stampdaddy Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 3am I just realized what has happened to me. Came to me clear as could be in my sleep. have been a "Knight in Shining Armor", who, for solong has fought a tough, hard battle. I have fought away alot of pain, and a lot of negative things going against US. And I have done so for a very long time quite successfully, until tonight.. Yesterday, during your phone calls to me, I was swinging away, fighting as hard as I could. Even though most of your words were sweet and loving, I have heard them over and over.. I was trying to stand up for US, and your "words" were too at times... And I guess I was fighting SO hard that I did'nt notice.... Tonight, I looked down and saw the Arrow sticking through my armor an straight into my heart... And it hurts so bad.. This Arrow, fired at me yesterday, is that I am NOT good enough for you to make a change.. That you are going to continue to "try" at home at MANY of my expenses.. So, tonight, with a pierced and bleeding heart, I lay down my sword. I will drop my shield of Honor and Commitment. I will remover my armor and walk away a Mortal Man... I fought as hard as I could.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
malaclypse Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 Finally... =/ Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 Accept your loss and take this as a learning experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted March 15, 2008 Author Share Posted March 15, 2008 Accept your loss and take this as a learning experience. Yeah, a 4 year "learning experience"... great But, it is all I CAN do... Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 Yeah, a 4 year "learning experience"... great But, it is all I CAN do... Better to learn from those 4 years and use that knowledge so you don't make the same mistakes in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 Yesterday, during your phone calls to me, I was swinging away, fighting as hard as I could. Even though most of your words were sweet and loving, I have heard them over and over.. I was trying to stand up for US, and your "words" were too at times... And I guess I was fighting SO hard that I did'nt notice.... This Arrow, fired at me yesterday, is that I am NOT good enough for you to make a change.. That you are going to continue to "try" at home at MANY of my expenses... So she's calling you up to tell you she's going to continue to try at home? That's sadistic!! What is she trying to do to you anyway? What's the payoff for her? Is she just seeking closure? Or is this an endless source of amusement for her? I don't like this at all Stamp. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted March 15, 2008 Author Share Posted March 15, 2008 So she's calling you up to tell you she's going to continue to try at home? That's sadistic!! What is she trying to do to you anyway? What's the payoff for her? Is she just seeking closure? Or is this an endless source of amusement for her? I don't like this at all Stamp. Not in so many words, OB, more so in in-actions.. The words, " I need to live my life over here for a while, without you" have been the key words.. Going out to dinner with H and other couples, BUT calling me on a Thursday or Friday to "check-in" with ME, making sure that she has me where SHE wants me just stopped... F*** That!!!! So she can "live her life, WITHOUT ME... This is why I am "laying down my sword". I will NOT fight for her anymore... Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 Stamp, you seem like a real romantic guy... But I think you need to show her who's boss...Don't take her calls or entertain her in any fashion at all...Show your masculine strength because she's just jerking you around... Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 Stamp, you seem like a real romantic guy... But I think you need to show her who's boss...Don't take her calls or entertain her in any fashion at all...Show your masculine strength because she's just jerking you around... I don't think he needs to show her anything. She doesn't need to see who's boss or his masculine side. I think he needs to stop taking her calls and stop letting her jerk him around for himself, for his own benefit. And stamp - that arrow in your heart isn't because you aren't good enough for her. It's there because she's not good enough for you. If she were good enough, she wouldn't be shooting arrows at you in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 I don't think he needs to show her anything. She doesn't need to see who's boss or his masculine side. I think he needs to stop taking her calls and stop letting her jerk him around for himself, for his own benefit. And stamp - that arrow in your heart isn't because you aren't good enough for her. It's there because she's not good enough for you. If she were good enough, she wouldn't be shooting arrows at you in the first place. I think you misunderstood what I meant... To do it for him-to take back his power from her...Because quite frankly, she does need to see she's not running the show anymore... Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 The only he can do now is forget about her and make sure the next woman he gets involved with is single. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 I think you misunderstood what I meant... To do it for him-to take back his power from her...Because quite frankly, she does need to see she's not running the show anymore... I know what you're saying GEL, and I don't disagree. I'm just taking it a step further and saying he needs to just cancel the show without thinking about it in terms of the leading lady. Just cancel the show, turn off the marquee, and lock the building because the show sucks. When ending these kinds of painful relationships, it helps to re-frame your thinking and re-frame your actions. In stamp's case especially, it's all been about her her her and what he wants/needs/will do in relation to her. It's long past time to eliminate her from the equation. - I'm taking control over my life and what is best for me vs. I'm taking control away from her - I'm initiating NC because I want to be free of additional stress vs. I'm initiating NC so she can't jerk me around anymore - I'm building a fresh, new life for myself and my family vs. I'm walking away from her Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 Well, It figured that she'd try and keep things the way they were once the situation got calmer with the husband. That is, living the life, and having you on the side. So, tonight, with a pierced and bleeding heart, I lay down my sword. I will drop my shield of Honor and Commitment. I will remover my armor and walk away a Mortal Man... Yeah, and everybody is going to believe that. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 Going out to dinner with H and other couples, BUT calling me on a Thursday or Friday to "check-in" with ME, making sure that she has me where SHE wants me just stopped... F*** That!!!! So she can "live her life, WITHOUT ME... This is why I am "laying down my sword". I will NOT fight for her anymore... Wow, she has some big balls! Talk about manipulation! And, completely disreguarding your feelings in the process. Stamps, this woman doesn't give a crap about ANYONE but herself. I am very happy that your eyes have opened and you see her for who she is. A selfish woman who is a cake eater and wants what she wants. Glad to hear you're not going to play into that. Definately time to shut your heart COMPLETELY from her and if you need to be tough with her to get her OUT of your life, do so. She's toxic for you now! I am sorry that you're in so much pain. Link to post Share on other sites
