foreversingle Posted July 9, 2003 Share Posted July 9, 2003 Hi I am quite an outgoing up for a laugh type of lad, yet when i go to bars and there are nice women there i find myself losing confidence and not being able to cope, looking in the mirror and saying that i look crap and things like that, yet when i am with my mates i can joke on and always have something to say. When i have got talking to women i always make them laugh and they seem to enjoy themselves. I just find myself thinking that they are not going to be insterested, my previous girlfriends got talking to me through coincidence, my last girlfriend knew my mate and came to talk to me when i was sat in a bar and we ended up together before she finished with me 3 weeks ago, but when i am out i see lasses i really fancy and just clam up and have nothing to say all of a sudden, so i just end up stood with my mates looking at them and then looking away, i just wish i could keep my confidence and tongue in cheek atitude when they are there, i just dont want to make a fool of myself. I dont consider myself to be bad looking. I am 24, 6 ft 3, blonde hair, blue eyes, good complexion, short hair brushed forward. But i just cant seem to talk to them my mind just goes blank Any ideas anybody Link to post Share on other sites
zman Posted July 9, 2003 Share Posted July 9, 2003 Try practicing on your sister or some other female friend, or one of your friends' sisters or something. Just pretend these hot lasses are just normal girls and talk to them without any big expectations in mind. The difference between fear and excitment is only whether you expect a negative or positive outcome from the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted July 9, 2003 Share Posted July 9, 2003 i think it's actually better to meet people through friends. so instead of hunting them at bars, why not ask your mates to introduce you to someone? good luck, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Author foreversingle Posted July 9, 2003 Author Share Posted July 9, 2003 thanx for advice, but i just dunno why i have such trouble when i have loads to say i cant speak to strangers very well, if i knew the women i can have a good laugh with them, its the initial introduction that i have problems with, after that i would probably be fine the next time i saw them Link to post Share on other sites
Nazima Posted July 9, 2003 Share Posted July 9, 2003 Why not try a group date if you have trouble talking to new women one on one? Have your friends find you a nice girl and a bunch of you go to the movies or out to coffee or something like that, something that's relaxed so you can break the ice a little. Then maybe you find out if the girl is interested in going out on a solo date after you feel more comfortable with her. Link to post Share on other sites
spaceman Posted July 9, 2003 Share Posted July 9, 2003 I think the problem here is that you're looking at a girl and thinking all the way beyond talking to her to the consequences of your actions after, even as far as "if you do one thing, the one other thing will happen and if you do something else, something else will happen", which in English means you're worrying too much about what she'll think of you and what impact that will have. I've even "seen" myself with someone before I've even talked to them. This isn't good as you'll be thinking about it too much and thinking how you'll be able to achieve that status. All that will do is most likely stress you out even more. Like the suggestions above, practice talking to any friends that are girls. I'll bet if you talk to any girl that you don't really fancy you won't get nervous. It's to do with the stakes you set in your own mind. (which I do to some degree but try and control it). Maybe even look at it like a business deal, which may sound a bit cheesy but really it's pretty much the same techniques people use to "secure the deal". Basically you can't show all your cards in one go and also you need to remain calm and composed but at the same time not changing your basic personality. Don't worry, many people (including me! -I say and do things sometimes which make me cringe!) get this problem to a lesser or greater degree and what you've got to remember is that your "prey" is possibly as nervous as you, but as they'll probably be aware you're the one "chatting them up" they can afford to be a little more at ease as you're the one trying to "win them over" Also take a few deep outbreaths, it reduces the Oxygen in your blood which is a quick way to relax you -it works, just don't hyperventilate!!! .... hope that helps! Link to post Share on other sites
Author foreversingle Posted July 10, 2003 Author Share Posted July 10, 2003 i think i look at the women and think they wont want me and wont want to talk to me, so that makes me just not be able to talk to them, i suppose its the fear of them not liking me, and not liking the look of me. I just wish i could overcome this and not be afraid to make a fool of myself Link to post Share on other sites
chaos77 Posted July 11, 2003 Share Posted July 11, 2003 I am in the same boat as you man. I used to talk to girls all the time, then I met a girl and dated her for almost a year, I ended up breaking up with her so that I could be single again and start talking to girls again since I moved to NYC. The problem is, everytime I go out, I see girls that I want to talk to so bad, but I am so afraid that I am not going to be able to keep the conversation going that I just don't do anything at all. Girls in the city especially are very overwhelming. The thing is that I am so sure they would talk to me if I could just get the balls to talk to them. I think we need a women's opinion on this, what is a good way to start a conversation with some random girl at a bar?? Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted July 11, 2003 Share Posted July 11, 2003 you sound like a handsome young stud to me... quit thinking so much and just be yourself. (stop being an observer of yourself.) you won this board over, look how many responses you got. just be happy, and like attracts like. Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted July 11, 2003 Share Posted July 11, 2003 btw... I heard this story of a friend that went to a loud bar. He asked this pretty girl if she wanted to dance. She looked at him with a sneer and said, "No". He wasn't to be outdone. He looked at her strangely, and said very loudly so everyone could hear, "NO, I SAID YOU LOOK BIG IN THOSE PANTS". ==== My take on it, just have fun no matter what. Link to post Share on other sites
Author foreversingle Posted July 12, 2003 Author Share Posted July 12, 2003 well, thanx for the advice, i am gonna just go for it, if i get rejected its fair enough as i probably wont see them again, eh they can only say no Link to post Share on other sites
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