self worth

[ralphie]

well im new too this site and im looking forward to some healthy advice,

im 22 i have 2 children Bridget who is 5 and Taylor who is 2

 

the story of my life so far...

 

my father is an alcoholic and my mother is an ex prostitute and now a heavy junkie, has been most of her life. I grew up with my dad who has raised me solely since i was 8 months. i moved out of home when i was 15 and moved to melbourne i was raped by some random on christmas eve, who broke into the house that i was staying at.

 

i moved back to the home town to meet this guy who seemed perfect i knew him for 3 months and fell pregnant to him...it wasnt much after that our attitude toward each other completely changed. He started bashing me he raped me twice in front of my little girl who was then a year old i decided to leave him the police came gave me a blanket to put a few items in and we left.

 

he was an ******* and i have come to terms with that. i have to see him once a month for my daughters well being and when i do i am always polite- its hard, but i am. The amount of hate u can carry for one person is unbelieveable.

 

After i left him i found a wonderful man we have been together for 3 years and he treats bridget as if she were his own, he is unselfish and kind and i know he would never hurt me.

 

My problem that i am having is that i dont know who i am. For the last 5 years i have spent it for my children making sure they come first and i have forgotten who i am. I am paranoid all the time at my partner and very clingy and i know its pushing him away a fair bit. I dont know how to feel fullfilled i feel violated and unhappy most of the time, to look at me you would never guess anything were ever wrong but inside i scream all the time, Im the first person to help anyone in need i will always do anything for anyone and always help wherever i can, i dont have any friends, the only ppl i see are the ones who usually want something.

 

I get used all the time, I hate it but i cant say no to ppl. I just want to help. Does anyone have any ideas on how to understand self worth or how to find your own? anyone ever look into the mirror and be completely disgusted with what they see. Every time i look in the mirror i cant see me. i dont know what i look like. i dont know who i am how can i find me? the teenager who would laugh the loudest and now i hardly laugh at all, i am very gratefull i have found someone who loves me and my children now have a fantastic dad. Is it selfish to want to find me, rather than being the mum or the partner but to know who i am?

 

I feel unjust and betrayed all the time.

Edited March 18, 2008 by ralphie

[jmargel]

http://www.healthandgoodness.com/happiness/self-worth.htm

 

This article might help you. A person usually defines themselves by their past experiences. Your past experiences have all been negative. That being said you help others because it makes you feel good, something that you don't get to feel too often. You've been probably been taking care of your dad since the day you can remember, however no one has been taking care of you and it has finally starting to catch up.

 

What are your dreams? If you could do anything in this world, what would it be? How would you define happiness? What do you enjoy doing?

 

We can't change the past, wish we could. All we can do is allow it to make us a stronger person. You also can't define your own self-worth by what others have done to you. You did not deserve to have been mistreated and nothing you did or said caused it. They are just bad people who unfortunately crossed lives with you. Not to say you won't run into bad people again, but what you can do is start concentrating on what you want and how you can change your future for the best.

 

Have you also looked into individual counseling? That might help you as well.