audrey_1 Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 I am curious who has been through this and what the outcome was. I'm in a casual relationship, mentioned in my past posts, with someone I grew up with but didn't see for 15 years, from my eighth grade year up until last year. He is 33, I am 32. He's having difficulty with his job and is keeping me at arm's length, saying he can't be in a relationship "right now" and so far, it's gone the FWB route, a first for me. He has told me repeatedly he isn't seeing anyone else, but I have, which so far haven't compared with him. But I have not had sex with anyone other than him. But on to my point. A month ago, we were having passionate sex, and he whispered in my ear that he loved me. Very softly, I had to think about it, did he just? Was that? He has done this twice. I did not acknowledge it. He was very, very shy when we were kids, and he tells me he had a crush on me all through school, but he does not reveal anything else to me other than "he enjoys spending time with me." My question is, why would he say this? Why then? He doesn't strike me as someone who would lose control and let this slip. He is very guarded and very introverted about his feelings. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 More than likely he does love you. Your bigger problem here is him using his problems at work to back off the relationship. Hey, people have problems all the time in many aspects of their life but they don't use that as an excuse to relegate a close relationship to FWB. That's just plain BS. When times are rough is EXACTLY when you need someone in your life the most. No doubt he has commitment phobia issues. Let me lead the dance on this but the next time he tells you he love you, just saw "wonderful." If you tell him you love him back that may frighten him. You're going to have to do this dance very slowly and gradually with this dude. On the other hand, it's pretty easy to tell someone you love them when you're in the middle of hot and heavy sex...but I don't think given his shyness and history he was being casual with the words. I think he meant them. It's probably something he couldn't say in any other situation. Take your time...and don't worry about this. However, if you are seeing other people and you even have a slight idea you may be falling for someone else...give him first crack (if you feel you should, of course). In other words, give him a shot at getting off the pot before you fall to much for someone else. You can't wait forever for somebody brave enough to make a commitment to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author audrey_1 Posted March 16, 2008 Author Share Posted March 16, 2008 More than likely he does love you. Your bigger problem here is him using his problems at work to back off the relationship. Hey, people have problems all the time in many aspects of their life but they don't use that as an excuse to relegate a close relationship to FWB. That's just plain BS. When times are rough is EXACTLY when you need someone in your life the most. No doubt he has commitment phobia issues. Let me lead the dance on this but the next time he tells you he love you, just saw "wonderful." If you tell him you love him back that may frighten him. You're going to have to do this dance very slowly and gradually with this dude. On the other hand, it's pretty easy to tell someone you love them when you're in the middle of hot and heavy sex...but I don't think given his shyness and history he was being casual with the words. I think he meant them. It's probably something he couldn't say in any other situation. Take your time...and don't worry about this. However, if you are seeing other people and you even have a slight idea you may be falling for someone else...give him first crack (if you feel you should, of course). In other words, give him a shot at getting off the pot before you fall to much for someone else. You can't wait forever for somebody brave enough to make a commitment to you. Makes sense. Yes, I do believe he has commitment issues, which I understand. I think it comes down to feeling that freedom is being lost, and you're right, I don't think he could say it in any other situation at this point. He isn't shallow, IMO, which is why I was so shocked at what he said, when he said it. Because it is a casual LDR, I'm constantly looking for reasons to leave, but for some reason can't. I am free to see other people, so I keep him in the background. Something in me says it's a timing thing. That if we met on the same page and tried to see it through, we wouldn't be disappointed. On the other hand, his dad has a twin brother who is still single, well into his 60s. He never married, I don't think, and he's just dated all this time. He even has a son, and he didn't really make a go at it with the mother. I am concerned this will be how he ends up. If I have any chance with him at all, I know patience is going to be key, which definitely isn't my strong point, but I'm trying. Link to post Share on other sites
Author audrey_1 Posted March 17, 2008 Author Share Posted March 17, 2008 No other perspectives? Link to post Share on other sites
Author audrey_1 Posted March 17, 2008 Author Share Posted March 17, 2008 I posted this over the weekend but am going to try again now that more of you are here during the week. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
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