lovistough Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 (edited) Well after 9 yr &9 mths my wife said she is not happy. Ive read the same story on hear over & over . We are high school sweethearts and I do love her very much so . We have to great kids 7 & 4 that i dont want to see them get hurt but I dont know if I can stop it . I came home from work to find a note that she is not & has not been happy for years now and she just dont care anymore . I will say for the first 5yrs I was a pretty stupied guy that drink and ran with buds and should not have but I never ever have cheated and she knows this . I put her though some pretty lonely nights, I hurt in side bad for that so i know that it could not have been easy. That said its been over three yrs since I have lived that life and we have had some good times since then. Everything was good or so I thought until 2 months she said she was sick of the same ol thing day in an day out ,work and come home . I know there is not alot of fun in that . We dont do much as a couple just as a family and I know we should go out alone atleast 1s a month but we dont really have baby sitters or much family help either . I guess I should have try harder to find someone . Anyway so now she says she dont know how to care anymore and she has alreadly given up . I dont understand that . I love her very much and told her that we should talk to someone and she said she does not want to talk to some strange about us. I asked her to just not give up I will try to put some of the fun and new back in our love but I dont think she wants to try. So can some one PLEASE help me to save OUR family . I feel Im lost in the dark . Edited March 17, 2008 by lovistough Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Are you sure she hasn't found someone else? Link to post Share on other sites
Confused9 Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 I kind of agree with OP...sounds like she may have found someone else. I know my x acted this way once he had. I can only offer some advice that I wish I took myself. Take care of YOU. Don't not focus all your energy on her OR try and analyze everything she is doing to see if she still cares...chances are she does still care about you in some way...just might not be the way you want her to. Try and be strong and DO NOT allow her to walk all over you. No matter how bad you want this to work...you can not be a doormat. Good luck. I wish you much strength in this. Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 My wife says she is not happy Well they all become unhappy after a while, it's just a matter of time. IMO, it was her job to step up to the plate when things were going south and did something about it, but I guess it's too late now. First thing is counseling, make an appointment with someone reputable to see any damage can be reversed. Good luck, Link to post Share on other sites
john30 Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 It sounds similar to my story. My wife said she was sick of routine and life was boring, even though we used to go out every weekend and had always been happy. Soon after, I found out she had been texting another man. After 3 months of trying to support her and help her through what I thought was depression, she left me. I'm sorry to be negative, but it all sounds too familiar. I wish you luck. John. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Everything was good or so I thought until 2 months she said she was sick of the same ol thing day in an day out ,work and come home . I know there is not alot of fun in that . We dont do much as a couple just as a family and I know we should go out alone atleast 1s a month but we dont really have baby sitters or much family help either . I guess I should have try harder to find someone . Well, if "lovistough" then you should be showing her some tough love. What are you, the activity director on a cruise ship? As other have said, she has equal responsibility to improve any problem areas she sees in your marriage. Im afraid that, in her case, "I'm not having any fun" means "Not with you". She's finding it elsewhere, probably in every implied sense of the word... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
THEBIGARC Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 My wife had the same gripe about all work and sick of life. Well, she is now with her ex bf from years ago! I think you should confront her and then be perpaired for the end. It seems like this is just like a lot of other stories on here. I jwent to MC and she even swore not to talk to him, that was a few weeks ago. Now, I have accepted it and moved out. Good Luck!! Let us know how it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 If she refuses any counseling, I would pack up and leave with some dignity left intact. If you choose to stay, you could wind up in a worse situation. Cheers Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovistough Posted March 17, 2008 Author Share Posted March 17, 2008 so there has been another but she says not physical. I guess im blind . and after this theres no diffrence i fel as i said wacking in the dark hmm. So now I think of my kids and cry ,I still love her but am somewhat num and cunfuzed . I want us to work but Im not sure how to get it all back . She said she does love me and wants to fix us . So what now Im still lost and I think shes tellin the truth and has not had sex with him but im not even sure it would matter or would it . i still love her Any Advice on this would help ( Link to post Share on other sites
Confused9 Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 I am just going to be honest wtih you but my x told me nothing happened with him and the OW and that was 5 months ago...she is now pregnant and they are getting married. They know the sex of the baby so she has been preggo for a while. He told me she was pregnant and then told me she lost the baby. He is a lying sack of ****. (sorry.) I am not saying that this is the case for you, but I believed what he said and it didn't get me anywhere. You need to realize she could be lying to save face. Just prepare yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
