5 Days NC and not good!

[iwish]

Almost texted her today, 'i miss you'

 

I thought to myself it wouldn't hurt, would it? i mean as long as i didn't follow it on with an angry text berating her for not missing me then it'll be fine!!

 

Then i realised i can't do that, i told her i'd respect her wishes of space and leave her alone.. And if i contact her, how on earth is she going to miss me?

 

But then if i don't send a nasty text later then she might see that i'm not angry anymore and i have changed, although i'm allowed to be angry aren't i?

 

She dumped me, she cut me out of her life, just like that.. made me feel insignificant for chasing her, lied to me about the reasons, bad mouthed me behind my back to work mates and called me a liar...

 

She evens says that my ex is a problem, as if it was one of the issues.. it wasn't, the issue was her ex and the fact that she never told me that he called or they had arranged to meet, i always told her when my ex rang and how little i felt for her, how uninterested i was about her, but she on the other hand never gave me such reassurances.. no why would she do that?!

 

never has she once texted me that she missed me.. i did all that, but she must miss me?! surely?!!! this is the longest NC i've managed in 5 weeks..

 

I chased, i begged, i got angry, i sent flowers, i did all the normal stuff.. and she hasn't once tried to initiate contact.. why? is it because i never left her alone and she took for granted that i'd 'crack' and text her again..

 

Is she starting to think that, 'hey he isn't trying anymore, i actually miss him'.. or is that going to take longer than 5 days?

 

I just want some sign that our year together wasn't all in my head, that she isn't such a cold hearted girl and that she did really in fact have genuine feelings for me, i've got the dear John letter, but her actions don't seem to match the words in the letter, the words of love and miss..

 

I have to have faith that she will miss me and that the time we were broken and i kept contacting her were times of a desperate man, a man who wasn't thinking straight a man who just wanted to hold her and kiss her (and still does!!)

 

so anyway 5 days NC will she contact??!! Do they do that??!! i mean it was a great year, seeing each other practically every day, you can't just wipe that out can you?

[serendip]

i kept contacting her were times of a desperate man, a man who wasn't thinking straight

 

 

Well you kind of answered your own questions. You still are a desperate man...5 days isn't gonna change that.

 

You telling her that you miss her is just a repeat of everything you've done before and it will show her that you don't respect her wishes. She doesn't want anything to do with you right now...you contacting her will only worsen the situation. You have to wait for her to contact you no matter what...it could be 2 weeks, a month, a year...whatever.

 

Best thing to do for yourself is to work on your co-dependence issues

[iwish]

thanks serendip, i know that you're right, i know that i can't contact her.. just letting off some steam instead of going the other route (texting)..

 

I just want some sign that she did really love me!! just one call or text to acknowledge the fact that we were good together and that she was happy and the things she said were not lies... she must miss me a bit?!! we did a lot together...

 

oh well enough sitting at home pining, to the pub i go!!

[serendip]

thanks serendip, i know that you're right, i know that i can't contact her.. just letting off some steam instead of going the other route (texting)..

 

I just want some sign that she did really love me!! just one call or text to acknowledge the fact that we were good together and that she was happy and the things she said were not lies... she must miss me a bit?!! we did a lot together...

 

oh well enough sitting at home pining, to the pub i go!!

 

 

Good to let off steam on here rather then contacting her.

 

I'm sure she did love you...but people change over time. She might not be the same person you fell in love with. Hardest thing in life is to let go of that...I know...I'm still in the process.

 

Have a pint for me ...cheers

[iwish]

i shall have at least two for you and at least two for myself

[findmyway]

IWish- I am in the same boat as you, would do anything for just that one text saying i miss you... or something.

This isn't an easy road.

 

I am heading out soon too... I will have a drink for you if you will have a drink for me!

[norajane]

She dumped me, she cut me out of her life, just like that.. made me feel insignificant for chasing her, lied to me about the reasons, bad mouthed me behind my back to work mates and called me a liar...

 

You aren't going to like this, but this is how her conversation with her girlfriends would go:

 

"I dumped him, cut him out of my life, lied to him, bad-mouthed him behind his back to his work mates, and called him a liar...and STILL he keeps f*cking texting me saying he misses me!! WTF do I need to do get him off my back? Why won't he get the message that I don't want to be with him anymore??!"

 

never has she once texted me that she missed me.. i did all that, but she must miss me?! surely?!!! this is the longest NC i've managed in 5 weeks..

 

I chased, i begged, i got angry, i sent flowers, i did all the normal stuff.. and she hasn't once tried to initiate contact.. why? is it because i never left her alone and she took for granted that i'd 'crack' and text her again.

 

No, she didn't take it for granted that you'd crack. The reason she doesn't initiate contact is she doesn't WANT contact with you.

 

I know this is not at all what you want to hear, and I know it's hard to think she doesn't miss you, but the truth is, if she wanted to be with you, she would be. It's not like you haven't already shown her that you would take her back in a heartbeat if she wanted you back.

 

NC is not a tool to try to use to get someone back or make them miss you. It's a tool to help you get over someone after a break-up: no new contact = no new hurts to analyze and fret over.

 

Please, please, please, don't get drunk at the pub and drunk-text her after!