findmyway Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 3am I just realized what has happened to me. Came to me clear as could be in my sleep. have been a "Knight in Shining Armor", who, for solong has fought a tough, hard battle. I have fought away alot of pain, and a lot of negative things going against US. And I have done so for a very long time quite successfully, until tonight.. Yesterday, during your phone calls to me, I was swinging away, fighting as hard as I could. Even though most of your words were sweet and loving, I have heard them over and over.. I was trying to stand up for US, and your "words" were too at times... And I guess I was fighting SO hard that I did'nt notice.... Tonight, I looked down and saw the Arrow sticking through my armor an straight into my heart... And it hurts so bad.. This Arrow, fired at me yesterday, is that I am NOT good enough for you to make a change.. That you are going to continue to "try" at home at MANY of my expenses.. So, tonight, with a pierced and bleeding heart, I lay down my sword. I will drop my shield of Honor and Commitment. I will remover my armor and walk away a Mortal Man... I fought as hard as I could.... Stampdaddy- I read your post and immediately was brought to tears. Tears that i think I have been holding in for the last twelve hours, but that desperately needed to get out. I could have written that letter last night. Although our situations are different, I think we are going through similiars emotions at the moment. I had a call (that shouldnt have happened but it did) last night.. and although I came away from it thinking MM does still care about me, it just isnt enough for me at this point. It hurts like hell... I guess sometimes you just have to wave the white flag and say it's over, if only it were that easy. Link to post Share on other sites
madame x Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 Your words are so beautiful. I have nothing constructive to add really but I just wanted to say that I am in a very similar situation and, yeah, it hurts like absolute hell. I'd very much like to get to a point of feeling "done," as it seems that you have. It's a wonderful first step that you've made mentally and I wish you luck in moving from pain and into healing. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 Hang in there Stamp! Your xMW sounds more and more like my MM's W, back in the days when MM was her OM and she was M to her first H. She did eventually leave him for MM, and we all know how that story played out! (But hey, it's keeping a couple of counsellors in business....) Stamp - I'd say you've had a lucky escape. Down the track, the woman you land up with (whoever she is) is going to be grateful to for the damage you've just spared yourself. Take care Stamp! ((((((hugs)))))) Link to post Share on other sites
Dominique Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 Hi Stamp I have followed most of your story with interest. You will be fine. You sound as if you have a strong personality... I think you are on the road to recovery/salvation from this situation. What I have noticed in myself and with other people I know in discussing these things, is that the "minute" you lose respect for someone, the loss of love, even "like", happens somewhat amazingly quickly. I think loss of respect is for a healthy person the last straw. It shows also that you are basically self-confident (and self protective) This is not to say you will not think of her, but you will more regret the whole situation as it turned out and your time invested, rather than her- the-person. Keep strong, and do not answer her phone calls, or drop-by calls anymore. Just don't. The first couple of times will be hard...and then, magically, they won't be. Big Hug Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 Well, It figured that she'd try and keep things the way they were once the situation got calmer with the husband. That is, living the life, and having you on the side. So, tonight, with a pierced and bleeding heart, I lay down my sword. I will drop my shield of Honor and Commitment. I will remover my armor and walk away a Mortal Man... Yeah, and everybody is going to believe that. Do you have anything nice to say to people? This is a forum for support, got it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted March 16, 2008 Author Share Posted March 16, 2008 Stamp, you seem like a real romantic guy... But I think you need to show her who's boss...Don't take her calls or entertain her in any fashion at all...Show your masculine strength because she's just jerking you around... you are the closest to feeling of what I should do, what I WANT to do.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted March 16, 2008 Author Share Posted March 16, 2008 I don't think he needs to show her anything. She doesn't need to see who's boss or his masculine side. I think he needs to stop taking her calls and stop letting her jerk him around for himself, for his own benefit. And stamp - that arrow in your heart isn't because you aren't good enough for her. It's there because she's not good enough for you. If she were good enough, she wouldn't be shooting arrows at you in the first place. I agree with you.. I DON'T DESERVE THIS Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 Last night was a bad one for at least 3 of us on this thread. Mine was of my own comtemplation, though. It really boils down to that one concern doesn't it? That we are not good enough to be the choice of the one who claims to love us more. Hugs, Stamp. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 Give me a break, Sir Lancelot. There are no swords or armor or honor or any of that crap. Don't make it seem grander than it is. You really only have yourself to blame. If she manipulated you, it's because you signed up for that. I'm sure this is all painful for you. Lose this person from your life, and then feel cleansed for having done so. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 Give me a break, Sir Lancelot. There are no swords or armor or honor or any of that crap. Don't make it seem grander than it is. You really only have yourself to blame. If she manipulated you, it's because you signed up for that. I'm sure this is all painful for you. Lose this person from your life, and then feel cleansed for having done so. Glad someone else said it... Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 I agree with you.. I DON'T DESERVE THIS But you're letting it happen, and keeping the door open to it by keeping the door (and phone) open to her. And you watched her do it to her husband for 4 years, so you know she's perfectly capable of stringing you along for as long as you let her. You watched her do it to her husband for 4 years! You should know every manipulative move she has in her little bag of tricks by now. Just because she's turned it on you now doesn't make her game any different. Link to post Share on other sites
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