john30 Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 so there has been another but she says not physical. I guess im blind . and after this theres no diffrence i fel as i said wacking in the dark hmm. So now I think of my kids and cry ,I still love her but am somewhat num and cunfuzed . I want us to work but Im not sure how to get it all back . She said she does love me and wants to fix us . So what now Im still lost and I think shes tellin the truth and has not had sex with him but im not even sure it would matter or would it . i still love her Any Advice on this would help ( Thats exactly what my wife said to me. She said she was sorry and begged me not to leave her, and that she wanted to sort things out. 2 days later, she was texting him again. This went on for 3 months, me trying to get her to be honest with me and prove she had stopped it but she just did it all the more. If I were you, I would try to work it out but get her to prove to you she is not in contact with this OM. If she is not prepared to do this and continues to act strangely then I would consider ending it yourself and save yourself a lot of hassle. John. Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Thats exactly what my wife said to me. She said she was sorry and begged me not to leave her, and that she wanted to sort things out. 2 days later, she was texting him again. This went on for 3 months, me trying to get her to be honest with me and prove she had stopped it but she just did it all the more. If I were you, I would try to work it out but get her to prove to you she is not in contact with this OM. If she is not prepared to do this and continues to act strangely then I would consider ending it yourself and save yourself a lot of hassle. John. Yup, mine did the exact same thing. Cried to me saying that I was her true love, next day his car was in our garage. When they get caught up in this dilemma, I don't think they even know what the hell they are doing. Wow, amazing how many of these stories mirror eachother. Link to post Share on other sites
stampdaddy Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 so there has been another but she says not physical. I guess im blind . and after this theres no diffrence i fel as i said wacking in the dark hmm. So now I think of my kids and cry ,I still love her but am somewhat num and cunfuzed . I want us to work but Im not sure how to get it all back . She said she does love me and wants to fix us . So what now Im still lost and I think shes tellin the truth and has not had sex with him but im not even sure it would matter or would it . i still love her Any Advice on this would help ( There is NO TRUTH right now.. You will find lie after lie after lie.... I guarantee Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 Just as it is your responsiblity to "Light Her Fire", it just as much her responsibility to "Light" your Fire?" It takes more than just one to make it work? When Cortez and his men landed in Mexico, he burned his ships. There was no going back ~ thus needless to say they were very motivated to succed? Your wife needs some motivation to succed? I'd pack her a suitcase or two and tell her to get to skipping, my attorney will be in touch? And I don't care if you have to stick the children into the bathroom, close the door, and bar it with your body ~ don't let her take them with her ~ no matter how badly you've got it in your mind that they need her. Then get an attorney and shoot for the moon, sole custody, childsupport, alimony, the house and everything in it worht stealing. Tell her when she gets her "sticking thinking" priorties, and mind right? You can give me a call? Until then ~ I don't want to hear from you about "nuttin'" (Actually were it me, I'd do the above and take her to her Mama's house, throw her suitcase and her butt on Mama's front lawn and then tell her Mama ~ "You need to have a talk with your daughter here about the meaning of marriage, being a mother, and a wife!" Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovistough Posted March 18, 2008 Author Share Posted March 18, 2008 (edited) I got it out of her who it was and I was blasted . REady my 7yr old sons wrestling coach. It seems they met a few yrs back and he tried to get something started then but sometime this season he started call her at work. Im so pissed and hurt. She said she wants nothing to do with him and has agreed to goto MC . I told her shes got to call him in front of me and tell him that I know and that she doesnt want anything with him and she said she will. Am I right for not doing it my self ,I dont want to go to jail . Guys please give me some positive hope here. Im calling the New Hope Christian Counseling center. Pray For My Family Please Edited March 18, 2008 by lovistough Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 Am I right for not doing it my self... Yeah, you're right. The OM would only think you were somehow coercing her if she doesn't tell him herself. The trick to figuring out where to go from here.. is going to be in finding out how this happened. People do the things they do for a reason. There's usually some sort of reward in it. So, you two need to sit down and figure out what she was getting out of this behavior. MC is a good start, but sometimes it takes a couple of weeks to get in. What you might do in the meantime at home, is go down to the library or bookstore and start with books like Not Just Friends by Glass, or The Five Love Languages by Chapman, or Surviving an Affair by Harley. There is ALOT of information available that will help you to identify what's broken within the marriage. It only stands to reason that you can't fix a problem unless you first know what it is. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 Right now at this point, this is probably the best outcome possible. Look up the 5 stages of grief, it's something you will be going through. Remember there is just no 'one talk' about this with her. Be prepared to feel / go through alot. Marriage counseling will take months to get to the root of the problem and at times you will think you are taking a few steps back, you just have to keep forging ahead. At least she is coming clean, alot of women don't. Be prepared for this guy to still try to call her. Make it clear to her that she tell you everytime he calls or tries to contact her. You two also have to get to the root of this problems and learn how to communicate better. If this counselor doesn't seem to be working for you, then find another. Sometimes that happens as well. Good luck, things are looking better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovistough Posted March 18, 2008 Author Share Posted March 18, 2008 So next mon. at 1;45 . God I hope i can feel better soon .cuz right now im so sad. i couldnt go to work so i called in . thinks for the good advice on here . god bless Pray For My Family Link to post Share on other sites
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