[youngbuckkk]

I agree with Jane somewhat. Maybe not in such harsh words, but yea, she didn't want you in her life for one reason or another, and honestly, NC is not a tool to make her miss you, it's for you to grow and realize that your life will go on with or without her. It really defeats the purpose if all you are doing it for is in hopes of her missing you, because as more time passes and she doesn't contact all you will do is beat yourself up further and feel like crap.

 

Bottom line, you need to accept that she doesn't want you in her life right now, and you need to try and forget her. I'm over a month NC with my ex and I can attest that the first 2 weeks were the hardest, but as time passes it gets better. At first I too thought NC would make her miss me more and that was my motivation, and it never made me feel better because she never reached out to me. Finally I gave up that and decided that I really didn't need to be feeling down about someone who didn't want to be with me, as there are plenty more women out there who not only have more in common with me, but look better, and would actually appreciate me for who I am. And you know what, it's funny, as soon as I began moving on she actually tried to make contact, it seems like dumpers have a 6th sense about wen the SO is moving on, but I didn't even wanna risk reopening old wounds so I just ignored it. That's when I truly started feeling better about things, and now just a couple of weeks later I feel stronger then ever. Do this for youself man, not to make her miss you. You will be stronger in the long run, and there are plenty of fish in the sea. Just remember these words:

 

NOTHING GOOD WILL COME OUT OF YOU CONTACTING HER OR EVEN THINKING ABOUT HER RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

YOU WILL FEEL LIKE CRAP ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!

[sedgwick]

Five days is nothing. I know from previous posts you've ignored her requests for space; she's probably just enjoying having it!

 

I'm sure your time together does mean something to her, but her time on her own does too. Right now that's what she's chosen to explore.

[iwish]

Please, please, please, don't get drunk at the pub and drunk-text her after!

 

Damn if only i read this before i went out..

 

Unfortunately the curse of booze and the fact i was getting a cab back and going past her house were two factors that made me text her!

 

It was more of a booty call than anything else, none of the i miss you stuff from before.. just plain old trying to get some action..

 

the good news is, she responded (not in a nasty manner but more in an excited manner) her response..

 

Hey, fraid not i'm in New York! Woo!

 

We texted back and forth and that was it...

 

it turns out she's not mourning me at all! she's in new york with work and by all accounts having a good time.. and i expressed my happiness for her..

 

so there was me thinking that maybe she was at home, phone in hand a tear in her eye just waiting for a text (yes i know that's just a fantasy!)

 

so i've ruined no contact.. damn!

 

my conclusion to this, is that, well it's done now.. i made a mistake, i texted her and i'm not going to beat myself up about it, because No Contact is not a tool to get her back and getting her back is something i'd like, but i won't die from it...

 

she responded, there was no nastiness from either side (that's a good thing).. I didn't get all clingy (i think) it was more like banter..

 

Now my dilemma is to not imagine her being chatted up by all you american guys (yes she is hot!) but then that's not my business..

 

last night i was chatting to a new friend of mine (girl) and it was a bit flirty..

it felt good.. and maybe in the future she and i will have something (who knows)

 

i'm far from ready for that with anyone but my ex, but who knows what the future holds, we're going out this friday and saturday, until then i have to be strong and i plan to send one more text to the ex apologising for last nights shenanigans and then just leave her be, to do what she has to do and stuff..

 

because at the end of the day, she's choosing a life without me and as gutted as i am, i refuse to mourn her for too much longer.. she's lost a good guy in me (yes i am a good guy) and well, as beautiful as she is, and as good as the sex was, that's not enough for a stable relationship.. i loved her more than she loved me, that was always a problem and it would be a problem again!

 

oh and on a good note, her interests were stirred as to what i was up to in the sense of who was i with etc...

 

which is nice to know that she's a little bit jealous...

[youngbuckkk]

Sounds like you took it a lot better this time from what i've read in your past posts.

 

But, I would say you shouldn't text to apoligize. Why do you owe her an apology? She should no longer be a proirity in your life, and who cares if you upset her or bothered her last night, what's done is done, no need to apoligize. By doing so you might open youself up to vulnerability once again, as she may not respond the way you like, and without being drunk it may bring back the hurt. Just stick it out and let things be.

 

Focus on yourself and the girl you met. You are obviously not ready for a relationship, but nothing wrong with a little sexual healing. Good luck.

[iwish]

yeah i'm doing alright, i feel strong and if anyone has followed my previous posts i can only offer a few bits of advice, and that is go NC, start new hobbies, meet new people, just go out and enjoy your life by yourself, if it's meant to be it will be and if it's not, well then don't get angry with her just try and relax, hide the anger from her, tell your friends or family.. it really does help you heal..

 

Don't get me wrong, i'm not completely over her, that will take time, because i still miss her and i still think of her a bit too much for my own good..

 

But i know that if i just stick with my new resolutions it will be fine, because it's already a lot easier than it was.. and that's good!

 

she was a beauty though, a body to die for, but i can look back and think i tried my best and she won't be able to do that, she gave up

 

maybe she will be back.. who knows... but the important thing is, i'm finding myself again and i'm not the confused chap i was before... i have some self control back (booze aside!) so the future is bright...