MrsTattie Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 well ...first i am new here... I am married for 5 years. I met somebody online ..we are both in love...we know us now for over a month...he gives me something i was missing long.. i was searching for...which i thought could never exist. I want to be with him, he wants to be with me....does that sound crazy....i cant think clear no more. Somebody experienced something like that? He lives in a diffrent country....we want to get together in summer. Link to post Share on other sites
Nomad1 Posted March 19, 2008 Share Posted March 19, 2008 Be prepared that once the fog lifts you will see things differently and that you may end up in a worse place than where you are now. I guess people learn the hard way: from their mistakes. Be prepared that the euphoria of LOVE may be short lived. Do you have any kids? Nomad1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrsTattie Posted March 19, 2008 Author Share Posted March 19, 2008 Be prepared that once the fog lifts you will see things differently and that you may end up in a worse place than where you are now. I guess people learn the hard way: from their mistakes. Be prepared that the euphoria of LOVE may be short lived. Do you have any kids? Nomad1 Yes i have one kid from an earlier relationship a teenager now do they really come along good ...no do i think that will change no... i am so stuck i dont know where what when confused Link to post Share on other sites
AshE20 Posted March 19, 2008 Share Posted March 19, 2008 I dont think that you two can actually be in love when its only been a month and you havent even meet each other in person. I know that this guy is giving you something you want, but is it worth risking everything including your marriage and family for someone you barely know? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrsTattie Posted March 19, 2008 Author Share Posted March 19, 2008 I dont think that you two can actually be in love when its only been a month and you havent even meet each other in person. I know that this guy is giving you something you want, but is it worth risking everything including your marriage and family for someone you barely know? i know ..i know but i have been trying to avoid that i am not really happy.....i think it will happen sooner or later.... my husband keeps pickin on me almost on everything i do......i am so tired of that.. and then there is a guy u know? if it would be worth risking? Hmm there is only one way i could find out my head says watch out ......but my heart says go for it... maybe time will show Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted March 19, 2008 Share Posted March 19, 2008 It's only been a month & you think you are in love? I feel you are just seeing that "Hollywood" romance & like someone else said once the fog has cleared & you start seeing the "REAL" person it will be a LOT different. Everyone puts up there best show at first, everyone wants to impress & be impressed but what will happen when you have your first disagreement, that first argument? Why not put that effort into your marriage? When me & my W separated my buddy asked me one question that will stick with me forever. "Have you done everything you can do for your marriage?" I feel until a person does that then they are cheating themselves & there marriage. Sure not all relationships turn out but running in the easy way out. We don't know your situation & there are a lot of questions that haven't been asked, but you are playing with fire so you have to ask yourself; are you welling to get burned? Link to post Share on other sites
Nomad1 Posted March 19, 2008 Share Posted March 19, 2008 It is common for anyone who starts looking outside the relationship to start focusing on the negative aspects of their partner's behaviour to justify seeking or being with someone else. BUT remember, nobody is perfect. If you go ahead with the relationship with this new guy, once the excitement is over, you will realise that he is just another man. He may even turn out to be a nightmare to be with. The choice is yours. You can either 1) press the self-destruct button, 2) leave your husband and take sometime alone to think about what you really want or 3) ask your husband to go to MC or you will leave. Nomad1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted March 19, 2008 Share Posted March 19, 2008 I met somebody online ..we are both in love...we know us now for over a month...he gives me something i was missing long.. I don't think that can be love - not in love anyway. One month over is too short of a time to tell if you're in love with someone... for me anyway. A friend of mine met her BF online, he came down recently (they've been "together" for almost 6 months now and while she was in the toilet, he hit on me. He claimed he's in love with her (on their blog) so that got me thinking... is he really? I'm not saying your guy is going to be like that but how can you really tell? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrsTattie Posted March 19, 2008 Author Share Posted March 19, 2008 I don't think that can be love - not in love anyway. One month over is too short of a time to tell if you're in love with someone... for me anyway. A friend of mine met her BF online, he came down recently (they've been "together" for almost 6 months now and while she was in the toilet, he hit on me. He claimed he's in love with her (on their blog) so that got me thinking... is he really? I'm not saying your guy is going to be like that but how can you really tell? well 1 month or one year........time will always tell i just want to know ...somebody experienced the same can you really talk about time when it comes to love is there a rule ...like after 6 months it is definitly love where is the rule? where is theguarantee? there is none... soo tell me people ..somebody experienced the same like me how did it end...or did it even end? Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted March 19, 2008 Share Posted March 19, 2008 Well you asked if it sounded crazy and my take is... yes, it sounds crazy.. no... it IS crazy! But it's your life and your M that is on the line here, so you do what you feel is right. I can tell you one thing though - it ain't gonna be pretty. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrsTattie Posted March 19, 2008 Author Share Posted March 19, 2008 Well you asked if it sounded crazy and my take is... yes, it sounds crazy.. no... it IS crazy! But it's your life and your M that is on the line here, so you do what you feel is right. I can tell you one thing though - it ain't gonna be pretty. is a divorce ever pretty or breaking up ?emm no..thats not new:) of course it sounds crazy... but it is not crazy:) i will do what feels right yes...... and time will tell...... Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted March 19, 2008 Share Posted March 19, 2008 Just remember.. You have never seen, smelled, touched or been in the presence of this internet man. He lives in a different country. You have no idea what he or his life is really like. For all you know half the things he tells you now are false. You could be risking your marriage for a fantasy. Link to post Share on other sites
