i wasn't good enough

[Trialbyfire]

Again, you just state what everyone knows is the eventual goal. Pointing out whether or not someone has done it doesn't help at all, nor is it any great leap of knowledge or understanding.

You trap yourself KittenMoon. Notice how you fight me, when all I'm doing is responding to you?

[KittenMoon]

You trap yourself KittenMoon. Notice how you fight me, when all I'm doing is responding to you?

 

You continue to make simple "fix-it" statements without realizing that while this may be easy for you, it's simply not for other people. It's nice that it works for you, and I'm sure it works for many people, but not for everyone. No matter how many times you reiterate that it's the thing to do.

 

And i could day the exact same thing, that you're fighting me while I'm just responding to you.

 

Your perspective is simply not universally true.

[Trialbyfire]

You continue to make simple "fix-it" statements without realizing that while this may be easy for you, it's simply not for other people. It's nice that it works for you, and I'm sure it works for many people, but not for everyone. No matter how many times you reiterate that it's the thing to do.

 

And i could day the exact same thing, that you're fighting me while I'm just responding to you.

 

Your perspective is simply not universally true.

No probs, KittenMoon. Glad to have tried to be of assistance. I can see you have the answers that work for you.

[KittenMoon]

No probs, KittenMoon. Glad to have tried to be of assistance. I can see you have the answers that work for you.

 

Condescension is very unbecoming.

[atc2410]

change, timing, circumstances, character, age, growth, maturity, priorities, etc, are just that: etceteras that prance around in a circular route, without getting to the core of the matter.

 

The core of the matter is a virtually infinite series of reasons and circumstances behind relationships ending whether it's a two way or one way deal. Once again you vastly oversimplify by suggesting those variables prance around the "core of the matter" which you've deemed, likely due to personal circumstance, is that collectively those dumped are not good enough. In your instance you're free to arrive at that conclusion but I'm telling you it's not the case for everyone which is what you're implying.

 

 

all of the issues you listed are components in all relationships at all times; they do not just show up when a relationship fails to try to present themselves as explanations. they are components and they are present in relationships that fail, just as they are in relationships that thrive. so, what is the difference?

 

The difference is in how those components manifest and what feelings they drive, whether they keep a couple together or eventually take them in different directions. Of course they exist throughout a relationship for better or worse.

 

simply, that we were not good enough for that particular person, who went through change, at that time, under those circumstances, at that age, at their maturity, or at their top level of priority.

 

to reiterate: it does not mean that you will never be good enough for someone else or perhaps for that very same person, at a later time, but it still stands that today, at this moment, you weren't.

 

color it pink it you want, the real picture is clear.

 

But it's not clear. You're coming across as merely pessimistic now which is fair enough. Everyone here has sided with pessimism once or twice. I understand what argument you're trying to contruct but it's one that doesn't respect the complexities of our lives and relationships and the decisions we make. I know it is insane to suggest my previous relationships ended because I or my partner at the time "were not good enough". Erm, a little more to do with it than that.

[e.clipse]

No probs, KittenMoon. Glad to have tried to be of assistance. I can see you have the answers that work for you.

 

 

these types of remarks are so distasteful, TBF. also, it is so arrogant of you to assume that you know THE one path make everything better. Kitten tried to point this out to you, what? about 10 times? i honestly don't see what it so difficult to understand: what works for you, does not work for everyone.

 

further, the way you personally are, is not the way everyone else is. simple.

[Trialbyfire]

 

these types of remarks are so distasteful, TBF. also, it is so arrogant of you to assume that you know THE one path make everything better. Kitten tried to point this out to you, what? about 10 times? i honestly don't see what it so difficult to understand: what works for you, does not work for everyone.

 

further, the way you personally are, is not the way everyone else is. simple.

I know a path that works. Whether it's the path that can work for everyone, is up to the individual. As was pointed out to KittenMoon, her path doesn't work. The reason it and everything else she's tried, hasn't worked, is because she's unwilling to go the entire length to get to where she needs to go. She...can't...let...go...and there's no path that will work until the individual knuckles down and sheds her monster.

[Ariadne]

I know a path that works. Whether it's the path that can work for everyone, is up to the individual. As was pointed out to KittenMoon, her path doesn't work. The reason it and everything else she's tried, hasn't worked, is because she's unwilling to go the entire length to get to where she needs to go. She...can't...let...go...and there's no path that will work until the individual knuckles down and sheds her monster.

