IpAncA Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 She is no longer having sex with me but has gone on birth control. I found a condom in her jacket. Ect. You can BS the birth control pills but not the condom because I doubt anyone would by, "I was holding it for a friend" or "I found it" Yeah right... Link to post Share on other sites
Author bligh Posted March 24, 2008 Author Share Posted March 24, 2008 Well, time for another update. Unfortunatley, I didn't follow some of you guys advice and went to talk to the boss. He denied everything and acted like I had dreamed up everything in my head. he also talked down to me, saying that he was an old English professor and that perhaps I didn't understand his use of big words in his replies to her. He also blamed my wife for the inappropriate emails and said he hadn't done anything. He "couldn't remember" what her email "Magic Man has a whole new connotation to me..." (the heart song that was on the cd that she had while they traveled in her van) was supposed to mean. Finally, he said that "don't worry, I won't take any action against your wife". He finished by saying he would have to be crazy to jepardize his job and his marriage. both of them said that a coworker was in the van with them, and my wife said that her and these two 50 something professional men were making up "funny alternative lyrics" to the song- something noteworthy enough for her to mention the next week in her email but not noteworthy enough for him to remember. Personally, I think it obvioulsy referenced her and him doing something sexual while the song was playing- something reinforced by her other emails. Still feel like I am being lied to but have no absolute proof. One thing I was thinking of was calling the other coworker to see if he could shed any light on the subject. He is very religious and a part time preacher- maybe he would tell me the truth. Going nuts and feeling everyone is lying. P.S. she has been a whole new person since confronted- loving, affectionate ect. But she is now careful to erase all of her phone messages and she has deleted him from her contact list on her phone so that his name no longer appears on any calls. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 Get the book, 'love must be tough'. And read it. It's time for you to stop rolling over and piddling. This guy played you like a fool, talking down to you? You allowed him to disrespected you even more like this? You needed to square off against this guy, you need to bring this in front of everyone involved. You need to get pissed and show it. You need to not only show but live confidence. She needs to get into counseling. What are you getting out of this relationship? Unless you get to the root of the problem, these things will continue to happen. How long do you want to play detective? Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 OK, so you can also now expect her boss to start doing some damage control of his own...he's going to make you out to be a crazy man, in case you go to HR or his boss. He'll get your wife to support this as well. I'll be honest...at this point, I don't have any good advice for you, short of leaving her to force a change in her behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 You are being played for such a fool. The OM talks down to you that you do not understand big words? After the confrontation your wife is now being affectionate? This is known as damage control. If she was innocent then you know she would have been outraged. Her behavior indicates that she is in damage control and playing with you. Why do you feel you need to settle for so little in your life? Surrely you can do better than this. Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 I'd start the process for Divorce, that'll show her what she's about to lose, if she just "goes" with it, then it's apparent that she's not concerned about you or her marriage. No consequences for her actions, no motivation for change! Link to post Share on other sites
LadyDi Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 I realize there is hardly no chance of you being wrong in thinking they had an affair, but what if??? Now you've gone to your wife's place of employment and made a fool of yourself. I know I'm in the minority here, but I just don't understand why BS always want to drag everyone into their M. Is it that since you're hurt, you want everyone else as hurt and miserable as you? Please don't flame me, I really believe differently. If you don't trust your spouse any longer, then go. How hard is that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bligh Posted March 24, 2008 Author Share Posted March 24, 2008 Well Di, I can't disagree with you. I did go see the boss after work (not at the office) and confront him in a calm way. I know now that they just got together and got their stories straight. As for my motivation, it was to try to get the truth. I grew up on a ranch in the middle of nowhere Colorado and if you had a problem with someone you confronted them about it. I also admit that I didn't and don't want him to get away scott free- for all I knew my wife did not even tell him that I had confronted her so that the affair can continue. At the very least, I have him on some sexually inappropriate emails with a female subordinate- no matter how much he wants to pretend he is not involved. Have probably made a mess of things, but is better than sitting around doing nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 LadyDi- He NEEDS to 'drag everyone in' to get the affair to end. He's not telling EVERYONE...but what he IS doing is communicating with the people who can take action to force the affair to end. Its a smart tactic. Its not about wanting anyone else to hurt...it IS all about putting pressure on the affair partners to end the affair. Nothing more. Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 Well Di, I can't disagree with you. I did go see the boss after work (not at the office) and confront him in a calm way. I know now that they just got together and got their stories straight. As for my motivation, it was to try to get the truth. I grew up on a ranch in the middle of nowhere Colorado and if you had a problem with someone you confronted them about it. I also admit that I didn't and don't want him to get away scott free- for all I knew my wife did not even tell him that I had confronted her so that the affair can continue. At the very least, I have him on some sexually inappropriate emails with a female subordinate- no matter how much he wants to pretend he is not involved. Have probably made a mess of things, but is better than sitting around doing nothing. Are you going to present the Info from the E-mails to his superiors? That's a great way to crack this thing. Let them deal with the fallout! Link to post Share on other sites
Stockalone Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 (edited) I realize there is hardly no chance of you being wrong in thinking they had an affair, but what if??? Now you've gone to your wife's place of employment and made a fool of yourself. I know I'm in the minority here, but I just don't understand why BS always want to drag everyone into their M. Is it that since you're hurt, you want everyone else as hurt and miserable as you? Please don't flame me, I really believe differently. If you don't trust your spouse any longer, then go. How hard is that? How is confronting the guy he suspects to have an affair with his wife, dragging everyone into his marriage? I don't know if he wants to end his marriage or wants to salvage what is left but it is very clear to me that the affair has to stop and by putting pressure on the other guy he is hoping to achieve that. If you don't trust your spouse any longer, then go. How hard is that? The last thing I would do is simply turn the other cheek. I am not married, but a guy that has an affair with my gf would absolutely be my problem. He would be just as guilty as my gf and there would be no chance that I would simply let it go and not make sure that he will have to face the consequences of his actions along with my gf. Edited March 24, 2008 by Stockalone Link to post Share on other sites
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