THEBIGARC Posted March 19, 2008 Share Posted March 19, 2008 You should tell your husband how you feel. It is only fair to him. Let him decided if he wants to be with you. The one thing about my W, she did tell me how she felt. I have to respect her for that at least. Link to post Share on other sites
LuCidiTy Posted March 19, 2008 Share Posted March 19, 2008 did you give up on your marriage before or after you met him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrsTattie Posted March 19, 2008 Author Share Posted March 19, 2008 did you give up on your marriage before or after you met him? well to say the truth before already .... like an half year ago only arguements daily over stupid stuff than i tryed to oversee stuff but i think thats making me crazy i am now on medication......since a month i try to be the nice wife no arguing like shut up..aso...cuz i am tired of argueing it doesnt bring me anything Link to post Share on other sites
daisygirl Posted March 19, 2008 Share Posted March 19, 2008 MrsTattie. Do not give up on your marrigae just for a guy you met online. I also met a guy online and had an emotional affair, however neither of us fell in love (we never met in person), and I stopped the affair before it got any further. I am also very unhappy in my marriage, but I realized that I was not giving my marriage a fair chance if I continued the affair. I cut off contact with the other man, and although it was not easy to do, I feel very good about my decision. My marriage isn't looking any better, but I truly feel that I did the right thing by ending the affair. You say you're in love, and I can't tell you if you really are or not, but ending it and remaining in NC (no contact) with the OM (other man) is your best bet. Only then will you truly know if your marriage is going to work. I would also recommend counseling, individual and marriage counseling, if your husband is willing to go. And like some others mentioned, you really need to talk to your husband about all of this. I never told my husband about the OM, and I never will. But I have told him how I feel about being unhappy and unsatisfied in our marriage. He is wishy washy about trying marriage counseling, and I cannot force him to go, but I am still doing counseling on my own. My overall advice: 1. Do NC with the OM....STOP THE AFFAIR!! 2. Talk to your husband about your feelings. Be honest. I don't know if you can tell hom about the OM or not; only you know your husband. 3. Go to counseling, for both you and your husband. 4. If none of the above work, then get a divorce before running off with another man. Link to post Share on other sites
daisygirl Posted March 19, 2008 Share Posted March 19, 2008 well to say the truth before already .... like an half year ago only arguements daily over stupid stuff than i tryed to oversee stuff but i think thats making me crazy i am now on medication......since a month i try to be the nice wife no arguing like shut up..aso...cuz i am tired of argueing it doesnt bring me anything One more comment: I understand about being tired of arguing....but have you REALLY talked to your husband and asked him if he wants to work on things? You cannot change him, but you owe it to him (and your marriage) to at least find out what he wants. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrsTattie Posted March 19, 2008 Author Share Posted March 19, 2008 thank you for your post daisygirl you said that you are unhappy with your marriage...thats the exact thing i want to change...i dont believe in counseling and i dont want to live like that the rest of my life: UNHAPPY .. and dont want my husband to have a unhappy wife...that isn´t fair either to play the happy wife....does your husband know that you are still unhappy? Of course i will talk to my husband about that ...thats why i called my threat "where should i start?" i want to have my conscience clear and dont want to play any game with my husband. That is one thing we promised us when we got married, if threre are any doubts aso...my husband is 24 and i am 32 and i think we got married to early ...also my fault, but i dont want to excuse nothing ...we had good times too...but they are gone....we are living like roomates...and i know itz the end....i didnt wish for that either ...i bet the marriage would work out if i would always give in and say yes to everything ....but that is not marriage...not for me Now to the guy i met online and he is not any guy. Any guy .......there are many online and he is not any We are both crushed and we are both crazy about each other, and we will see where it goes..he isn´t a reason i "would run away"....i felt like all this before and i feel soo lucky i met him....he is not pushing me ...no pressure the only thing is the distance.. we already would be together if ther wasnt the distance. Link to post Share on other sites
daisygirl Posted March 19, 2008 Share Posted March 19, 2008 MrsTattie, Yes, my H knows I am still unhappy, and he is also not happy, but he is pretty much putting all the blame on me. He said he's unhappy only because of me. I have told him - MC or we divorce. He already had me cancel one MC appt, and then he wanted to try again, so I made another appt. Now he wants me to cancel it again. I think divorce for us is inevitable. But I don't have a job right now, so we are waiting until I can support myself, and our son, before we do anything. I see that you don't believe in counseling, but what about your husband? What does he think about all of this? I totally understand that you are unhappy with him, but does he want to work on the marriage? I'm not saying that you should work on it even if you don't want to, but I am just wondering what are his thoughts. If you haven't talked to him yet, you just have to be honest with your feelings - it's not going to be easy, but you have to do it. And it sounds like you don't want to give up the OM, although I really suggest you do. I was there - I know how it is to feel such a connection with someone. If I had met my OM when I was single, things would have been different. I really cared for him, but I had to end it. The affair was clouding my judgment. But, I cannot tell you what to do, this is just my advice. Link to post Share on other sites
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