 

Nope.

 

Your path wouldn't work for me either.

 

Your path sounds to me like: Well, what is it that I would like to have to be happier?

 

Ah, a loving husband! So, you have to "make it work." Kind of like, put yourself out there, meet a bunch of men, and eventually you'll find someone that you have "chemistry" with, who is a nice guy, who is good looking, who is interested in you, so you get together and start dating. Bingo!

 

Nope. It doesn't work.

 

I don't want any generic guy that "works" or that I have chemistry with. I want someone with whom I have a soul connection, and that's the part of soumates that you are missing.

 

After experiencing the connection with Denver guy, I can say that I have met hundreds of men in my life, and I keep meeting them day by day, and I have never experienced anything like it.

 

With him it felt like he was living inside of me. There was not a single thought, emotion, feeling, or reaction that he wouldn't feel it at the same time as I did. And it worked the same way with him.

 

With him there was no need to talk, no need to say anything, it was all understood. And if we needed to say something all we had to do was to look into each other's eyes and all the messages would be delivered.

 

It was almost embarrassing and humbling, to have absolutely no privacy or a thought of my own when I was with him, that was not shared. And it just happened, you just couldn't help it.

 

Of course, he denies everything. He didn't feel a thing. And as e.clipse said it well, I was just not good enough for him.

 

But I did feel it. And I know now, that if I go out, roll up my sleeves, and start meeting people.. The chances of finding "that" again are pretty null.

 

I gave up trying anyway. Now, I don't care. I have made up my mind to be single forever and I suppose that if I ever made it to an old age and I need someone to handle me my medicines... I'll just go ahead and marry the first one that comes around. Like a pet, like a companion.

 

And I'd be very good to him, too. That's the most I expect from life at this point.

 

Other than that, I'm pretty happy. I have made peace with this situation.

[EllaDerSpin]

I don't want any generic guy that "works" or that I have chemistry with. I want someone with whom I have a soul connection, and that's the part of soumates that you are missing.

 

After experiencing the connection with Denver guy, I can say that I have met hundreds of men in my life, and I keep meeting them day by day, and I have never experienced anything like it.

 

With him it felt like he was living inside of me. There was not a single thought, emotion, feeling, or reaction that he wouldn't feel it at the same time as I did. And it worked the same way with him.

 

With him there was no need to talk, no need to say anything, it was all understood. And if we needed to say something all we had to do was to look into each other's eyes and all the messages would be delivered.

 

It was almost embarrassing and humbling, to have absolutely no privacy or a thought of my own when I was with him, that was not shared. And it just happened, you just couldn't help it.

 

Of course, he denies everything. He didn't feel a thing. And as e.clipse said it well, I was just not good enough for him.

Wow. That is some connection you felt.

But I don't think the fact that he did not feel it too means that you were not good enough. Perhaps it is like a piece of art or nature can touch our souls and connect us to love, sometimes just for an instant, sometimes longer. Maybe something in him opened you up to that.

Perhaps he was not looking for that or needing that in his life at that time. Or perhaps he did not recognise it.

I don't underestimate how you felt with him, and if you feel you wish to be single, there is nothing wrong with that at all. Shutting out love is another thing though, and it would be sad to do that.

[burning 4 revenge]

Oh come one Muneca, you're good enough for anyone

[Ariadne]

Shutting out love is another thing though, and it would be sad to do that.

 

Thanks.

 

No, I'm open. But I feel like I found something I've been looking for all my life. Finally. That connection. The perfect touch.

 

And it's sad that it went that way. But what can you do really.

 

If it happens again I'd be glad.

[Trialbyfire]

Thanks.

 

No, I'm open. But I feel like I found something I've been looking for all my life. Finally. That connection. The perfect touch.

 

And it's sad that it went that way. But what can you do really.

 

If it happens again I'd be glad.

If this were truly a "soul-connection", why aren't you together?

[Ariadne]

If this were truly a "soul-connection", why aren't you together?

 

Because he was in love with someone else and is living with her now.

 

Go figure those things. It happens.

[Trialbyfire]

Because he was in love with someone else and is living with her.

 

Go figure those things. It happens.

Then it was a one-sided "soul-connection", which you're currently feeding and keeping alive on your own.

[Ariadne]

Then it was a one-sided "soul-connection", which you're currently feeding and keeping alive on your own.

