to even go around her untill she gets her self in line.

Good luck