Why can't I let go?

[THEBIGARC]

She has made it plain as day to me that she wants the OM. We were together 6 yrs and have a 4 y/o son, but the ex is the most important thing to her right now. She has totally flipped out. We now have a brand new house we have yet to move into. She wants to move in without me. I told her I wanted to sell it, but she is not having any of that. I am the one being civil. This is going to get ugly. I never wanted that. She has ruined my life and now wants me to quietly go away. She even tried to bribe me with money. I feel like I am living a nightmare that will not end. She is going to see a laywer Monday. I am not sure what he will tell her. She is the abandoning me and our marriage. I just want out now. I feel like giving into her and just letting her take it all. I know I would regret it later. My son is the greatest gift I ever recieved in my life and that is why I will always love his mother, but I loath her as a person now. How do I get pass that? How do I remain friends with her after this. I feel like I am just an old dog she needs to replace. Her mom and dad are pissed at her, but she doesn't care. This little guy she is in love with is going through a divorce right now. I could beat his ass, but where would that get me? Jail! No, I am just going to hang in there. I am going to listen to my lawyer and see what happens. Marriage in this day in age is not worth the paper it is printed on!

[sumdude]

I got a great piece of advice from gunny here... Remember she is not your enemy but she is now your adversary. Don't let yourself be rushed into anything, you are trying to play chess at some level when it comes to the financials and other arrangements. It's really hard for you to play that game when your emotions are so high. Right now she feels she has the higher ground because she's the one in control of the relationship or what tiny bit is left of it.. Listen to your lawyers but do not let them run the show. They are trained to be cutthroat and often in thier zeal love to add extra hours to thier bills. Once the lawyers run the show it gets expensive and ugly. Realize you do have control over your life and future. Do not give in. Stay firm and patient.

 

Right now she is "following her heart" and nothing you do is likely to change that. All you can do is accept it , deal with the pain and keep on living. Take extra good care of yourself physically and otherwise.

 

Know you can put the brakes on the process, there's no huge rush to get it all settled while you're still dealing with the emotional fallout. Do not let her or her lawyers control the timetable or the process. Getting things to slow down will be best for you and your child. Tell your lawyer that right now you need time to get your head together to make the right decisions.

Edited March 16, 2008 by sumdude

[Gunny376]

When it comes to women and divorce? (Or for that matter men and divorce?) Logic and reason gets left at the front gate of the back forty?

 

First off check yourself at the door? There's not a piece of ass in the world worth doing Life without parole for? Let alone a date with the electric chair? Yet? There are plenty such men ( and women) doing that very same thing?

 

Why can't you let go? Its largely biological ~ bio-chemical? Its brain chemicals running around in your brain? The very same that driving her to do the crazy, illogical, ill-rational things that's she's doing? They're stronger than crack ~ in fact its "crack" and crystal meth thats feeds off of them X's 10! These bio's are already more potenet than crystal meth ~ or crack ~ but crack or crystal meth makes them 10X's higher octane?

 

(411 ~I know this because I work in a lab).

[Nomad1]

Understand that whatever you do will not change the situation about your marriage. However, if you succumb to your emotions, you will get yourself in a lot of trouble and you may even be prevented from seeing your son. The marriage is over. The sooner you accept that the better it will be for you and your son. Negotiate assets division with her. If she feels guilty about what she has done, she may be more flexible with you.

 

Please, please stay calm. Be indifferent to what she does. It is hard, I know, but it can be done.

 

Take care

 

Nomad1

[THEBIGARC]

I told her I want no more contact with her unless it is about our son or selling the new house. I was nice and will continue to be. She has moved on with the OM. I moved out yesterday and staying with family. It is so hard for me because my life is turned upside down right. I do know it is for the best though. She did this to me because she did not love me. I am going through those angry and revengefull thoughts, but they pass and reason comes back. Being nice does make her feel guilty and I will make out better in the divorce if she feels that way. So, no fighting or cursing her. Calm will come over me when I have to deal with her. Today is going to very hard telling my 4 y/o son that his daddy is not going to live with him and his mommy anymore. I cry when I think about it. I know he will be fine. He will be reassured we love him and always will.