 

I guess it was.

 

And I'm not feeding much, but it made a big impact on the way I see relationships now.

 

It sort of ruined it for me. Now everything falls flat to that.

[Trialbyfire]

I guess it was.

 

And I'm not feeding much, but it made a big impact on the way I see relationships now.

 

It sort of ruined it for me. Now everything falls flat to that.

Ariadne, are you certain you want to spend the rest of your life, pining for someone who's not reciprocating?

[Lishy]

It's pretty sad on Ariadnes part! And it shows in her responses on here. It is a real shame!!!!!!!!!

[Ariadne]

Ariadne, are you certain you want to spend the rest of your life, pining for someone who's not reciprocating?

 

Love came and went for me, and life goes on.

 

That's all there is to it.

[Storyrider]

Love came and went for me, and life goes on.

 

That's all there is to it.

You are a wild, passionate woman, Ariadne, who sometimes says wacky things and sometimes speaks the simple truth like a prophetess. What TBF is saying, that you created your relationship with Denver guy, I'm sure you didn't create that out of nothing. Some of it came from him. But part of what you felt was the product of your intense capacity to love, your creative powers, and your ability to reach out and connect, which should be harnessed, as it is certainly not average in any way.

[Ariadne]

It's pretty sad on Ariadnes part! And it shows in her responses on here. It is a real shame!!!!!!!!!

 

Thanks Lishy. Well, he is happy now and got what he always wanted.

 

I mean, he waited for her for some 15 years or so, it was a complicated situation.

 

So after he met me, she decided to go for him after "all that time" so he was happy about that.

 

The things that I get into...

[LuCidiTy]

Wow. That is some connection you felt.

But I don't think the fact that he did not feel it too means that you were not good enough. Perhaps it is like a piece of art or nature can touch our souls and connect us to love, sometimes just for an instant, sometimes longer. Maybe something in him opened you up to that.

Perhaps he was not looking for that or needing that in his life at that time. Or perhaps he did not recognise it.

I don't underestimate how you felt with him, and if you feel you wish to be single, there is nothing wrong with that at all. Shutting out love is another thing though, and it would be sad to do that.

 

so right on

[Trialbyfire]

Perception, is everything. It's what fuels our personal reality and truths. Shift your perception and you can create anything you want.

 

Now apply this to relationships. If someone truly loves you, they will be with you. If they're not with you, there's reasons why, of which most of the time, they won't tell you and part of the time, they don't even know why, themselves.

 

Why waste your life, pining for something that will never be concrete? I don't see this as romantic. Romantic is a healthy, solid relationship, where the two of you are fueling the relationship, with caring for each other. Sky's the limit, in this situation.

[Ariadne]

part of what you felt was the product of your intense capacity to love, your creative powers, and your ability to...

 

Perception, is everything. It's what fuels our personal reality and truths.

 

Yeah, I was deluded.

 

I think that sometimes too.

[Trialbyfire]

Yeah, I was deluded.

 

I think that sometimes too.

Don't you want that chemistry-high again, where your mind, heart and body are going crazy? Then, after the infatuation stage and things start to settle down, that warm, intense love and focus, that two people share, who are fueling a positive relationship.

 

My perception and reality:

 

I know I do but I'll be damned if I'm going to fuel a one-way relationship. Screw that noise. It ain't romantic to me. It's a complete waste of personal energy.

 

This is why I strongly encourage people to move on. You're only hurting yourselves. In some ways, if it lasts a long time, it's similar to a form of self-mutilation. You're emotionally mutilating yourself so you might never have a healthy relationship again, whether you have relationships or not. Never let someone beat you down in life, to the point where you're stewing and wallowing in negative emotion. Sure, there's a recovery period. That's to be expected. But do try, for your own sanity, if nothing else.

[Ariadne]

Don't you want that chemistry-high again, where your mind, heart and body are going crazy? Then, after the infatuation stage and things start to settle down... You're emotionally mutilating yourself so you might never have a healthy relationship again.

 

You know, with him it never felt like infatuation, butterflies, none of that.

 

It felt peaceful. It felt as if I was floating in sea of heaven.

 

It was not exciting, it was just deep. Deep is the word I'd use to describe it.

 

And you are right about not having a relationship again. But I think if I get old I'll just settle for companionship. I can do that.

 

Thanks so much guys!

 

I'm off to work now.